Broken Sunshine: A Chant of Darkness AU
by dominicgrim
Summary: Bethany Hawke is a Grey Warden, a bitter, cold and angry Grey Warden, but when a man from her past comes to the warden base at Ansburg, she will have a second chance to find happiness. Will Sunshine shine again? Bethany plus OC. AU for my story Chant of Darkness. I of course do not own dragon age. I just play here.
1. Broken

**Author's Note: This is an AU for my story chant of darkness; it will not be a complete retelling, just a series of shorts featuring my oc Justin and Grey Warden Bethany. I would like to offer special thanks to all those who have enjoyed Chant of Darkness. (That means you Murly, Artwo, Pintsizedpsycho and all the others that have left such wonderful reviews over the last year. You are my fuel and I could not do this without you! Well without further ado, I present to you…Broken Sunshine! **

**Broken Sunshine**

She was going to be punished.

That was the one thought that continued to loop through the mind of Bethany of the Grey Wardens. Not that she did not deserve it of course, she most definitely did. She had abandoned her post, went running off to Kirkwall, and had fought at her sister's side, at Wolf's side. There had been no choice, That Knight-Commander bitch had decided to annul the circle of Kirkwall, and as always her sister had managed to get herself right in the middle of the trouble.

Or rather, Anders had landed her in the middle of trouble, Maker's breath, what had he been thinking? Did he honestly think Marian would not kill him for what he had done?

Or maybe that was why he had done it, knowing that she would kill him. He had far more power as a martyr then he ever had alive.

_The lying cold-hearted bastard!_

Bethany sighed, she had warned Marian years ago, Anders was trouble, but her sister had not listened. Maybe she had felt she had owed him after he had saved Bethany's life in the deep roads, maybe her sister had felt that that had been an act of kindness, worthy of being repaid?

Or maybe she could not get her head out of her pants long enough to see what a monster her lover was turning into. Bethany wasn't sure, and as far as saving her life went…well…

Bethany was not very grateful for that.

The warden sighed, her sister had not understood, joining the Grey Wardens had not saved Bethany's life, it had condemned her, threw her into a life of nightmares and death. Sometimes she wondered if death would not have been preferable. At least then she would be with her family, at peace, at the Maker's side.

Here…here she was alone, lost in darkness.

She was currently laying in her bunk, staring up at the empty bed above her, her roommate, a warden named Sylvia had been killed by an ogre a month ago in the deep roads, so far they had not replaced her yet, not that Bethany minded, she liked the quiet, and truth be told, Sylvia was kind of a whiner.

Unlike herself, Bethany thought with a hopeless chuckle. She made no bones about the fact that she hated this life, but unlike Sylvia, she continued to fight hard, she would not just lay down for the darkspawn if they wanted to kill, she would not make it easy for them.

_It is the Templars or the darkspawn Mother; at least I'm allowed to fight darkspawn._

Bethany laughed at those words now; they were how she had convinced Marian and Mother to let her go on the deep roads expedition. Well she had gotten her wish had she not? She no longer had to worry about the Templars, and she would get to fight darkspawn for the rest of her taint-shortened life.

_Wasn't she so lucky?_

For six years now she had endured being a warden, being forced to fight the monsters that had tainted her. She found no escape from the creatures, she patrolled the deep roads with her fellows, and when not there she was here in Ansburg, or in the warden base in Montsimmard, or even Vigil's Keep in Ferelden. The endless war had consumed her, had blackened her soul, and poisoned her heart. Gone was the young girl with the sunny disposition. In her place had risen a cold calculating warden, she knew what her fellows said about her.

_Bethany is a good ally, she maybe cold, angry, and always bitter, but she is a good ally, and a fierce killer of Darkspawn._

The young warden frowned.

_Killing…that was all she was good for now. _

And it was all Marian's fault, and yet…when she had heard that her sister's life was in danger she had not hesitated, she had ran to Kirkwall, consequences be damned.

Why had she done that? Only one reason came to mind…

Marian was her sister, one of the last of her family.

She could not abandon her.

Bethany may not have liked her sister very much, but there was a difference between not liking ones sibling, and not caring when some Templar bitch decided to kill her along with every mage in Kirkwall.

Despite everything that she had seen and every cruel evil thing the order had forced her to do…

Bethany Hawke still loved her sister…

And for that love, she was going to be punished.

They had arrested her the moment she had returned to Ansburg, taken her staff and dagger. The Lieutenant had ordered her to return to her quarters; technically she was under house arrest, at least until her superiors decided what to do with her.

Bethany sighed, whatever they decided she hoped that it would be quick; she did not like all this waiting around.

What could they really do to her? Execution would be a release, they could force her to go on her calling she supposed, but once again, she welcomed death.

She had nothing to live for now, they needed her to kill, so she killed.

The nightmares continued to haunt her, she welcomed there end, perhaps those dreams had driven her mad years ago, or perhaps the world had always been mad, and it had taken the Grey Wardens to show her the truth.

They could probably banish her to some far off garrison, some place where she would slowly go mad with boredom and the nightmares. It was said that wardens assigned to such places gladly went on their callings, of course that would be a waste of her talents. The wardens had spent years fashioning her into a deadly weapon; she was as much a weapon as the staff she carried.

The commander would not like to part with her.

So here she would remain, until someone important decided what to do with her.

It was so very frustrating.

Her thoughts drifted back to Marian, she wondered what her sister was doing now. Marian had been so…angry after the fight in the Gallows. She was lost in fury and guilt. Once upon a time, Bethany would have tried to help her, but she had come to know that such fury could be very useful.

Such fury had saved her life many times since joining the wardens. Marian would either learn to turn that fury to her advantage, or it would destroy her. In the end, the choice was entirely hers.

Of course, she did have Fenris with her; Bethany knew that if anyone could see Marian through this it was Wolf. She had visited several times over the years; they had spoken of old times, and had discussed how best he could pursue his feelings for Marian.

Though to be honest, her sister did not deserve Wolf's affections. Her sister had chosen to bed down with an abomination, an abomination that went on to murder hundreds of innocent people.

Anders at least understood what she would become, it was not mercy that he had offered her, it was servitude. The same servitude that he rejected, she was surprised that the warden commander had never asked her to execute Anders for his desertion.

_Killing Anders would not have been easy, but it would have been…gratifying._

Bethany would be lying if she did not admit that there had been times over the years where she had dreamed of sneaking into Kirkwall, and dealing with Anders, for no other reason than to pay him back for turning her into…into this… warden, but it had been Marian's feelings that had always stopped her.

Marian had loved Anders; she wished no further pain on her sister.

After what he had done, she was hard pressed to admit that she had been mistaken.

It would have been better if she had killed the bastard.

A knock at her door interrupted her musings; she rose with a heavy sigh.

"Enter," she called out.

The door opened, admitting a tough looking senior warden.

"Bethany," he said with a nod.

"Stroud," she said returning it, Stroud had been her mentor of sorts, he had commanded her many times during the last six years. He was also the only warden who she felt safe being completely honest with.

She liked that.

"How was Starkhaven," she asked him.

"Fine," he said quietly, "I found a new recruit. An elven woman named Serene, she is an Orlesian bard."

"How did you find an actual bard," she asked.

"She was sentenced to hang," he admitted, "I had to invoke the right of Conscription. I hope she is worth it."

"Have you heard anything about me?"

Stroud frowned.

"Please Stroud," she asked.

"There… has been news," he informed her.

She raised an eyebrow, he sounded grimmer that usual, must not be good news.

"Word has been sent," he said, "The Lost Garrison is on its way to Ansburg."

Bethany did her best not to look shocked, she knew what the Lost Garrison was of course. They served the same function as the Templars Seekers of Truth. The Lost Garrison policed the Grey Wardens, punishing any wardens that stepped out of line.

Wardens like her…perhaps?

"Are they coming to judge me," she asked Stroud.

"I do not know," her mentor informed her, "there has been some kind of fight in Kirkwall, the Lost Garrison was involved. It could be because of what you did, we can't be sure…at least, not yet."

Bethany nodded, it seemed that she had been a very naughty girl, more than she had realized.

Isabela would have been so pleased with her.

"I will speak with their Commander on your behalf," Stroud assured her, "I will save you if I can."

She appreciated his offer, but if they decided to execute her, well she did not really mind that,

She was growing tired of the Warden life; death would release her from her pain.

Not that she was about to commit suicide, oh no, suicide was a sin against the Maker. No, she would throw herself against their enemies until one finally did her in.

Then she would be free, she could see her parents again…she could see Carver again.

She wanted that now…more than anything.

Stroud left her then, promising to send her some food and drink.

Bethany lay back down, so…the Lost Garrison was coming here. Perhaps she would finally find the release she was seeking.

If they decided to execute her, well…so be it, she did not fear death.

After what she had seen since joining the order, after what the wardens had asked her to do, she no longer feared dying.

She welcomed it…with open arms.

She welcomed a release, a release free of pain and compromise.

A warden did what she must, if that meant dying for betraying the order, so be it.

She would gladly meet her end.

She did not live now after all, she only survived.

She had died long ago.

Now all she wanted…

Was to rest.


	2. A Return

**Chapter 2: A Return**

Bethany had fallen asleep again, she had not wanted to, but she had been so weary.

As always, they were waiting for her.

Claws and tainted fingers reached out of the darkness, seizing her by the legs and dragger her deeper into the darkness. She tried to fight, to call on the power of her magic, but as always it was not enough.

The creatures surrounded her, pressing in against her; there was not air down here. They held her, restrained her, grasped her, and grouped her painfully.

She tried to cry out for help, but only darkness came out of her throat. The evil was not just outside; it was inside her as well, filling her up with its corruption, its taint.

They pulled her head back painfully; no…no she did not want to see again! A long muzzle grew out of the darkness, long scaly and rotting with the taint. Teeth like swords filled the leering mouth, a forked tongue licked out between the massive jaws.

Eyes burning like red ambers held her fast.

The beast was smiling at her.

_**Wooooordoonn**_, the voice in the dark was terrible, yet she could not resist, could not even cover her ears!

Nooo," she whimpered, "Maker no, somebody! Anybody! Help me, please! Help!"

Bethany' eyes snapped open, she startled, her hand going to her empty dagger sheath.

Two glowing red eyes were watching her in the darkness.

"Good evening," a small voice said, it was low, rich and Orlesian, "Didn't mean to wake you."

Bethany let out a sigh of relief, it wasn't an Archdemon…it was an elf, an elf with bright ruby-red eyes.

She remembered what Stroud had told her before he had left; the new recruit was an elf, from Starkhaven, the Orlesian bard that he had pulled from the noose.

Seri, or something like that.

Bethany did her best to slow her breathing, it wouldn't do for a new recruit to see her sobbing like a child over a nightmare.

H-hello," Bethany groaned, wiping the sleep from her eyes, "Are…are you Stroud's recruit?"

The elf nodded, "Oui, I am Serene, and you are Bethany, yes?"

The mage nodded, "You…you have heard of me?"

"Oh yes," the elf grinned, "the entire fortress is talking about you, the one who helped start the mage war in Kirkwall."

The mage blanched.

_Is that what she had done?_ Bethany thought with a grimace, _she had only been trying to protect her sister, nothing more._

"Don't believe everything you hear," she snorted rising from her bunk, she made for the small water basin on the table, it was enchanted to fill with hot water at the gentlest of touches, she did so now, splashing hot water on her face. It helped…a little, she would knock on the door later, ask the guard if they would allow her out to go bathe, the only truly nice thing about the Fortress here is that it had dwarven plumbing installed years ago, with a full working bath.

It was one of the few luxuries the wardens here were allowed, and Maker-sent after a two week patrol in the deep roads.

She regarded her elven guest curiously. She was dressed in simple leather armor, her pale unblemished skin seemed no worse for wear from her time in the dungeons of Starkhaven, the elf was also quite bald, she raised a questioning eyebrow, what had happened there?

The elf guessed what she was staring at.

"A wig-maker came to see me in Starkhaven, he offered me a sovereign for my hair," the elf said sadly, "It would have covered my burning after they had stretched my neck," she shuddered imagining the rope that had almost found its way there, "The thought of being left hanging in the afternoon sun, a meal for the crows," the elf shivered, "I only wish Stroud had come a few hours sooner, I might actually still look presentable."

Bethany frowned, the elf would soon learn that the darkspawn did not care how pretty you were, they would kill you just for being there.

Provided she lived long enough to learn that…the joining could be as lethal as any darkspawn.

A strange thought occurred to Bethany.

"Wait, what are you doing in here, why did the guards outside the door let you in?"

"The guards left, some lost wardens arrived, at least that is what I heard, a couple of hours ago, got the whole fortress in an uproar."

_So the Lost Garrison was here already,_ Bethany thought glumly, _she was surprised no one had called for her yet._

She did her best to mask her emotions; the elf likely would not care about her troubles.

"As for me being here…well," Serene smiled mischievously, "Stroud told me there was an open bunk in here, I guess we are going to be roomies. The guards locked the door before they left, but I picked it, it was a long journey from Starkhaven, I was just hoping to get some sleep in an actual bed."

Bethany couldn't suppress her smile; the elf was going to drive Stroud and the Commander crazy. She liked the sound of that, of course she could not help feel a little afraid, she…she had decided to not get close to the new recruits, it hurt too much to start to like them, and then…turn around and watch them die.

She had learned that lesson the hard way…

_Darren, poor, poor Darren._

She tried to push the memory of the fallen recruit out of her mind, Darren had been dead almost five years now, she had mourned him, and said her good byes, he would not have wanted her to spend the rest of her life obsessing over his death.

Serene of course was oblivious to her pain, she reached up to the top bunk testing the mattress, testing its firmness and finding it soft and dry.

Satisfied, the bard flipped up into the top bunk, "Very nice," the elf purred, "It's not the ambassador's room in the Empress's palace, but it is comfortable."

"You should enjoy it while you can," Bethany informed her, "Most wardens spend a lot of time in the field, a warm bed and a hot meal can be a luxury we do not enjoy often.

The sound of voices in the hall drew Bethany's attention, Serene had already had her boots off and had snuggled underneath the blankets.

Stroud unlocked the door and entered the room; he scowled at the sleepy elf.

"We shall discuss this later," he informed her.

The elf shrugged, Stroud could yell at her in the morning, for now she was looking for a good night's sleep.

The senior warden turned to Bethany.

"Come with me," he ordered her, "You are needed."

She rose quickly following him into the hall, Stroud moved quickly down the long hallways; Bethany was barely able to keep up.

"What is it Stroud," she asked, "What has happened?"

"The lost Garrison has brought in a recruit with them, she is dying of the Blight sickness, we need to perform the joining now, you know the spells to finish binding the magics, yes?"

Bethany nodded; she had participated in several joining over the years.

"How far along is the recruit's sickness?" she asked.

"Fairly advanced," Stroud admitted, "if the joining is not done now, we shall need to slay her."

"Why did the lost recruit someone so far gone," Bethany asked, "they should have just killed her…for mercy's sake if nothing else."

"Probably because their new Commander is stubborn," Stroud growled, "Besides, sometimes it pays to take a chance on such things," Stroud said giving her a fond look, "You were near death when we took you in."

Bethany frowned, she did not consider her recruitment a happy memory, for at least a year the other wardens had treated her like a pariah, they saw her as unworthy, a charity case. It was not until she began to prove herself in battle that that had changed.

It had not been an easy road for her.

"The blood is ready, only the final magics remain, the girl is a blood mage, I suspect that is the only reason she has survived this long."

"Is she from the Kirkwall Circle," Bethany asked.

"I don't think so," Stroud answered.

"What is her name?"

"Her name is Merrill; she is of the Dalish folk apparently."

Bethany froze.

_Merrill, oh no…__**poor Merrill.**_

"Is there something wrong," he asked her?

She let her face become an unreadable mask.

"No, Stroud," she informed him, "I will do my duty, and help to save Merrill's life."

"You know her," he sounded surprised.

"She was one of my sister's companions."

Stroud considered that, it was interesting.

The two wardens quickened there pace down to the old chapel.

They did not have much time.

IOI

"Hold her up Colo."

The large Antivan warden complied, he had had to carry Merrill into the chapel, the poor little elf was almost lost to them, the song of the old gods continued to weaken her will. If the wardens did not act soon she would become a ghoul, find her way down into the deep roads, and eventually…she would likely be turned into a broodmother, birthing a new generation of horrors.

Justin would not allow that.

The young warden sighed; two months ago he had been a raider on the waking sea, a happy successful raider. Unfortunately, his crew had struck the wrong ship at the wrong time. A fight had broken out between his crew and the Grey Wardens who were crewing that ship.

Justin had lost half his crew that day, and the wardens had lost only three of their own. Their leader Commander Torrik, leader of the Lost Garrison had offered the young raider a choice.

"You cost me three of my men bilge rat," the dwarven commander had growled, "I would rather it would be just two."

So…they had reached a compromise of sorts. Justin would join the Grey Wardens, and in exchange, Torrik would release the survivors of Justin's crew. It had seemed like a fair deal at the time, but Justin had no idea what the personal cost would be to him.

Now here he stood, one of the last two survivors of the Lost Garrison of the Grey Wardens, it was just him and Colo now, and Merrill…hopefully… if she survived the joining.

Justin cursed under his breath where was that bloody mage with the chalice.

He regarded Merrill closely, the poor Dalish was in exquisite pain, her skin was pale and sweaty, her eyes had gone milky white, and large black sores covered her cheeks.

Time grew short they needed to deal with this now!

The chapel was dark this time of night, only Justin, Colo and a few of the Ansburg wardens were in attendance. They were here to kill Merrill if she did not take the joining as she had agreed.

Their presence was laughable, it Merrill did not take the joining she would die anyway, there would be no reason to kill her.

He ran his hand through his curly brown hair, _come on…where was Stroud with that Chalice?_

Finally the senior warden burst through the door, being followed by one of his mage sub ordinance. The newly minted Commander did not have time to banter; he took the chalice and began the ritual.

"Join us brothers and sisters," one of the other wardens began, "join us where…"

"We don't have time for formalities," Justin interrupted him; they only had time for action now. He held the chalice before Merrill.

"Merrill…can you hear me," he asked, "Colo and I need you to drink this now…it…it is medicine, it will make you better."

Merrill glanced up at him, she looked at him with those pale tainted eyes, he seriously doubted that she even had heard him.

"Song…pretty," she said dreamily, she almost fell then, her insides shook from a racking cough.

Justin grimaced.

Stroud came up behind the Dalish, he held a dagger in his hand, "You are out of time," he said sadly, "You must kill her before she turns."

"She has not turned yet," Justin growled.

"Commander, she is suffering," Stroud reminded him.

"I said no," he turned to Colo who was still holding the Dalish up right.

They had no choice.

"Colo," he ordered, "open her mouth."

The large Antivan nodded, "Sorry little one," he said as he grabbed a handful of her short black hair. He took a great handful of it and wrenched back on it.

The Dalish cried out weakly.

Justin took the joining chalice and poured the dark contents down Merrill's throat. The Dalish tried to fight, but she was too weak. He clamped his hand over her nose and mouth, the darkspawn blood had nowhere to go, but down here throat.

The elf swallowed hard.

Colo released her; the joining could be quite energetic in some recruits.

Merrill began to shudder; her hands went up to her head. She gasped for breath as she tried to remain upright; sadly she was fighting a losing battle.

She stood stark upright, before falling to the floor of the chapel.

The dalish gave one last whimpering cry and fell still.

The world seemed to stop; you could have heard a pin drop in that chapel. Colo went up to the Dalish checking her for signs of life.

Justin held his breath, had he doomed the dalish to death, or had he simply granted her release?

For the first time in years, Justin did something he thought he would never do…he offered a prayer to the Maker.

_Let her be all right, please Maker._

Colo looked up at him, a smile on his face.

"We chose her well Justin," the large man said, "she will live; we have gained our little sister."

Justin sighed in relief, _thank you Maker._

"It pleases me to hear that she will be fine Commander," Stroud offered, "My name is Stroud; I'm one of the senior Grey Wardens here."

'The new Commander nodded, "pleased to meet you Stroud, allow me to introduce you to the others, the one on the floor is Merrill, the large one before you is Colo, my name is Justin Oslin, I'm the new Commander of the Grey for the lost…"

"Justin," a small voice gasped. The Commander turned, it had come from the warden mage who had brought the chalice, he had not noticed her before, it was quite dark in the chapel at night, but now…now that he finally had a chance to truly look at her.

He gasped, no…it…it could not be!

It had been almost ten years since they had last seen each other, not surprisingly, she had changed. Her long black hair fell gently to her shoulders; her honey brown eyes were wide with surprise.

_She…she was more beautiful than he had remembered, but what was she doing here, how? Why?_

"Bethany," he asked, "Bethany Hawke…Betts is that you."

"I…I…I," Bethany stammered, it…it couldn't be Justin. Justin had died…years ago.

"You know each other?" Stroud was surprised, with the exception of her family, and the few companions she and her sister had travelled with, Bethany did not know many people.

'WE grew up together," Justin informed him, "Her Father was teacher to me taught me weapons, isn't that right Betts…Betts?"

Bethany did not answer, Justin's attention had been fully on Stroud…it had only been for a moment, but it had been enough…

Bethany was gone.


	3. The Lost and the Dead

**Chapter 3: The Lost and the Dead**

Bethany fled the chapel, she tried not to run, but the desire was almost all consuming.

_Justin Oslin, Justin Oslin, Justin Oslin…_

Her twin brother's best friend's name kept repeating over and over in her head, her heart pounded in her ears. He couldn't be here, he shouldn't even be alive, but…

He was here, and he was alive, and now…now he was going to decide her fate.

Bethany almost laughed; Justin was one of the biggest troublemakers in Lothering. The thought that he was now a force for order in this world was almost laughable. There was barely a moment in Lothering that he was not in trouble, and typically her brother Carver was right there beside him.

Her long dead twin's face swam into her thoughts, and right beside him was Justin's.

Bethany flinched painfully.

_Carver…oh Carver, why is he still alive and you are not?!_

For the first time in years she felt tears stinging her eyes, she fled to the nearest windows, she wiped at the tears furiously, she would not cry, she would not! She was not some pathetic little girl anymore, she was a Grey Warden, and she would show no weakness, not in front of the Lost Garrison, not in front of Justin, not in front of anyone!

Bethany focused, she forced her heart to slow, she glared angrily at the tears and the color that had come to cheeks. She had to be cold now, cold was better.

Cold kept you alive.

Slowly she regained control of herself, the shock of seeing her childhood friend crushed beneath her iron will. She was Bethany of the Grey Wardens; she would not show any weakness.

Weakness got you killed.

She straightened her back, she would face whatever judgment Justin forced upon her, it was ridiculous that Justin was her judge, but here it was.

Let him execute her, she cared not, she welcomed it.

"Betts?"

His voice made her shudder, had he chased after her? Had he called after as she fled?

Did she even care? Was she even capable of caring any longer?

She did not think so.

"You shouldn't be here," she said coldly, barely acknowledging his presence.

"I'm still me Betts," he reminded her, "why would I not care about your welfare?"

"Because the dead care about nothing," she answered, "You died almost ten years ago. You have no right to care."

Justin considered her words, finally he chuckled, "You got to admit Betts, I'm pretty spry for a corpse."

She turned to face him, her eyes dead and cold as stone.

"Do not joke about this," she growled, "not about this."

Her response brought him up short, this…this was not the Bethany Hawke he remembered; Betts was optimism personified. The woman before him was cold; those eyes would terrify him if he did not know her…or perhaps, who she had been.

"Why did you think I was dead Betts?" he inquired, "I may have been gone but…"

"Your Father told us," She answered, "Carver asked after you and your Father told him that he had received word that you had died."

Justin was dumbstruck, Miles Oslin had not been the warmest of men, and Justin knew just how much the man had disliked him, or perhaps hated him would be the better word. His holiness had blamed Justin for the death of his wife; she had died bringing him into this world.

Disliked him yes, hated him perhaps, but to tell the Hawkes that he was dead!

Justin felt a surge of anger for the old bastard, yet did his back to hold it back, Torrik had spent the last few weeks training him on the berserker disciplines, his emotions were a weapon now.

He could not afford to let them run wild.

Justin sighed; he focused on Bethany, her anger and her icy demeanor.

Maker's breath what had happened to her?

"Betts, what are you doing here," he asked, "Where is your family? Where is Carver?"

The mage laughed mirthlessly, it seemed ironic, discussing this with someone she had thought long dead.

"Carver is gone Justin," she said grimly, "he died during the Blight. Mother was murdered almost four years ago now. Marian is on the run somewhere, being hunted by the Templars and the Seekers of Truth."

Justin felt his heart lurch; he had feared that the Hawke family had died, when he saw Bethany he had hoped but…"

They were really all gone, all but Marian and Betts, it didn't seem fair!

"At least Marian is still alive, that counts for something yes? And you're still here, fighting the good fight."

"But I'm not alive Justin," the mage responded, her eyes empty, long ago she had abandoned any thought of self-pity, there was only acceptance now, "I died in the deep roads almost seven years ago. The wardens brought me here, and put me through the joining, but they did not save me," the mage frowned, it felt strange putting these thoughts into words finally, but Justin deserved to hear them, he had cared about her family once.

He deserved to know that they were all gone.

"I am their weapon now," the mage said glumly, "I fight…I survive, but I no longer live. I have come to know that is all I'll ever be."

Justin did not know what to say, he…he couldn't believe that it was Bethany Hawke saying these things to him. Bethany had been a light…she had shone brightly to all those who had cared for her. She had always feared the Templars, and feared being dragged off to some circle, but she had never let that fear touch her soul, she was a good person, she knew that. There wasn't anyone in Lothering who did not feel at least cheered by her presence…

To see her like this, to see her so cynical, so cold…

It broke Justin's heart.

He reached out for her, maybe he thought to comfort her.

That…was a mistake.

"Don't touch me!" she growled, she had no weapons, but that did not mean she was unarmed, she was still a mage after all. Witch fire sprang to life in her hand, her honey-brown eyes flared red with fury and magic.

Justin backed away, the heat from the flames were almost unbearable.

"Betts I…"Justin stammered, but she did not let him finish, she was too furious at his presumption.

"DON'T YOU EVER, **EVER**, TRY AND TOUCH ME AGAIN, DO YOU UNDERSTAND!"

In that moment Justin forgot that he was technically her superior officer, he was just a man who was one step away from being burned to death by an angry mage. He nodded, hoping that would calm her down.

The fire faded from her hand, and from her eyes, the cold fury however remained.

"I'm sure the others have told you of my crimes," she hissed, "Consider this my confession, Yes, I went to Kirkwall to help Marian, and yes I violated he neutrality by trying to help defend the mages there. I would do it again in a heartbeat. So if you want to have me executed for that _Commander_," she made his new title sound like a swear-word, "Then I suggest you get to it."

She stalked off then, her boots clanking angrily on the stone floor of the keep.

Justin could only just stand there, he was speechless.

Whoever that woman was, she was not the Bethany Hawke he remembered.

Justin did not pursue her. That would likely only lead to another fight. He needed to talk to Stroud.

He needed to know what had happened to Bethany.

IOI

She is a good warden Commander," Stroud said handing Justin a drink, "a little high –strung perhaps, but a very good ally to have on your side."

They were currently in the warden commander's office. The Commander himself was away right now, on his way back from the Fortress of Weisshaupt. It would still be many weeks until he returned. It was for this reason that the wardens of Ansburg had left Bethany's fate to Justin, as Commander of the Grey of the Lost Garrison; it was his duty to deal with any wardens who had violated their oaths.

Technically, Bethany had done that.

Now all that remained was to decide what to do with her.

Justin sighed thoughtfully; he still did not understand what had happened. Bethany had been his friend, to see her in such pain hurt like Andraste's pyre….

Sadly, he knew nothing that could help her here.

"Were you the one who recruited her then?" he asked the older man.

Stroud nodded.

"Why did you do that?" Justin asked, "Bethany…the Bethany I knew did not seem the type to become a Grey Warden?"

Stroud's brow furrowed, had it been anyone else but a member of the Lost asking him that question he would not have responded.

Bethany had been forced to fight twice as hard, and twice as long to get where she was now.

She was not the charity case others had thought she was; she had out grown that long ago.

Stroud sighed,

"She told me the story once," the older man admitted, "She and her sister had volunteered for an expedition into the deep roads, to try and raise enough money to support their family. Somehow along the course of that journey, Bethany had become exposed to the taint, it…it spread the Blight sickness quickly through her body."

Justin shuddered, he had been in the deep roads only once since his own joining, the thought of being down there, sick with the blight. The thought made him shudder.

"One of her companions was a warden, or perhaps a former warden, Anders had been his name. He brought Bethany to us, asking us to take her in, to at least try and save her life," Stroud sighed, he had come to care for Bethany over the last few years, like an older brother or a Father, "I nearly refused Anders' request, but I still owed him a favor. We took the girl in, she went through the joining and now…she is here."

Justin shook his head; he knew just how Bethany must have felt as she lay recovering from the joining. The Grey Wardens would have killed him if he had refused their offer to join them, it was only through joining the order that his life had been saved. Bethany had met a similar fate; she would have died without the joining, or at the very least became a broodmother.

Justin did not want to think about that, the thought of Bethany as a broodmother filled him with dread.

"She has violated our rules, and her oath," Stroud admitted, "But I beg you Commander…show mercy…she has been a good warden up to this point. She let her feelings get the best of her in Kirkwall, but I would not see her die for that. She has been a good ally in our war against the darkspawn; I beg you…please spare her life."

Justin considered the other man's plea, it was clear that Stroud respected Bethany, perhaps even cared for her in his own way. The rules of the order were clear however. If Commander Torrik was here, he would not have hesitated to sign Betts execution order, likely would have made it a public one to, to show the other wardens what happens to those who step out of line.

But Justin was not Torrik, and he still had a mission to complete.

Justin sighed, he knew what needed to be done, both for the Grey Wardens and for Betts, at least he hoped that he did.

One day, with luck, Betts would forgive him for the choice he made this day.

At least, he hoped that she would.

IOI

It was almost morning by the time Bethany returned to her room, she had wandered the grounds for hours…thinking. Though she was a bit surprised that no guards had come for her, either to take her to her execution or to lock her back up in her room.

Her body screamed for sleep, but she fought it off, the nightmares were a constant companion to her now. Stroud said she was blessed with an incredible sensitivity to the taint, useful for her work, horrible for her sleeping habits.

She would likely need a sleeping draught, she took one about once a week, that one good night's sleep was the only thing keeping her sane…or at least a close facsimile of it.

She was so tired, so very…very tired.

She entered the room, the door was still unlocked, that elf girl still asleep in the upper bunk.

Bethany envied that, the ability to sleep peacefully, and without nightmares.

Sadly the girl would lose that soon, as soon as she went through the joining…

Provided that she survived of course.

Bethany was just about to lay down, when she noticed several things sitting on her bunk.

The first two were her staff, and dagger, it seemed that she had been reinstated.

The second was a bound parchment, bearing the Grey Warden seal.

Her new orders, she suspected.

So, she thought, Justin had chosen exile for her, how nice, she wondered where she would be stationed, and how long it would be before she went truly mad from the boredom.

She broke open the seal and read the letter, her eyes narrowed as she read them.

She had indeed been reassigned, but not in the way she had suspected.

She was not to be sent to some far off garrison, or some boring little corner of Thedas, oh no.

Bethany Hawke was hereby ordered to report to Commander Justin Oslin in the morning.

Bethany Hawke was now a member of the Lost Garrison of the Grey Wardens.

There was only one thing to say about such a turn of events.

Bethany's eyes flashed with magic and anger.

"Justin," she murmured, "you son of a bitch."


	4. Rest and Recovery

**Chapter 4: Rest and Recovery**

Serene regarded herself in a mirror, they had brought her some clean clothes sometime during the night, after a quick bath she changed into them.

The bard sniffed, Wardens did not have the best sense of style she thought. The blue and silver gambeson fit her well she supposed, the boots and leggings were fine to, the leather and heavy fabric of both would shield her during combat. A chest plate bearing the mark of the white griffon had also been brought, silverite she suspected.

The elf chuckled, such a plate would fetch a fine price on the black market of Val Royeaux, but she supposed that her new warden brothers and sisters would not approve of such things…

She was going to be a Grey Warden, Serene of the Grey…defender of Thedas.

It sounded so ridiculous, even to the bard.

She had to admit, she wasn't sure yet about these Grey Wardens, they had saved her life sure, but the thought of spending the rest of her days killing darkspawn? It hardly seemed like the type of job for one skilled in the tricks and trials of the great game of Orlais.

Still there was a great opportunity here…

She had spent much of the morning speaking with Bethany, the warden mage did not seem happy with her lot in life, and apparently she had now been reassigned to this Lost Garrison that had worried Stroud and the others so much. Apparently these lost were enforcers of a sort, keeping the rest of the order in line, answering only to the First Warden himself.

Serene was bound and determined to become one of them.

It was not just the prestige these Lost wardens wielded, that was part of it of course, but far from the only one. It was said that they received special training in hunting fellow wardens when they went rogue, and that they had access to weapons that were only available to other wardens during a Blight. These Lost Grey Wardens were masters of secrets.

And if a bard loved anything more than tale or song…it was secrets.

Serene smiled.

What a coup it would be to return to Val Royeaux with such knowledge, to return to her master with Grey Warden training under her belt. Her value as a piece in the game would increase five-fold.

She would just have to play along, play at being the good little warden recruit for a while longer. Once she had passed this joining ritual of theirs she would be in a perfect position to learn everything that she wanted to know about her new allies.

Then all their secrets would be hers.

She struck a quick pose in the mirror, giving it the kind of look that made even brave knights swoon under her regard, one thing was for certain…

She was truly a beautiful Grey Warden.

She made this armor look good.

IOI

Bethany sat at Merrill's bedside, the Dalish still slumbered deeply, her body still recovering from the blight sickness that had ravaged it.

The mage shuddered, once it had been her laying in one of these beds. She had been so near death when the wardens had put her through the joining.

Sometimes she could not help but wonder if death would have been for the best.

She sighed heavily, now was not the time for such dark thoughts. Merrill would need help when she awoke; it was a difficult time for a warden, these first few days after the joining. Bethany had never liked Merrill much, the girl was a blood mage, and was therefore a threat to their entire group. Marian had liked her however, and had decided to keep an eye on her, despite what her younger sister thought.

Now…Merrill was here, the wardens did not care if someone practiced blood magic, not as long as they used it in support of the order. Whatever it took to secure victory that was the Grey Wardens motto. Merrill would need a bit of hardening though; the Dalish was far too innocent for one who had openly dealt with demons.

Bethany shook her head, why of all of her former companions had the Maker decided to do this to Merrill, and more importantly how had Merrill gotten infected with the blight?

Not that she would wish her fate on anyone else of course, if it had been Varric, Isabela, or Aveline, she would likely have been heartbroken. If it had been Fenris…

No, Bethany did not want to think about that, Wolf had been her best friend; she would never wish the taint on him, on anyone. Not even Merrill deserved what was in store for her.

Had the darkspawn attacked Kirkwall? The wardens had heard nothing of such a thing. Justin had told her nothing, not that she wanted to talk to her new commander right now.

She would just have to ask the elf when she finally woke up.

The Dalish looked better she had to admit, color had returned to her cheeks, and the black sores were gone. Her rest here would likely be the last peaceful sleep that the elf would ever enjoy. The nightmares would come soon enough, and with them, the humming of the taint in her blood.

Colo, that large Antivan from the Lost Garrison entered, he approached the sleeping Dalish, a concerned look on his face.

"How is she Bella?" he asked Bethany.

"She still sleeps," Bethany replied, "She could awaken anytime, or sleep for the next day or so, depends on how bad the taint was."

Colo nodded, he brushed the elf's cheek affectionately. Bethany gave him a surprised look.

The large warden shifted uncomfortably.

"She…" he said nervously, "she reminds me of someone I knew… a long time ago."

Bethany nodded, if the Antivan did not wish to talk about it, she would not push him.

All wardens had their secrets; Maker knew she had her own.

The elf shifted in bed, she moaned softly…moaned and coughed.

"Merrill," Colo asked, "Little sister can you hear me?"

The Dalish's large green eyes fluttered open; she glanced weakly around the room.

"Colo," she murmured, her eyes fell on Bethany, "Oh…hello Bethany…what are you doing here?"

"You are in the Warden base in Ansburg," Bethany informed her, "Where else would I be?"

The Dalish shrugged, she did not know the ways of the Grey Wardens…

At least, she did not know them yet.

"Am I going to be all right?" Merrill asked, "Did the cure work?"

Bethany snorted, the Dalish was so naïve.

"It worked," Colo smiled, he said patting her head, "You are one of us now."

"I am?" the elf smiled, she turned to Bethany, "I truly am like you?"

"Yes Merrill," Bethany replied, "You are…"

The Dalish gave a happy squeal and sat up; she embraced Bethany in a tight bear hug.

The mage gasped, she gave the large warden a pleading look for help.

Colo chuckled.

"I have done it," the elf laughed, "I'm a part of your clan now. Isn't it wonderful Bethany! We are now sisters!"

Bethany sighed; she really**, really**, did not like Merrill.

IOI

Once the Wardens of Ansburg realized that the Lost were not there to punish them, the mood improved greatly in the base. The surviving lost wardens were welcomed, and given a chance to rest and recover. Merrill would need several more days before she was strong enough to travel, not to mention fight. Bethany was surprised when Serene volunteered to join as well. The bard sold herself saying that her skills would serve the lost well; she was skilled with poisons and traps, and adept at picking locks. She was also quite skilled in disguise, and spoke four languages.

The lost could not ask for a better infiltrator.

Justin had to admit, she made fair points, he spoke with Stroud. The senior warden could not stop the lost garrison from taking his newest recruit. They had that power if they needed to replenish their ranks.

"Looks like we will be working together Beth," the elf said giving the warden mage's arm a friendly squeeze.

Bethany rolled her eyes.

As the Lost rested and recuperated, it was decided that a two day pass be extended to all wardens not on duty. The soldiers were pleased with the news; it had been a while since they had been able to get out of the base when they were not fighting.

Most welcomed the break.

That evening they made for the small village that serviced the base. The wardens were eager to spend their stipends, and find a little release.

Justin, Colo, Serene, and Bethany accompanied them.

Both the elf and the mage could use a little distraction after the last few weeks, Justin thought,

Bethany could not deny that it was nice to breathe fresh air again, but she was never one to revel with her fellow wardens, when she was out of the keep and not fighting…the mage preferred solitude, at least from her fellow wardens anyway.

IOI

_The Broken Lute_ was one of Bethany's favorite places in Ansburg village. It was a small out of the way tavern on the edge of town. The music was horrible, hence the name and it was dark, crowded and noisy, but the food was good, and the proprietor, a heavy set woman named Madge did not ask too many questions, and did not seem to mind that she was a mage.

Bethany liked that.

Typically when wardens had any leave they chose to gather at the Guilty Pleasure, Bethany had never been too fond of the place, brothels had never really been her thing. Darren had accused her once of being a prude but…

She did not want to think about Darren right now, no, best to focus on the meal that awaited her here at the Lute.

She had first found the place five years ago; it was her first two day pass off of the base. She had been wandering Ansburg feeling depressed and lonely, missing her family and friends, she had found the Lute almost on accident. That night she had had one of the best meals she had ever tasted.

_The Broken Lute_ became a private treasure to her after that.

Madge was behind the bar currently, tending to a customer, the place was not too busy tonight, only three of the eight tables were occupied.

That suited the warden mage just fine. Madge looked up, noticing her for the first time.

"Hello Bethany," she said smiling warmly.

She nodded politely to the woman.

"Your table is available," the woman informed her, "You're usual?"

The mage nodded, the woman hurried off to get her food order ready.

Bethany smiled slightly, sinking down at her favorite table.

There was no musicians tonight thank the Maker, and she hoped to enjoy a nice quiet evening.

It would likely be the last time she would ever come to this place that was depressing enough.

She was not sure what Justin had been playing at, recruiting her into the Lost Garrison. She was a loyal warden true, but she had no desire to spend the rest of her taint shortened life hunting other wardens and being seen as an enemy to all the other garrisons.

Justin, she thought with a heavy sigh, what in Andraste's name was she going to do now.

Fortunately, food was an excellent distraction, the massive plate of steaming vegetables and meat made the warden mage's mouth water. It had been a hard thing to adjust to at first, the massive warden appetite, but now…now she did not mind it quite so much.

Three heavily armored figures entered the Lute, at first Bethany thought they might be some of the local lords men, but then she got a closer look at the heraldry on their armor…

All three were Templars, and all were clearly drunk.

Never a knight-commander around when you need one, she thought.

Not surprisingly they were not most polite of customers; they practically threw an elven man out of his table, and demanded that they be waited on next.

Bethany's eyes narrowed, once upon a time she would have been terrified of such louts.

Now…she felt an almost uncontrollable urge to send them crying back to their mothers.

She managed to stay her hand, but only just barely.

Then one of them walked up to her.

She sighed; she really did not need this right now.

"What's this," the man slurred, "a pretty little mageling without a leash? Thought we dealt with all of you back in Kirkwall?"

"I'm a Grey Warden from the Keep Serah," she said trying to stay focused on her meal, "Please go away."

"Now is that anyway to talk to a servant of the Chantry," a second Templar came saddling up beside her, "You know I hear some…really interesting things about warden girls. Would you like to show me if their true?"

The man tried to stroke her hair; Bethany grabbed his hand and twisted it painfully, making the man yelp. She pushed him back into his friend, but that drew the attention of the third.

Now all three surrounded her.

Bethany pushed back form the table, readying her staff.

"Bethany please," Madge begged from behind the counter, "don't make too much of a mess."

Bethany nodded, the last time a man tried to force himself upon her in here, he ended up a greasy red smear on the ground,

She intended not to let it get that far this time.

"You have no claim over me," she hissed, "Go back to your table and enjoy the rest of your evening."

"You get a lot of nerve talking to us like that bitch," the first Templar growled.

"The Templars are the true chosen of Thedas," the second added, "Soon we won't need your order anymore. The Knight-Commander says…"

"Is there a problem here?"

Bethany looked to the door. Justin stood there; he had his weapons out pointed at the Templars.

"This isn't your concern friend," one of the Templars snapped.

"But I'm so curious about what the Knight-Commander said," he growled, "Tell me please…what lies has Gaston Delance fed you recently?"

Bethany did not recognize that name, but the Templars most certainly did.

They glared hatefully at Justin, but the warden commander did not back down, he took his place beside Bethany,

If these bastards wanted a fight, he would happily give it to them.

Fortunately they did not seem to want to fight. They fled, shooting angry looks over their shoulders.

Justin snorted; somehow he did not think this was over.

Bethany glared at him.

"I didn't need your help," she spat.

"You're welcome by the way," he shrugged.

"Thank you Serah," Madge said smiling at Justin, "Could I get you something…food perhaps?"

"I'm not sure," he said tapping his chin lightly, "how is the food here Betts?"

The mage glared at him, but said nothing; he was her commanding officer now.

She was still a good warden.

"Food here is some of the best in the Free Marches," she said sitting back down. She did her best to return to her meal.

Justin joined her.

Bethany rolled her eyes, so much for a quiet evening.

IOI

An hour later the two of them were walking back towards the base together. Despite the food they had shared, Bethany could not help but scowl.

Between Justin and the Templars her night had been ruined.

"You know," he said quietly, "I'm kind of surprised that you weren't with the others tonight. I thought warden stuck together?"

"I have no interest in brothels," Bethany snapped, "I don't need to pay for companionship when I want it."

"Good to know," Justin commented.

The mage's eyes narrowed, she could not tell if Justin was making fun of her or not.

"What about you," she asked, "Why weren't you reveling with the others?"

"To be honest," he shrugged, "I was worried about you. We haven't spoken since the other night and…"

Justin did not get the chance to finish.

The attack came from out of nowhere.

The Templars smited Bethany and two of them tried to attack Justin.

Bethany gasped, trying to rise, the third Templar tried to run her through.

The mage did not allow that.

She managed to dodge his swing, and caught him in the neck with the bladed end of her staff.

His head left his body, which keeled over in the mud.

Justin roared; he spun like a mad men swinging his sword and boarding ax. He caught one of the Templars in the side dropping him.

The third seeing his friends fall panicked and tried to run.

Bethany looked up at Justin; he was covered in blood, his face stained red.

He glared at the retreating man.

"We can't let him escape," he told her, "He will run back to Delance and…"

An arcane bolt struck the Templar in the head; it snapped his neck flinging him to the ground.

Bethany and Justin took up defensive positions. The mage who killed the Templar stepped out of the shadows.

Justin's eyes widened in surprise, "What are you doing here?" he asked.

"Looking for you Captain," the mage replied, "You are a hard man to find."

He stepped into the light.

The mage was thin with shoulder length black hair and icy blue eyes. HE wore along leather coat and trousers with an Orlesian silk shirt.

Not a circle mage then, she thought, probably an apostate.

Justin walked up to the man and pulled him into a brotherly embrace.

"It is good to see you again Birdie," Justin grinned.

"And you as well," the mage smiled.

Justin motioned her over; it seemed he wanted to introduce her to his friend.

She obeyed.

"Birdie I want you to meet a friend of mine," Justin said, "this is Bethany Hawke," he then turned to her, " Betts I want to introduce you to one of my best friends, Betts this is Birdie."

"Birdie?" she said with a raised eyebrow.

"His little nickname for me," the mage said shaking his head, "It is a pleasure to meet you Serah Hawke," the mage said with a bow, "my name is Andreas Wren."


	5. Friends and Enemies

**Chapter 5: Friends and Enemies**

Justin led the two mages on the road back to the warden base. Bethany asked him many questions about why those Templars had attacked them. It clearly went beyond just the usual you're a mage I'm a Templar thing. Justin promised her he would tell her everything soon. Right now he needed to return to the base and make sure that the other wardens be on the lookout for any more of Delance's servants wandering around in Ansburg.

The new Commander still bristled at the fact that the Templars had managed to destroy the most of his Garrison. Justin had only just been accepted among them when they were destroyed. It was hard to believe, but he found himself missing the others. Torrik, Elena, Vala, Caesar and the rest, he had come to see them almost as family, their deaths weighed on his conscience.

Why had he survived when they had not?

It was like the joining all over again, he had been one of only two recruits who had survived it. Afterward he had asked Commander Torrik why? The others were soldiers, brave men all, why did a simply bilge rat survive when they had not?

Torrik shook his head, he did not know why some surviving the joining when others did not. There was no clear reason. All the dwarf could tell him was that he was meant to survive, and that he should take comfort in that.

Justin had given himself to the Grey Wardens to spare the lives of his men. He had made that sacrifice gladly as their captain. He had done it to save their lives.

To save Birdie's life.

He found himself smiling at the mage; the two of them had been friends for almost ten years now. Justin had come to depend on the healer in that time. He hated to admit it, but he had missed his old friend these last few months.

"Care to explain what you are doing here Birdie?" he asked the mage.

"T'wasn't easy Captain," the healer shrugged, "Wardens are very…very private when it comes to their comings and goings. We knew that the ship that took you dropped anchor in Cumberland, from their I was able to use our old contacts in the city to discover that your new friends had left shortly for Kirkwall. It wasn't safe for us make port there, what with the fighting in the Gallows and all, plus…Kirkwall is not the safest places for mages these days. I had the crew drop me along the coast. Then I made my way to Starkhaven where I learned about the Garrison here. I figured there might be someone here who knew where you were. Imagine my surprise when I saw you picking a fight with a group of Templars," Wren grinned at his old friend, "Nice to see something's do not change."

Justin considered what Birdie had said, it made sense he supposed.

"So you left the Queen then?"

Wren sighed; the Rebel Queen had been his home for almost as long as he had known Justin. She was a damn fine ship with a damn fine crew. He and Justin had made it so since the crew had elected Justin their new captain. Justin had cared for it almost as much as he would one of his family. It had been a home to both of them, but things were changing now, the healer could no longer hide at sea.

The world was changing, the Templars had grown too powerful, and the chantry too complacent. Wren wanted to change that.

He hoped to return to the Queen when all was said and done, to return to her in victory.

Of course that did not mean that he could not have a bit fun along the way.

IOI

Wren could not help but admire the dark-haired warden that walked at his side. The gambeson, the leggings and the boots, he could think of one word to describe the girl, yum. This Bethany was quite a fetching young woman, her armor was snug in all the right places, and he could feel the danger crackling off of her, almost like the magic that she wielded.

The healer could not help but smirk, he found himself wondering what would amuse such hardened battle mage?

How did such a woman choose to waste her off duty hours, and would she be willing to waste those hours with someone else?

_Down boy, this girl isn't Isabela, she likely doesn't have the same morals either…such a pity that._

Wren had always had a thing for strong women, if he had not, he never would have fallen so hard for his beloved Isabela. That had ended badly of course, but there was nothing to say that he could not indulge himself in a nice mindless fling.

He found himself wondering if all those tales he had heard about warden women were true. Warden women were said to have very healthy physical appetites.

Provided the Captain did not go all over protective big-brother on him. Justin and the girl's brother had apparently shielded the her when they were younger. At least that he was idea that the Captain had always given him.

Bethany Hawke, the sister of his best friend from childhood. Wren had to say that she was nothing like the girl that Justin had described. The Captain had told tales of a shy good natured girl, a bit skittish about the Templars, but the same could be said for any mage.

The woman that walked beside him was nothing like that. This woman was cold; she had killed that Templar in Ansburg without any guilt or remorse. Despite their history, she had spent the bulk of the trip back glaring into Justin's back.

Wren could not help but wonder what had turned the girl into such a cold fish.

Whatever had happened, Wren came to see it as a challenge not a problem. This was one cold fish he would love to thaw.

She glanced his way; he gave her the warmest of smiles. She snorted and turned her head.

Yes…this would definitely be a most interesting challenge.

IOI

Bethany did not like Justin's friend.

This apostate, this Andreas Wren gave her the creeps; she could feel his eyes on her, mentally undressing her. She hated when men did that. It was something that she had been forced to become used to over the years. When a man found out she was a warden they starting thinking of all those stories about wardens having such a high tolerance for pain and pleasure, and that they were more than skilled in more…intimate areas.

Bethany frowned she despised those stories. More than once she had to put a man in his place for stepping out of line with her. She hated to admit it but…she had actually enjoyed those moments. Female wardens were just as dangerous as male ones; she had not survived the joining so she could become some arrogant knight's play thing.

She would warn them…once; if they persisted well…she made sure that they did not make such a mistake again. They would crawl away whimpering, with a healthier respect for the opposite sex.

Her sister likely would not have understood, but she suspected that Isabela might.

Bethany was not just some…some sex toy.

If this Wren stepped out of line, she would show him just how dangerous she could be.

"So you are Carver Hawke's sister?" he asked her.

The warden frowned, she did not want to discuss her late brother, and it would likely just make her angrier.

"I take it Justin has mentioned my brother to you," she replied.

"A few times," Wren admitted.

Bethany wondered exactly what that meant. Justin had been Carver's best friend sure, but it took a special cold bastard to let everyone you care about think you were dead.

She had not yet forgiven him for that, she…she had cried the night she had heard that he had died. Father had only just passed so she told Mother that her tears were for him.

She had never admitted the truth to anyone. She…she had come to care for Justin Oslin. Part of her hated him now for coming back into her life like this, his returned opened many old wounds, wounds she thought had finally closed.

_She did not want to feel, feelings got you hurt, they got you killed._

"So what did Justin tell you," she asked the healer.

"That his best friend's sister was a mage," Wren paused then, his smile widened slightly, "He never mentioned how beautiful you were."

Bethany rolled her eyes.

_Maker give me strength._

"You can turn off the charm serah," she sniffed, "I'm immune."

She thought she could hear Justin snicker. A hint of a smile tugged at her lips.

"I guess Betts just told you didn't she Birdie?" Justin grinned.

"We shall see Captain," Wren chuckled, "It takes a bit, but my charms have been known to wear a woman down."

"So you need magic to bed a woman," she snorted, "Why am I not surprised."

Justin did bust out laughing then; the look of shock on his friends face was priceless.

Wren however took the jibe in stride. He was not the type to give up easily.

The chase was more important than the catch; he understood that better than anyone

IOI

That night after the others had returned from the village Justin called a council of war.

Colo stood watch by the door while Justin addressed the others. Merrill had recovered enough to join them, as well as that elven girl Serene. Justin was not sure if she was right for the Lost Garrison, her skills would be useful true, but her loyalty was questionable. He had heard stories of the Orlesian bards; they were loyal to no one, their allegiances shifted like the tides.

Of course, the joining would change the girl. Justin did not like coming to depend on someone who may not survive the joining, but he had little choice. None of the other Ansburg wardens had volunteered to join, and Bethany was the only one in trouble enough for him to force recruitment.

The mage continued to glare at him; he did his best to ignore it for now. If she became a danger in the field he would have to deal with her, but he did not think that would happen. Everyone he had spoken to said that Bethany was a great warden. She obeyed order without question, and did what was necessary when it was called for.

Justin did not think that she would let her feeling get in the way of doing her duty.

They did not have to like each other to work well together.

Wren stood in the corner near the window. The Ansburg wardens were uncomfortable with Justin bringing an outsider into their home, but said nothing; the role of the lost garrison had some advantages.

Wren was a skilled healer and herbalist. He had skills that would be needed if they were to continue their mission. Bethany knew healing spells, but she was not powerful enough in that area to treat anything more than minor injuries.

Birdie could heal even the most grievous injuries without breaking a sweat.

It was for that reason that he was coming along.

Once everyone had gotten settled in, Justin began. He told the other about Ser Gaston Delance. Delance was a Knight-Commander of the Templar order, a Knight-Commander who had found some way to weaponize the darkspawn taint. In the last seven years Delance had claimed to be hunting a cabal of Blood mages that spread a Blight-like plague to further their own ends. The First Warden had come to believe that these mages that Delance had hunted were innocent, that the Commander had used them as scapegoats. He used this plagues he caused to advance himself.

The Templars that followed Delance worshipped him as a prophet. They believed that he was chosen by the Maker himself, that he was destined to conquer all of Thedas and rule as some Divine emperor.

It had fallen to the Lost Garrison to stop him.

Bethany shuddered, such a man reminded her too much of Knight-Commander Meredith. The mad woman had nearly destroyed her sister. She did not like the thought of another Templar rising to such power.

Justin told them that Delance was currently in Kirkwall where he was trying to blame his plague on the fallen circle there, the circle and their defender the Champion of Kirkwall.

Bethany's eyes had widened at that.

She asked Justin if the mad man had caught Marian yet. Justin did not think so; Delance would have paraded Marian through the street if he had her.

The Lost Garrison had gone to Kirkwall; they had sought to end the threat of Delance before he could do more harm there. Sadly…they had failed, Delance had been waiting, only Justin and Colo had managed to escape Delance's trap.

The Lost Garrison could not risk facing Delance in a straight up fight again, but that was fine.

Justin had a plan that did not require a straight up fight.

He hoped to lure Delance out into the open. To draw the Templar into trying to attack them in a place of their choosing.

The plan was risky, but they had little choice. Delance had already destroyed several small villages with his plague. It was only a matter of time until he hit something bigger.

That left only one question for them to consider.

How to get the Knight-Commander's attention.

IOI

Bethany shifted uncomfortably in her chair, she had an idea, but she did not think that Justin would like it. She did not like it herself truth be told.

She little alternative however, she knew what the blight sickness did to someone.

She would not let innocents suffer its effect needlessly.

"We need bait," she said, "something that even a Knight-Commander would not be able to resist."

Justin nodded, "I suppose you're right Betts, but what bait would draw Delance away from his place of power."

"You said that he had been blaming Marian yes, we give him something that would lead him to her."

"You have a suggestion along those lines Betts?"

The mage nodded, this would be the part that Justin would not like.

"Only one thing that I can think of," she said, "We offer him the one thing that would draw Marian to him. Only one thing could do that, you…you have to offer him…"

Bethany sighed, here we go.

"You have to give him me."


	6. The Stranger in the Mirror

**Chapter 6: The Stranger in the Mirror**

Several months later, Bethany found herself standing inside a small farmhouse in Northern Ferelden. She should have been happy about being home again, but she just couldn't do it. This was not really a homecoming; it was nothing really, just another step in the continuing nightmare that was her life.

Andraste guide her, she did not even recognized herself anymore.

The farmhouse had been purchased using gold left to her by her Mother. Of course she realized what this truly was; it was an attempt by Marian to give her a way out of a life she could not escape. Her blood bound her to the wardens tighter than any chain. She would live and die as a warden that was the only life she had left.

_She was grateful, but Mari never understood. Bethany was a warden, and that was all she would ever be._

Not that she looked like a warden right now of course. How long had it been since she was not dressed in warden armor in some form or another? She truly could not say, which meant that it had been far too long.

It felt so very strange. The woman that looked back at her from her bedroom mirror was unfamiliar. A woman clad in black leggings and an off the shoulder white blouse. It was similar to the clothes she had worn as she had fled ferelden almost a decade ago.

Seeing herself like this now brought her no comfort, it was just a reminder of everything she had lost.

She found herself looking at her favorite scarf, the one she had taken such good care of over the years. It was made from fine Orlesian silk, dyed maroon and violet. Andraste's holy symbol was embroidered on the front of it.

The warden mage sighed. Part of her wanted to wear the scarf again, to pretend, just for a little while that she was still just Bethany Hawke, but she could not do it. If she wore it, he would see, she…she did not want him to know she still had it.

Justin had given her this scarf; it was why it had been so very precious to her. No boy had ever given her a present before.

She angrily stuffed the scarf into her pack, she would not show weakness, not here, not EVER!

The Lost Garrison had work to do here in Ferelden, and they were damn well going to do it.

Bethany sighed, she had work to do.

IOI

The plan had begun when Justin had sent Serene into Kirkwall. The elf's role was that of a chantry loyalist, who had learned some shocking information.

She knew where the Champion of Kirkwall had fled to, and she had her sister with her.

Justin knew it was risky, if Gaston Delance learned that Serene was a warden recruit he would likely execute her. The bard took that as a challenge. She was not a Grey Warden yet, and she promised that she would say nothing or do nothing blow her cover.

All she asked: Was for Justin to trust her.

Personally Bethany thought that the elf would use this opportunity to flee, to return to Orlais before the wardens could catch her. Justin did not think so; Serene had sworn to serve the order. He did not think she would break that oath.

They waited for several days, and even Justin found himself growing nervous. Had Bethany been right? Had he misjudged the bard?

It was when they least expected that she finally returned.

She apologized for the delay. The Templars questioned her for several days, but she had not broken. She held to her story and they now believed that she had told them the truth.

Delance's people had tried to follow her, but she had lost them in the lowtown bazar.

Justin nodded, the Templars had taken the bait, now they needed to head south and get the trap ready.

IOI

The ship that the warden's had standing by was a fast one, they would be in Ferelden in a week, maybe less. The sea was calm, and they had fair winds.

Both Bethany and Merrill were not good sailors though, both suffered sea sickness. Merrill was flat on her back for most of the trip, while Bethany endured in a hardened silence.

They had time he knew; Delance was still trying to solidify his hold on Kirkwall. The Knight-Commander would not want to leave until that was done; he would likely send agents to verify that Hawke was there before he decided to move.

Those agents would not return; that would be proof enough that the prize he sought was there.

All they had to do now was wait.

They needed to be patient. Bethany purchased the small house, and they settled in. Justin, Colo, Merrill, and Wren stayed in an inn near Highever castle. It was less than a twenty minute journey from Bethany's new "home" they would have plenty of time to reach it when the Templar's men arrived.

Bethany settled into the routine of daily life. It felt strange after living as warden for so long. Serene agreed to play the role of her elven servant. If Bethany was playing the role of a woman of means, then everyone would expect her to have one.

Justin chuckled and shook his head, "I think you just like playing dress up elf."

She smiled, "True enough," she admitted, "If my commander desires, I have…other outfits I can use for his pleasure."

She sauntered up to him, a lazy sexy smile graced her lips, her fingers lightly brushed his chest plate. This was an old game to her, playing the seductress, if the commander took her up on what she offered, she would be in a much better position for advancement later.

"Those outfits are all made of silk and lace, what there is of them," she purred, "I can model them for you if you like, and perhaps do more," she said in a low sultry voice, "I am sure I can… perform if you need me to."

Justin smiled he took Serene's hand in his. The bard grinned.

At least until he twisted her wrist, Serene gasped, it was painful, but not meant to cause serious injury.

All warmth left Justin's eyes; he had no time for the bard's games.

"Save it elf," Justin said coldly, "You are here to serve the order, and kill darkspawn. Your charms are wasted on me, and not desired. Are we clear?"

Serene winced; she was not used to being denied. She struggled slightly but Justin only tightened his grip.

"Are we clear, Serene?" he repeated.

She gasped; it hurt, but not as much as it could.

"Crystal," she said with a pout.

He released her, it had been harsh, but he did not want the elf thinking that he could be wrapped around her little finger. She was a soldier now, the sooner she accepted that the better.

Serene rubbed her wrist, she glared at Justin's back, she did not take rejection well.

Bethany walked up to her, the mage took the elf's hand in hers, healing magic flowed into her wrist.

"Don't take it personal," the mage advised her, "warden life is hard enough without holding grudges."

The elf nodded, "Guess I'm losing my touch," she sniffed.

"You're welcome to try your charms on me elf," Wren offered, "I could use the company."

Serene sniffed, Wren had nothing to offer her, Justin was her commander, she had hoped to gain a higher place within the Lost Garrison by…improving their relationship.

She had nothing to gain by associating with the healer.

"I'm not in the mood for company ser mage," she said coolly, returning to her duties.

"Your loss," the healer said dismissively.

The bard snorted, she doubted that. Wren had nothing to offer her, no angles or opportunities for advancement. Therefore he did not matter in her world.

The game demanded that you do anything to advance.

From what she had seen, there was not much difference between this life and the great game of Orlais.

Only a master player could survive playing with such high stakes, whether in Orlais or in the wardens.

Serene considered herself a master player.

She would survive.

IOI

Wren snickered, true he had been rebuffed, but he could not help but enjoy watching the Captain putting the arrogant little elf in her place.

It was shame, the elf was beauty, she would be a fine prize resting on Ferelden linens, but she was far from the only one.

If one warden was closed to his desires, perhaps the other would do. If he could not have the bard, perhaps the mage would do.

Bethany would make a far more interesting prize anyway.

IOI

Spring finally came to Ferelden, not that it improved Bethany's mood much.

She hated all this sitting around.

Still… it was not all bad.

It was nice to catch up with Merrill. Bethany's duties had not left her much time to follow her sisters exploits, some of them were far different than the stories she had heard.

From Wren she learned how to make certain healing potions and salves. From Serene she learned about poisons and sedatives. Colo it turned out was a skilled chess player. Bethany had discovered the game from a former Orlesian knight turned warden. She enjoyed her games with Colo, he was a skilled player.

She…she did not associate much with Justin during this time. It was not that she was still angry with him of course, far from it, but being around him, she….she could not help but think of Carver.

It would have been nice to speak of the past with her old friend, but if she did?

No she would not do it! She needed to remain cold. She could not afford to think of Justin or Carver!

It was just better if she kept her distance.

IOI

Things went on like this for several more weeks. Then one night they received word from one of Wren's contacts on the Highever docks that several Templars had arrived from Kirkwall. They were accompanied by a full company of mercenary soldiers.

Justin smiled grimly; it seemed that the waiting was over.

He turned to Bethany.

"Are you ready to play your part?"

The mage nodded, "How do you want us to play this? Are we to leave any survivors?"

Justin considered the question, part of him wanted to pay Delance back for the murder of his fellows, but at the same time, if they could convince the Templars that Delance had turned against the chantry that would be valuable as well.

He ordered that they take the Templars alive, if at all possible.

Bethany did not agree. And neither did Wren.

"I understand your feelings," Justin admitted, "But this needs to be handled correctly, if the Exaltednists are just a fringe element of the chantry, I want to handle them as such."

Bethany nodded, that made sense.

"What if they're not?" Wren asked, "What if the Divine supports these bastards? Are we to do nothing?"

"I didn't say that Birdie," Justin sighed, "If it turns out that the chantry is supporting Delance, then it will be necessary to take steps."

"What kind of steps?' Bethany asked.

Justin's eyes turned grim.

"The kind of steps that would make the Divine wish she had never been born," Justin answered her, "Maker have mercy on her if she has become our enemy, because we shall offer her none."

Wren smiled at Justin's response, he liked the sound of that. HE had lost his Mum to Templars years ago.

He found that he was eager to return the favor.

Anything that hurt the chantry was okay in his book, and who said that this would be the only opportunity. If the threat was as bad as Justin claimed.

Wren might not just get the revenge he had always wanted, but the means to provide his patron to deal with the chantry once and for all.

The healer could not pass that up, he wouldn't.

It was time for a change in Thedas, a change the spell doom for the chantry.

Wren found himself looking forward to that,


	7. Faithless

**Chapter 7: Faithless**

Ser Bradley Reinhart came to Ferelden for three reasons.

The first was an order from the new Knight-Commander of Kirkwall; Ser Gaston Delance demanded that the Champion of Kirkwall be returned to the city in irons. He blamed her for the death of Knight-Commander Meredith Stannard, and also accused her of starting the plague that had ravaged Lowtown and the Alienage. They had received information that the champion had joined her sister in northern Ferelden.

Delance wanted them both; he had ordered it in fact.

Bradley was ordered to come and so he came, an order was an order.

Knight-Captain Cullen had given him additional orders. Cullen wanted Hawke returned because he thought that she could talk to the surviving mages of Kirkwall. That she could convince them to return to the Gallows without further bloodshed. He had already spoken with the Divine about this; she was prepared to offer the champion a full pardon for what happened in the Gallows in exchange for her help.

Bradley had met the champion several times during his time in Kirkwall. After what Meredith had done, Hawke would never believe that the Divine wanted to pardon her.

She would likely consider this a trap, and respond accordingly.

This brought him to the third reason that Bradley had accepted this mission, the one true reason why he was here.

Those who knew him would doubt his reasoning to be certain, but he did not care.

Bradley Reinhart had come to Ferelden to die.

Not that he was suicidal of course, oh no, suicide was a sin in the eyes of the Maker. But if he was to die in battle, if the champion slew him, that would be an honorable death, and most important of all…

A release from his pain.

So he had come here with Hadley, once one of Meredith's finest cronies, and now Delance's. Hadley bought everything that Delance said, about how the Templars were the only true faithful in Thedas, and it was the Maker's will that they rule over Thedas as his chosen few.

Bradley had listened to everything Delance had said, and he no more believed it then he had believed that Meredith had been completely innocent in the mages of Kirkwall turning to blood magic.

There was a time when the young Templar had believed in the Chantry, that it was their duty to serve the Maker and guard the circle. He wanted to embody that belief.

The Gallows taught him differently.

The mages resented him for what he was; they saw him as an oppressor, not as a protector. The Templars thought him weak for his views. They shunted him to assignments where he would not interfere with their personal agendas.

He had spoken to his mentor Ser Thrask about this many times. Thrask always said he needed to keep his faith, and trust in the will of the Maker and the wisdom of his superiors.

Bradley had believed that, right up until when Thrask allied himself with blood mages and got himself murdered by one.

His faith had faltered in that moment but did not fail.

Then…then came the night of the right of annulment.

Meredith had ordered him to kill mages and he had done that, in her name and in the name of righteousness he had done just that. Never in all his time in the gallows had he met a mage who could be considered righteous. They proved that spectacularly by how many turned to blood magic.

When the smoke cleared, Meredith tried to turn on the champion herself. When Cullen refused her, she turned to the darkest of magic, focused through that accursed rune blade of hers.

She was no better than Orsino! She was as much a monster as any mage!

It was in that moment that Bradley realized that his entire life had been one bad joke! He was trapped serving in an order that no longer believed in faith. All that mattered was power and lyrium.

Bradley was disgusted by that.

Sadly, he could not leave; the lyrium bound him to the Templars tighter than any chain. He came to hate his duty, and resent his vows. All he wanted now was an end to it all.

The champion could grant him that.

Hadley had managed to locate the Hawke home outside of Highever; they had waited until after dark and came with a fully armed squad of mercenaries. Sadly…there was no sign of the champion.

_It is not fair,_ Bradley thought_, how can I die in battle if she is not here!?_

The young dark haired woman was familiar to him. It may have been almost seven years, but he recognized her as a member of Hawke's Flock. Dark hair, honey brown eyes, but something was different. The girl did not walk like some timid flower on the run.

Even dressed as a farmer, she carried herself with the gate of a seasoned warrior.

_So this was the champion's apostate sister, interesting. _

Bradley tried to explain this to Hadley, but the elder Templar only accused him of losing his nerve.

If Hadley was too stupid to realize that something did not feel right, it was not Bradley place to correct him.

Hadley figured that even if the champion wasn't here, she would come and try to rescue her sister. When she did, they would have them both.

Bradley saw the wisdom in that plan. One lone apostate would be a match for the forces that Delance had sent. One apostate mage and her elven servant would be no match for all of them.

AT least they should be no match.

Thrask had always taught his young protégé to trust his instincts. He had a bad feeling about this plan, but of course said nothing. If there was something more going on than perhaps he would still find the end he sought.

AT least he could hope so.

They waited until the Hawke woman left for the night, and then they set their trap. When she returned home, they would take her.

The plan did not work out quite as they had expected.

IOI

Bethany groaned, sweet Maker that had hurt, she had been smited before, there were several wardens back in Ansburg who had Templar training, and she had used them to train against it, but it never ceased to amaze her how weak it left her.

The Templar had smited her right out of the cart she and Serene had been riding in.

Serene screamed as she had fallen, the elven bard was laying it all on quite thick, trying to convince the Templars that they had caught unsuspecting prey.

The warden mage was eager to teach them just how unexpected they were.

She knew that the others were watching, waiting for the perfect moment to spring the trap. It was Bethany and Serene's job to make sure their eyes were only on the two captured women.

Serene assured Justin that she could do that.

The elf begged and pleaded pathetically, which only encouraged the Templar's soldiers. The older Templar seemed content to kick the warden mage, all the while demanding to know where Marian was.

Each kick filled Bethany with fury, when they were ready she would repay the Templar bastard back five-fold.

Another kick struck Bethany in the ribs, she gasped in pain, but her hand drifted to the dagger in the hidden sheath on her back. She crawled further into the courtyard. The younger Templar winced with every blow, but did nothing to stop them.

Templar bastards, Bethany thought, they were bullies, cowards, or both.

She made herself a promise in that moment; neither of these Templars was getting out of this courtyard alive.

Just a little farther and she would make that promise a reality.

Just…a little farther.

IOI

Bradley had watched as long as he could.

When the men held the elf girl at knife point that was one thing.

When Hadley kicked the champion's sister that was one thing.

But then the bastard did something that Bradley would not allow or forgive.

He told the men to enjoy the elf; he was going to entertain himself with the Hawke girl.

Two of the men started dragging the elf towards the bard while, Hadley stood over the champion's sister.

The senior Templar had begun to unbutton his kilt.

Bradley knew what the man wanted.

And he knew he had seen enough!

Alrik, Thrask, Delance, and now Hadley, none of them were worthy to wear the sword of mercy. The order would be better off without them.

Bradley walked up behind Hadley. He drew a stiletto out of his left gauntlet.

Hadley was a disgrace to the uniform! He did not deserve to serve the Maker anymore.

The Maker may have deserted Bradley, but his justice be done…never the less.

Hadley's full attention had been on Bethany.

He never saw Bradley coming.

The young Templar stabbed his superior in the throat, Hadley struggled but it was no use. Bradley yanked the blade out, causing blood to geyser from the wound in Hadley's neck.

The senior Templar turned to him, his eyes wide, demanding to know why?

Bradley did not bother to answer, Hadley never would have understood anyway.

The mercenaries turned their blades on him; the young Templar drew his sword and prepared for the end.

I shall not fear the legion he thought. He prayed that the Maker understand why he had acted as he had. He asked for forgiveness for him many sins and to be brought to the Maker's side.

He was outnumbered, his death should have come right then.

That is when the Grey Wardens sprang their trap.

IOI

Bethany drew her dagger. She stabbed one of the mercenary archers in the throat.

Serene freed herself from the two fools that had been groping her; she broke ones neck, and flipped over the other. She drew the man's own dagger from his belt and stabbed him from behind.

It was then that Justin and the others attacked, Wren summoned illusions confusing the mercenaries. While Merrill cast a blood spell melting the flesh off the bones of several others. Colo's battle ax severed heads and limbs. Justin gave himself to the fury of the berserkers, he became death incarnate.

The mercenaries died quick, they were no match for Grey Wardens.

Wren tossed Bethany her staff; the warden mage shot fire at the panicking mercs. Bradley brought down another with a feral snarl. Those who served the chantry did not try and rape women.

He would send them to the Maker, and let him decide on final judgment.

The battle ended quickly after that.

Out of breath, Bradley stood over the dead mercenaries. He had violated every order that Delance and Cullen had given him.

Maker…it had felt good.

He was about to turn an address the ones who had saved him when he was flattened painfully to the ground.

It seemed that the champion's sister had recovered from Hadley's smite.

It seemed that Ser Bradley Reinhart would find his death here after all.

IOI

Bethany stood over the young Templar. He looked back at her with empty eyes.

She could barely contain her anger, this bastard was about to die.

"Send me to the Maker," the young man said, "I am ready."

"No problem," Bethany spat, she spun her staff, preparing to decapitate the boy.

Justin grabbed her arm, he stopped her.

"I want a prisoner," he reminded her.

"He is a Templar from Kirkwall," Bethany replied, "He deserves death."

"Finish him Bethany," Wren said hungrily, "They all deserve death."

Bethany tried to bring her staff around, still Justin stopped her.

"I said no." he growled.

Serene ran up to the boy.

"Bethany wait," the elf proclaimed, "he helped us."

"That does not change what he is," Bethany snarled, "You did not see what they did in Kirkwall. You did not see the children, their bodies broken and bloody on the floor of the gallows. I did."

"I'm guilty," the young Templar proclaimed, "please…I deserve to die!"

"Shut up Templar," Justin snapped at him, "Betts…I'm ordering you to stand down!"

Bethany glared hatefully at the commander, how dare he stop her from doing this!

"He does not deserve your pity Justin, or your mercy."

"He could be useful, let's interrogate him" Serene said, "He can tell us what we need to know about Delance."

"We already know what Delance is doing," Bethany hissed, "If we spare this bastard he will bring down others on us."

"He may yet be useful to us," Justin said quietly, "Betts please, in your Father's name; I'm begging you to stop."

Bethany's eyes widened in shock, how dare Justin ask on her Father's name to spare a Templar! Did he not understand? Did he not know what they had done?

"This is a mistake," She warned him.

"It is my mistake to make," he said coldly, "And as your commanding officer Warden Hawke, you are hereby ordered not to harm this boy. Is. That. Clear?"

Bethany felt her hand tightening around her staff. Justin was lucky…if she was not such a good warden…

"I said is that _**clear **_Warden Hawke?"

Bethany lowered her staff, the Templar leaned back, he sighed slightly.

"Crystal," Bethany spat.

She turned and strode off angrily.

Justin sighed; he looked down at the Templar.

"Are you alright?"

"She is right," the Templar said glumly, "You should have killed me."

Justin shook his head; he did not know what was worse a suicidal Templar or a homicidal Bethany Hawke.

First thing was first.

"Colo secure the prisoner," he ordered, Merrill get a fire going. Wren see to any injuries the others might have. Serene see what we can salvage from these bastards."

"Yes commander," the elf said with a slight bow, "What are you going to do?"

His eyes followed in the direction Bethany had retreated.

"I'm going to have a word with Betts," he said quietly, "It is about time we had a little chat."

Justin followed after the warden mage.

Serene shook her head.

She would not want to be in Beth's shoes for all the gold in Thedas right now.


	8. Lost Innocence

**Chapter 8: Lost Innocence**

Bethany retreated into the little farmhouse. It was all she could do to keep from screaming, she…she hated this, Justin had given her an order, and she had obeyed…

But it was wrong!

She caught a glimpse of herself in the bedroom mirror, the simple farm girl clothes, the blouse, the leggings.

She hated seeing herself like this, like the deep roads had never happened, that the taint was not coursing through her veins.

She hated the Templar; she would have gladly given him the death he had desired.

But she hated herself far more…hated what she had become.

She tore off the blouse and leggings, she went to the small dresser and removed her warden clothes, and began to dress. The gambeson, the leggings, the belt, and gloves, her fury cooled as she saw herself in the mirror. She looked like a warden again.

It was better this way, better than pretending to be something she wasn't anymore.

_Pretending that she was more than a warden, that she could still have a life outside the order that ship had sailed long ago, she was trapped._

_Nothing could ever change that._

She sensed Justin approaching; she knew had followed her inside.

She shook her head; she had spared his precious Templar, what more did he **want **from her?

"Betts?" he said quietly, as he knocked on the door.

"I am changing Commander," she replied, "I shall be out shortly."

There was a brief pause. Bethany feared that he would order her to come out. She could not be around him just yet; she needed this privacy, to calm down, and center herself anew.

She did not want to imagine what would happen if he did not give her that chance.

"Very well," he sighed, "I'll be waiting in the sitting room; I would like to speak to you as soon as you are able."

"Yes Ser," she answered, she heard him go back down the hall.

The mage sighed.

She hated the fact that she could not simply sit down and talk to Justin without getting angry. She hated the fact that he reminded her of Carver. And most important of all, she hated that he made her think about herself, what she had been before the joining.

**That **was the **worst **thing of all.

Being in Ansburg had made it easy to forget. She was simply another warden there.

Here, Justin knew her; he knew who she had been before. It felt like he was comparing her to someone long dead.

She…she did not want to look at who she had been, if she did that, she would likely end up wanting to kill herself.

_She…she could only endure so much._

He acted like he wanted to save her, that he could turn back time and give her back what the joining had taken from her.

That…was impossible, she was who she was. It was sweet for Justin to try, but it was a goal doomed to failure.

She was fine with who she was, and what she had become.

The mage frowned.

Most days she was…**sometimes.**

IOI

Justin paced back and forth. He was so angry with the mage, but at the same time, he felt a great swell of pity.

Maker's breath, what had happened to her in the last ten years?

Malcolm would have been horrified to see his youngest daughter ready to kill so indiscriminately. That was not how he had raised Bethany, Justin was sure of that.

_What is best in me, not what is most base._

That simple phrase had been Malcolm Hawke's mantra, the underlying lesson for not only Bethany, but for Marian and Carver as well. Justin had come to respect those teachings.

He could not imagine what Malcolm would say if he saw Bethany now.

The mage finally emerged from her room, once again in uniform, she walked up to him and stood at parade rest.

"Is there something you need of me Commander?" she asked.

It was all he could do to keep his temper in check. He wanted to yell, to find out what in Andraste's name was wrong with her! Bethany Hawke did not threaten to kill young men who had surrendered! Killing for self-defense was one thing, but Bethany had almost committed murder.

He…he wanted…no…he needed…to have her talk to him.

"You were going to kill that boy," he said flatly.

"Yes," she replied flatly.

"And that doesn't bother you in the least?"

"I have killed before Commander," she reminded him, "It would not be the first time."

"Killing that boy would have been murder," he reminded her.

She did something then that surprised him, something that he never would have expected from Malcolm Hawke's daughter.

She laughed.

"Do you think this is the first time I have committed murder?" she asked, "Tell me Commander, have you ever stared into the face of a child infected by the taint?"

He shook his head no.

"I have," she said, her voice thick with pain, "An innocent little boy, whose only crime was surviving a darkspawn attack. Only he and his mother survived. The boy's Father had been killed, but not before he slew the genlock trying to reach his wife and child. The poor man had slit the creature's throat, spraying blood everywhere, it had even sprayed on the poor boy, some of that blood got into a cut."

Justin shivered.

"Stroud…he…he promised the boy's mother that I would help him. I…I held that boy in my arms, embraced him as a Mother would," Bethany flinched, she hated what came next, but Justin had asked and needed to hear this story. Stroud had called her very brave that day.

"I comforted him, soothed him. He…he said thank you for saving him, murmured it in my ear as he sat in my arms. When he stopped crying, when he dozed off I…I…" Bethany shook her head, she…she could not finish the sentence.

She still remembered the warm splash on her chest, the soft leak on her shoulder as the boy left this world.

The boy's mother had not known what really happened that day. She had believed that the child had died of a battle injury. The woman had thanked her for trying to help her son…actually thanked her.

The mage sighed, it had been very, very dirty business, but she had done it anyway.

She had to.

She gathered her strength and finished her story.

"Stroud reminded me later that I had shown the child great mercy, the taint would have taken him if I had not freed him. Freed him?" she laughed mirthlessly, "I ended that poor boy's life to save his soul. I became a murderer that day for the greater good. I gave up a piece of my soul to do what was needed. So if you ask me how I could kill a young Templar, a boy with the blood of countless mages from Kirkwall on his hands. I say that I would have no problem doing it. It would have been far easier than what I did to that poor child, a boy who was strong enough to survive the darkspawn, but was not strong enough to survive the taint."

Justin was speechless. He…he had never had to kill a child, not during his raiding days, or even during his time as a Grey Warden. Part of him wanted to pull Betts into his arms, to comfort her, to let her know that she was not alone.

But he realized that she would never accept his comfort, not now.

"Don't you pity me," she growled, "Don't you dare."

He remained silent.

"You are still new to the order, so you do not understand what is expected of you yet." she said with a wan smile, "You will have to do things that sicken you. I'm sorry if you do not approve of who I am, but I will not change to suit anyone. I do my duty, I am a good soldier, whether anyone likes it, or not."

She left him then, he was so young, so naïve by her reckoning, but he would learn in time.

Andraste help him, but he would learn.

IOI

There was nothing Justin could say, he…he could not imagine what had been through.

Commander Torrik had said that wardens did what was necessary to fulfill their goals, but what Bethany described, could he do that?

He did not want to say yes. It went against everything that Malcolm had taught him. Everything that Bethany had been taught.

Was this his future in the order? Would he become as cold and ruthless as Bethany?

_She is not cruel._

The voice sounded like Commander Torrik, the dwarf who had led the lost Garrison before him.

_It would be easier if she was cold and ruthless. She is pragmatic, she understands sacrifice bilge rat. This is the truth about being a warden, __**we **__sacrifice and do the truly harsh things, so that others do not have to, do not judge the poor girl, simply try to understand._

Justin clenched his fists, he did not want to accept that there would be times that he would not be able to save someone.

It was very easy to become jaded, to decide that there was no way out but the easy path.

He understood Bethany a little better now, the sacrifices she had made for the order.

But he refused to accept that she was beyond help. He still believed that underneath all that harshness, and pragmatism the girl he had grown up with was still there.

He owed it to Malcolm to help her if that was true, and more importantly, he owed it to Betts herself.

IOI

Bethany strode past her fellow wardens. Merrill and Serene were conversing with the bound Templar. Colo was finishing going over the dead mercenaries looking for anything of value.

She had no desire to talk to any of them. Her feelings were still raw, still too close to the surface.

She wanted…no she needed…to be alone.

She entered the barn, she plunked down on a bale of straw. She hated to admit it, but she would miss this place when they left.

It had been nice to pretend that she was free of the order, at least for a little while. She…

She froze, she felt magic, a kind she was unused to sensing.

Her eyes narrowed.

"Come out," she growled, "I don't like being spied upon."

The shadows parted, Andreas Wren stood before her. The healer approached her with caution, the caution that a man might use approaching a dragon's nest.

He sat down next to her.

"Are you all right?" he asked.

She laughed bitterly.

He sighed, it seemed that she was not.

"What do you want Birdie," she said shaking her head.

"Well," the healer shrugged, "I wanted to let you know that I believe you are right, about the Templar, Justin, and everything else."

Bethany gave him a surprised look.

"Justin is your friend?" she reminded him.

"He is, but he does not understand what it means to be a mage. He does not know what our people suffer at Templar hands, and if I might be so bold, I do not think that he is the right man to be leading us on this mission."

Bethany almost laughed, "The wardens won't follow you Birdie."

"No they won't," he smiled, "but they would follow you."

Bethany's eyes widened, what was he saying?

"When we were raiders, Justin was voted to become our leader because he was the most qualified to bring us success and profit. He is not the most qualified to help us defeat this Delance. You are strong, cunning, and have the warden experience to lead us successfully. I believe that Merrill would follow you given her relationship with your sister, Serene probably to. Colo…well…to be honest, I'm not sure where Colo's loyalties would lay on this."

"And what of you?" She asked.

Wren gave her an enigmatic smile.

Somehow, for some reason…it looked strangely familiar.

"Justin is my friend, but he said it best, we need to succeed here. I believe you would be the best choice to secure that success."

Bethany considered what Wren was saying. Justin's promotion to Commander had been a battlefield one, with only Colo to vouch for him. She could technically take command, few would consider it mutiny. She would simply be putting the mission into more stable warden hands.

And of course…the Templar would have to die.

That would be a necessity.

That did not bother her that much.

_No…what was she thinking…this…__**this was insane!**_

"I will not betray Justin," she informed the healer.

"I'm not asking you to," he reminded her, "Just be ready if the change of command thing comes up, and know that you would not stand alone. I would gladly help you; we would gladly help Justin by doing so yes?"

Bethany looked down at her hands. Justin was not in the right frame of mind for this mission, she doubted that he could do what needed to be done.

If his conscience got in the way, she…she would need to do what had to be done to ensure this missions success.

Delance had to die; this was not about the Lost who had been killed in Kirkwall. This was not Justin's quest for vengeance. It was a mission sanctioned at the highest levels of the order.

It was her duty to do what was necessary.

Their history never entered into it, Justin would simply have to understand.

The old warden saying held true.

A warden did what she must.

She hoped that Justin would not force her to make that choice.

She truly did.


	9. Relationships

**Chapter 9: Relationships**

Bethany was really, really, starting to hate the Templar.

It wasn't just the fact that he was a Templar either, it was…well everything…if she was being perfectly honest with herself.

This…Ser Bradley was an emotional wreck. He bounced back and forth between desperation and fury. When Justin and told him about the Knight-Commander, and what the wardens believed he had done. The boy had immediately swore an oath to aid them, if Delance was responsible for everything that the wardens claimed, Bradley felt it was his duty as a member of the Templar Order to see the man punished.

Bethany rolled her eyes. She did not buy the whole noble thing for a second; she suspected that this was all just an act, a ploy to get into the wardens good graces.

So, she had confronted Bradley about it.

He had not been angry about her accusations; he had just stood there, looking at her with those sad tortured eyes. He dropped to his knees and offered her his blade.

"I have sworn an oath to aid you," he said sadly, "if you believe that I'm a threat; feel free to end my life here and now. I will offer no resistance."

Her eyes had widened, did the Templar want to die that badly, and did he truly think his duty was not worth living for?

He sickened her, who would act like this?

_Why don't you look in a mirror,_ she thought to herself_, you aren't that different really._

Bethany did not like that thought, she…she was nothing like him. Yes, she hated the things the order had made her do, but she would never throw herself on a blade to end her pain.

_Does it matter if it is the blade of enemy or one you hold yourself. You are no different from this poor boy._

_You are __**exactly**__ the same._

The thought that that was true enraged her, she wanted to kill him, just to make such a comparison stop.

She didn't want to think such thoughts anymore.

Ending the Templar would free her from those uncomfortable thoughts.

She…she had nearly did it, right then and there. She could feel Wren's gaze on her demanding that she take care of the boy.

The others did not agree; the look Justin, not to mention Serene had given her. Those looks warned of serious consequences if she did as she desired and ended Bradley's life.

**Shit!**

She gave him back his blade, and left to see her other business. She hated him, and she found that she hated herself even more for being like him in the first place.

So…she had let him go, she did not like it, but she did it, and so the chantry's toy soldier would remain with them, despite Maker knows how many deaths he had caused during the annulment of the Gallows.

Wren advised her to be patient; there would be other opportunities to deal with this problem.

Justin was aware that Delance already had people in Ferelden. They had been filtering in slowly over the past few months. No doubt the Knight-Commander had already prepared if his capture team had failed.

The wardens had to make him want to come here himself. That meant staying one step ahead of Delance's followers. It was safe to say that the northern roads were all being watched, that left them with one option only.

They would need to head south; towards the one place that no one would dare go unless it was absolutely necessary.

They would need to pass through the Blightlands of Southern Ferelden.

Even though the Blight had ended almost eight years earlier, the lands that the horde had marched across were still mostly dead. Not to mention the fact that there were still darkspawn wandering the ruined landscape there.

It would not be an easy passage, but it would have just the right sense of desperation that might draw the Knight-Commander to them.

Justin decided that they had no choice.

They would need to make the journey.

IOI

The Blightlands were not as bad as Bethany had expected…they were in fact, quite worse.

Less than a decade ago the lands of the northern bannorn had been fertile, small farms and villages had dotted its rolling plains. The Hawke family had moved many times across these lands before settling in Lothering shortly after Bethany had turned eight.

She missed the simplicity of those times, her father's presence, her mother's cooking, and her siblings always there to stand with her and keep her safe.

Sadly, those days were gone, as dead as the lands that stretched on and on before her.

The soil was tainted, it was not just devoid of life, it was simply and utterly poisoned, it might take decades for anything to grow here again. The farms that had once stood here were just burned out husks now. The villages were just a collection of ruins that not even scavengers would pick over anymore.

The darkspawn had destroyed these lands. The destruction that they had caused continued to linger, Famine, disease, and rebellion still raged as the country tried to stagger back to its feet.

Bethany could not bring herself to look at the tainted soil, to listen to the wind whistling through the dead trees.

These sights and sounds brought back too many bad memories. Memories of fleeing the Blight, memories of watching Carver die.

She tried to will those dark thoughts away. She was not a victim anymore; she was a grey warden, a soldier against the darkness.

She did not just have nightmares, to the darkspawn, she was **their** nightmare!

Bethany sighed; it was easier to be tough when she did not have to look at all the death and destruction that the wardens had failed to prevent a decade ago.

It was easier not to realize how much they had failed their homeland.

Bethany pushed away those thoughts, they weren't helping. She reached out with her warden senses; so far she could only sense the background taint of the dead lands around her.

Part of her welcomed a darkspawn attack; she needed to hurt something…anything.

She found herself riding beside Serene; the elf had pulled a few apples out of their food stores and juggled them with the skill of a professional jester.

She was juggling, actually juggling while riding on a horse!

Merrill laughed like a child, to her this was extremely amusing, and a nice change from all the taint and death around them.

Even Bethany had to admit it was impressive, the elven girl kept adding apples until she had five moving gracefully through the air.

She smiled at the look on Bethany's face.

"I did more than spy on the nobility back in Orlais you know," the elf reminded her, "My master's cover was that we were a company of travelling circus performers. We were known all over the empire. Many a duke or Baron welcomed our arrival with both applause and coin."

The warden mage smirked.

"I'm sure he did," Bethany said dryly, "until you or one of your fellow performers assassinated him anyway."

Serene grinned, that **had **happened a time or two.

Bradley glanced in her direction, Serene smiled politely, and reversed the direction of her juggling, A hint of a smile might have played over the young Templar's face, Bethany could not be sure,

Serene was more than pleased with the results.

So far so good, she thought.

She noticed the look Bethany was giving her.

"What? The elf asked innocently.

Bethany rolled her eyes; surely the bard didn't think she was **that **blind.

"You might as well not even bother," the mage told her, "Templars aren't interested in such things."

The elf smiled.

"I have it on good authority my friend, that human men find me very attractive and Templars are the best, all that repression, and self-loathing. Our dear Bradley is just looking for an outlet, mark my words."

"You realize of course that we may have to kill him before all is said and done," Bethany reminded her.

"If he is going to die anyway," Serene shrugged, "Why shouldn't I take a ride or two?"

Bethany looked at her, her eyes wide with horror.

"Maker that is horrible!" she groaned.

Serene merely smiled.

"You know, this isn't any of my business, but I really have to ask, when was the last time you were with a man?"

Bethany's eyes narrowed dangerously.

"You are right Serene, **THAT** is none of your business," the mage growled.

Few people would say that it was wise to bait a mage, but the elf did not seem worried, if anything she seemed to enjoy her fellow warden's discomfort.

"All I'm saying is that sex is an excellent stress reliever, and I think that you could use a little relief."

"I'm not listening," Bethany said trying to ignore her.

"Ooh," Merrill said excitedly, "Are we talking about dirty things? Can I jump in to?"

Bethany closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and counted to ten.

She was trying very hard not to want to kill either of the two elves.

She got her temper under control, barely, how dare the elf ask her about such things.

_Still…_

Bethany's frown deepened.

_Still…Serene did have a point._

Bethany did not want to think about that. It…it had been a while since she had sought any comfort for herself.

_Would it be so bad to do so now? _

Part of her acknowledged the fact that it would.

It…It just got too hard after a while, Darren had been her first, she…she had loved him, and when he had died it had felt like someone had ripped out her heart. It had been him that had made her realize that her life did not have to be over, that being a warden was simply a new chapter of it.

His death seemed to turn her heart to ice. She still sought companionship from time to time, but never anything serious, and always as a form of comfort.

_She had no desire to be tied down to anyone, not when it meant watching that person die._

Fenris had been the first after Darren. Marian did not know that part. She had returned to Kirkwall and had sought him out when she realized that she could not face her Mother and sister. She could not bring herself to stay at the estate, not after everything that had happened in the deep roads. Fenris had agreed to put her up for the night, and one thing had led to another…

She felt no shame about their little interlude. They had both needed a release, and had found it with each other.

In fact, she had been grateful that Wolf had understood her feelings. It had just been something that had happened, nothing more.

The third time had been with that warden lieutenant from Ferelden, Nathaniel had been his name. She had been so angry after bumping into her sister in the abandoned thaig that had cost her her freedom years earlier. Nathaniel had also been hurting, he had married a fellow warden, and she had been lost in the deep roads several years earlier.

Once again, she had no regrets, she had needed to be comforted and Nathaniel had supplied that for her.

No recriminations and no guilt.

That was all she craved now.

Bethany was very choosey about who she chose to take to her bed. She wanted someone who would be gentle, but at the same time understand that she desired no strings attached.

Isabela would likely have agreed with her about such arrangements.

Bethany had to admit, the thought of company was not too repellant. Colo was easy on the eyes, and he seemed to be a rather warm fellow.

Wren made no bones about the fact that he found her interesting. Still, she did not entirely trust him. If he was willing to sell out Justin over the Templar, what else might he do?

That left Justin…

Bethany shuddered, and not in a good way.

There had been a time that she might have welcomed his touch, might even have sought it out, but she was a different person then.

Justin was her commanding officer, and more importantly he was Carver's best friend. She had been around Justin since she was eight years old. When he had left, that…that had hurt her badly…she had no desire to be hurt again.

The thought of forgiving him, much less the thought of taking him to her bed made her ill.

_No, he had made his choice, and she had made hers, there were something's that even she was not prepared to do._

A change in the wind, snapped her out of her musing, the stench of fresh decay and death filled the air.

Bethany's eyes narrowed, she knew that scent, she had come to hate that scent over the years.

Justin called their advance to a halt.

He may still have been freshly tainted, but he recognized what was waiting for them up ahead.

Justin ordered a dismount, the group formed up for battle. Ser Bradley and Wren seemed concerned, they both wanted to know what was going on.

What else would be going on, she thought, what else could possibly threaten them here in the Blightlands?

Only one thing came to mind for her, and she was sure it would for the rest of the non-wardens as well.

Darkspawn.

The wardens moved as one, they made their way carefully down the old abandoned road. Somewhere up ahead, the spawn were waiting for them.

The wardens would go and introduce themselves.

It was the only polite thing to do.


	10. Battle

**Chapter 10: Battle**

Justin led from the front, his sword and boarding ax in hand, he could feel the rage already starting to build; he was just starting to sense the darkspawn.

He found himself eager to deal with the creatures.

The others marched beside them, Bradley, Serene, and Wren would remain in the back. The elf had not yet gone through the joining, and the Templar and the healer were vulnerable to getting tainted as well.

Justin did not intend to lose anyone to the Blight sickness today.

Bethany stood at his right, while Colo stood at his left. Merrill walked closely behind them, the Dalish looked a little green truth be told.

It was the darkspawn, Justin realized, Merrill had yet to face the beasts since she had been joined into the order.

She would get used to that feeling in time sadly.

"Your orders commander?" Bethany asked smartly.

"Besides kill every tainted bastard in sight," Justin shrugged, "Not much more than that."

Bethany sighed, Maker save her from rookie wardens.

It seemed that she would need to stand up and take a little initiative after all.

"We're looking at a medium size brood," she said grimly, "I don't sense any ogres with them, but definitely a large group, thirty or forty spawn at most."

Justin looked at her, _how did she know that?_

"They will likely have an emissary with them," she continued, "I advise using Merrill and the Templar to deal with him; they may have to do more if there is more than one. I can sense at least one alpha, hurlock I think."

Bethany gave them a cold smile; it was the look of a seasoned predator, practically wolfish in its cruelty.

"The alpha is mine," she said grinning, "Leave him to me."

"How…how do you know all this Lethallan?" Merrill asked her.

"Indeed," Serene said, "It does not seem…"

Bethany cut her off.

"Because I have been a Grey Warden far longer than any of you," she snapped, "Live as long as I have with…this, and you will be able to do what I do.

She had barely held her tongue, she had almost mentioned around Serene that she had been tainted; the warden knew to keep their secret around outsiders like Bradley and Wren. Serene might be a new recruit, but she did not need to know what the joining entailed, at least not yet.

Serene would learn such things soon enough.

"You sure you will be able to handle an alpha on your own?" Justin asked.

"I have done it before," she reminded him, "Just keep the others off my back, and we just might all make it through this…_**NOW MOVE IT PEOPLE!"**_

Bethany took the lead, leaving Justin standing back with the others.

"I…um…I guess we do what Betts says," he shrugged.

From his spot behind them Wren chuckled.

Justin had spoken often of Bethany Hawke during their time together aboard the Rebel Queen. He spoke of a shy warm hearted girl, who always seemed a little afraid of her own magic.

It was clear to Wren that that girl no longer existed; the woman before them was as strong as a steel plate and twice as hard.

The healer found that extremely hot.

He never realized Bethany could be such a hard ass.

Well…if they had to have a hard ass in the group, at least she had a cute ass.

He had enjoyed the view quite often these last few days.

One thing was for sure, if Bethany felt she could handle these darkspawn, Wren would follow her lead.

He had no problem with female authority.

IOI

The spawn nest looked like the ground had simply exploded outward; all around the mouth pink leathery taint was visible.

Bethany wrinkled her nose at the smell.

Several broken carts lay along the side of the road, bodies long since turned to bone lay around the wheels, which were think with round taint sacks.

Bethany did not hesitate she threw a fire ball at the cart, it exploded.

That should get the bastards attention, she thought.

She reached out with her warden senses; she could feel them moving beneath the ground.

Humming buzzed up from the hole in the ground.

Bethany drew her staff.

"Show them no mercy," she advised the non-wardens in the group, "They will show you none, and Serene, you do not want to be captured by them. That would be bad for you."

The elf shivered; some of the older wardens back in Ansburg told her what happened to women who were captured by the spawn.

She did not want to end up like them.

Finally the first darkspawn emerged.

A hurlock alpha, Bethany suspected; it wielded a huge maul. It armor was covered with tainted film. A pointed battle helmet crowned its foul head, its eyes hidden behind a visor. The mouth was filled with dagger-like fangs. It looked like the creature had removed its own lips, streams of black slobber dripped from its mouth.

The hurlock roared a challenge at the warden mage.

She smiled and held her staff up in salute.

_Come on you ugly son-of-a-bitch,_ she thought, come_ to me!_

Other spawn began to emerge, chubby genlocks, and their larger hurlock brethren.

Merrill began to gesture; Bethany felt the hair stand up on the back of her neck.

Tempest exploded in the middle of the spawn, the creatures squealed.

Bethany brought her staff down hard on the ground.

Fist of the Maker, a force magic spell, struck the spawn heavily, many suffered broken bones.

The alpha roared at her and charged.

She ran to meet him. She ducked the heavy maul, and spun the bladed glyph atop her staff slashed the hurlock's side.

The creature howled in pain and fury.

Bethany spun her staff; she was looking to decapitate the creature.

He blocked and advanced on her.

She met his heavy blows with a flurry of her own.

Bethany felt darkspawn magic trying to leech her strength, she countered the _curse of mortality_ with _a dispel magic c_ounter curse, and all while engaging her much stronger opponent.

"Kill the emissary," she shouted, "The rest will break once I've dealt with this bitch!"

She had no time to see if the others obeyed.

She was too busy trying to stay alive.

The crackled of magic and the clang of steel sounded around her.

Bethany's heart quickened fury and magic blasted through her.

Only in this did she find peace anymore.

Dealing death was what she did now…she was a killer.

She had come to accept that.

IOI

Justin spun across the battlefield, dealing death to any spawn to foolish not to get out of his way.

Colo fought at his side. They plunged into the line of darkspawn bolters trying to shoot at the mages standing far back from the battle.

Justin saw the spawn squeal as Wren cast illusions into their small minds. Dozens of spectral wardens moved across the battlefield. So far Birdie was doing a good job of keeping the beasts distracted. Merrill struck with a collection of dalish and blood spells.

Serene flipped and darted around the battlefield. Bradley did his best to back the elf up. The chain and scythe she used was lethal, and the spawn were not used to trying to counter such a weapon.

They died quickly.

Colo screamed!

Justin spun just in time to see his friend caught in a crushing prison spell.

"Bradley!" He shouted.

The Templar turned; he reached out with will and dispelled the magic. Colo collapsed to the ground, spawn swarmed towards him.

"STAY AWAY FROM HIM!" Merrill shrieked, chain lightning leapt from the Dalish's fingers, spawn burst into flames as the electricity flicked like a snakes tongue between them.

Justin paused; he had been distracted by the sight of the burning spawn.

A bolter caught him in the shoulder, his sword fell from his nerveless arm, a hurlock leapt atop Justin biting and clawing at him.

The warden commander was lost in his fury; he punched and chopped with his ax.

The spawn flew back, a chain wrapped around its neck; the creature fell with a wet crunch.

Serene leapt in front of Justin, she spun her chain defensively.

She met a hurlock warrior in straight up combat.

"Crazy elf," Justin shouted, "What are you doing?!"

"Saving your life," she spat, "You can thank me later!"

A genlock rogue tried to attack the elf from behind. Justin threw himself in front of her. The creature's dagger pierced his side.

Justin gasped, he swung his ax, and it cut half way through the beast's neck.

The creature fell, but sadly it was not alone, more spawn emerged from their nest, and the wardens were down two fighters.

Justin staggered and fell back, genlock advanced on him, grinning widely.

Arcane bolts slammed into them. Wren was at Justin's side, healing magic flowed into him.

The warden commander sighed with relief, but only had enough time to avoid a darkspawn war ax swung by an advancing hurlock.

The battle raged on.

IOI

"FOR ANDRASTE!"

Bradley shouted his war cry as he leapt into the thick of the fighting. The dalish blood mage was doing a good job keeping the creatures distracted, but there were just too damn many of them.

A fire ball exploded knocking Templar back. He rolled to his feet and continued the battle.

Where was it? Where was the damn emissary?!

By the time he had spotted it, it was almost too late.

The emissary summoned a swarm of stinging insects down on the Templar.

He ignored the pain and charged on, at the last minute he dispelled the attack, but only when he was sure that the tall emissary with the small head was in range.

The creature staggered back diminished by his attack.

Bradley slashed at it with the edge of his shield. The emissary staggered back, Bradley did not let it escape.

His blade severed its head from its neck, black gore fountained as the creature fell.

Bradley felt his heart sing with the victory!

This was what he should have been doing! All his life he had wanted to serve something greater than himself. He had thought that was the chantry, but this…this…this felt right, it made sense!

Mages could be good people, and Templars could be ruthless bastards. There was no black and white in the chantry, but this…fighting the darkspawn. This made sense, the spawn were monsters, there was nothing gray about the darkspawn, they were monsters and needed to be slain.

It was in that moment that Bradley made a decision. One that would come to define his life.

If he survived this battle, he wanted to be a part of this, not just this mission no.

No.

Bradley Reinhart wanted to be a grey warden.

It was just, it was good.

It was righteous!

IOI

Bethany saw Justin fall trying to defend the elf, she snarled in fury.

She intensified her attack against the alpha.

The ugly bastard just did not know when to die!

The fury of her blows pushed the creature back, but she was starting to tire. Magic and physical exhaustion was beginning to set in. Colo was down, Justin was hurt, and she had saw Merrill take a bolt in the shoulder.

She had been gathering her strength, but it was taking a lot out of her. She might not have the strength to finish the spell she was summoning.

If she faltered, they might lose.

She would not allow that.

The hurlock got lucky; he managed to trip her as she back-pedaled.

He raised his maul ready to crush her head.

Her eyes widened.

That is when the dragon slammed into the alpha, the force of the blow throwing the creature back.

Bethany gasped what?

She looked at the creature.

It was a drake, a wingless male dragon, but…but where had it come from?

It did not matter; the drake had given her a chance!

The creature breathed fire on the alpha causing it to stagger back into its fellows, right at the mouth of the opening to their nest.

Bethany cast her spell.

A wave of force magic slammed down on the opening, causing it to collapse inward. Most of the spawn trying to emerge had been crushed.

The alpha had been caught somewhere in between the magic had pulled everything into the center of the sphere of energy that Bethany had conjured.

The alpha was crushed to the size of a water goblet; it died with a wet slurping pop!

The nest opening was now gone. The remaining spawn were denied their leader, and their reinforcement, the remaining creatures died quickly.

Gasping Bethany tried to regain her feet, she felt a sharp pain in her side, she suspected that the alpha had cracked some of her ribs.

A hand was there, to help her to her feet.

She considered for a moment before taking it. She…she did not like owing anyone anything.

But…given the circumstances she relented.

"Thank you," she said.

"Not a problem," Wren said pleasantly.

She glanced around the battlefield.

"Did you see where that drake went?" she asked him.

"I think it got crushed when you closed that opening," Wren said dismissively.

Bethany nodded, a pity, she did not know where the creature came from, but it had saved their lives.

IOI

"Stay with me Commander," Serene said trying to hold his attention, "keep your eyes on me."

Justin tried to follow her orders, but…it was getting so hard to breathe.

He lay gasping on the ground; two more hurlock bolts had struck him in the chest.

He coughed weakly...he felt no pain, but it would come soon enough when the battle fury passed.

Wren came up beside him.

"Damn it Captain, try ducking next time," the healer snorted, he looked at the two heavy bolts, they needed to be removed before he could do anything.

There was only one thing to do.

"Hold him down," Wren ordered.

Serene who had been cradling his head in her lap put her weight on his shoulders.

"This will hurt commander," she said softly, "Try to remain still."

Justin nodded, trying to ignore the fact that the elf's breasts were right in his face.

_Well,_ he thought, _if I have to die, at least I will go out with a pleasant sight in front of me._

Wren wrapped his fingers around the first bolt.

"Here we go," the healer said.

He yanked out the bolt…**hard.**

Justin fell into darkness, carried off by the first wave of pain.

IOI

Bethany limped over to Colo; the large Antivan had taken a bad fall. She used what healing magic she could, but she was literally spent.

She fished into her belt for a flask of lyrium. Sadly she was out.

Bradley was there then, he offered her one of his.

"Thanks," she said in a small voice.

Bradley nodded.

She did what she could for Colo; Merrill limped over to join her as well.

Justin lay unconscious on the ground. Bethany looked down at him, concern on her face.

"Will he live?" she asked Wren.

"Yes," the healer replied, he looked pale, but was steady.

"If you have any lyrium on you, you might want to use it," she suggested.

He nodded.

Bethany glanced around the battlefield. They had been wounded, but they were victorious never the less.

She turned to the elf, offering her an empty flask.

"What is this?" the bard asked.

"For your joining," Bethany replied, "You will need a vial of darkspawn blood."

Serene took it, she did not know what she needed it for, but the look on Bethany's face said it was unwise to ask.

The elf left Justin's side, he…he could have died, he had saved her, protected her.

Why would he do that?

IOI

Bethany knew they needed to be moving soon, as soon as the wounded were ready; they had to be on their way.

Who knew if there were more spawn around here somewhere.

With Justin down, she had had to assume command; she did not like it, but did it anyway.

"Warden?"

She turned to see Bradley standing in front of her, he held out something to her.

She looked down at it.

It was a vial of darkspawn blood.

"What is this for?" she asked.

"I heard you talking to Serene; you said she needed one for her joining."

Bethany nodded.

"This one is for mine," he informed her.

Bethany was taken aback by this.

"You…you want to join the order?"

"If you will have me," he replied.

She stood there…completely at a loss.

She wanted to say no, but as she looked around, it was clear that the Templar could take care of himself. He had emerged from the battle almost unscathed.

_Such skill could be useful._

She looked into the boy's hard gaze.

"I will give you one chance to walk away from this," she said, "The joining could kill you, if you back away now I will not hold it against you."

"I wanted to die anyway," Bradley snorted, "I would rather die trying to become something better than myself. Please warden let me try."

Bethany rolled her eyes_, stupid fool, did he not know what he was asking?_

Sadly he had made his choice.

"From this point on, there is no turning back," she said taking the vial from him.

"Welcome to the grey wardens Templar," she said offering her hand.

He took it.

"I am not a temple anymore," he promised, "Just call me Bradley."

"Very well Bradley," she said with a smirk, "I hope you survive the experience."

"I will ma'am," Bradley promised her, "I will."

_**AUTHORS NOTE: This story will be going down a very different road from the regular **__**chant of darkness.**__** Be warned gentle readers, many changes are yet to come.**_


	11. Destiny

**Chapter 11: Destiny**

A cold pouring rain battered the wardens in the days following their battle with the darkspawn. Sleet and ice made the forgotten road slippery and difficult. The horses struggled on despite the conditions.

Bethany was concerned that they might encounter darkspawn again, Justin and Colo were still weak from their healing, and she and Wren had pushed their own abilities to the limits. Merrill offered to learn healing spells, but she had little talent for them. It seemed that the duties of keeping everyone hale and healthy once again fell to Bethany and Wren.

Bradley volunteered to keep watch as the others recovered. The Templar, no warden recruit she reminded herself, did what he could, working long shifts, with little rest. Bethany used her magic to bolster the young man's strength, but even he would have to rest eventually.

The mages could bolster the group, but that was it, hopefully, they could move quickly enough and be out of the blightlands before another brood of darkspawn noticed them.

They moved fast, and soon had quickly found themselves leaving the path of the horde behind. The first time Bethany had heard bird song she had almost sobbed with relief. Soon they were passing living trees, and animals. The taint was not as bad here, the lands were slowly recovering, of course tainted animals still made the place dangerous, especially the blight wolves. The warden had been forced to kill a small pack of the creatures two days earlier.

Serene scouted ahead, looking for shelter from the rain, with luck the elven bard would find them a dry cave or abandoned settlement, someplace they could stop and recover from all that had happened.

The warden mage was starting to doubt that they would find anything; it seemed that if the spawn or tainted animals did not kill them, the wet and cold weather might.

Finally Serene returned; the elf had a smile on her face.

She had found them shelter.

The elf led the way, though she was constantly asking Bethany how Justin was doing. The warden mage informed her, that he would be fine, but a goodnights sleep, and a dry place to rest would be more helpful than her magic at this point.

Serene feigned indifference, the elf kept saying that she just wanted Justin to be able to resume his duties so that they could go back to their normal watch routine.

Bethany…knew better.

She found amusement in the elf's questions, it seemed that their little Serene was not as cold hearted as she pretended to be.

It seemed that she had developed a bit of a crush on their Commander.

_The poor…poor little fool._

There were many warnings that Bethany could give the elf. Choosing partners within your garrison could be problematic. She had learned that lesson well with Darren. Of course, the point might be moot in the end. It was possible that Serene would not survive her joining. If that occurred, her feelings would not matter.

Wren seemed pleased that Bradley was going to undertake the joining; he seemed to think that she was using this to rid them of the Templar's presence. She would be lying if she said that had not occurred to her, but truthfully, she would not have accepted him as a recruit of she did not think he had a chance of living through the ritual.

The boy was tough, she had to give him that, and he honestly believed that this was the right thing to do.

So she had accepted him in, Justin stood by her choice, and so he would undertake the joining ritual as soon as they reached the port village of Harper's Ford.

If he survived they gained a warden, if he did not, they were rid of a Templar in their midst.

Either way, the wardens would win.

Serene seemed to think the young knight was stupid for agreeing to this, she had had no choice, she was a conscript, but he…he could have found a new purpose without risking the joining ritual.

Still, Bradley was adamant, he had decided to be warden, and that was it.

Bethany found herself wishing both of the recruits well; she had seen too many die in the joining over the years.

She had no desire to see anymore.

IOI

The shelter the elf had chosen turned out to be an abandoned chantry along the side of the road. The wardens checked it thoroughly first, making sure that no tainted animals or darkspawn hid within; once it was determined to be clear they went inside.

The place was dry for the most part; the chantry had likely cleared it out during the blight years ago, and never returned because they had no faithful left in the surrounding areas.

They had needed to smash several pews to acquire enough dry firewood, but soon the group had settled in nicely, they changed out of their wet clothes, and for the first time in weeks felt safe enough to take some rest.

Bethany volunteered to take the first watch. She knew that she have been used to travelling in the company of others, but after so many days and nights of close company, she was ready to take some rest away from the others. A little solitude would be nice after so many days of travel.

She sat in the entry way of the chantry, listening to the rain as it pattered on the roof, the sound was soothing, she heard the sounds of her fellows conversing, but had no desire to join them.

_A little quiet was nice._

Slowly the others began to turn in for the night, Colo offered to take the next watch after midnight, Bethany agreed, the large Antivan seemed to have recovered from his encounter with the emissary, it was time for him to resume his duties.

Bethany rubbed her tired eyes, they felt gritty, and she suspect that bags had formed there. She would likely need one of her sleeping draughts tonight. Being in the blightlands had robbed her of any restfulness the last few days.

_Every time she closed her eyes, they were there, the darkspawn, and their dragon masters. It was all she could do to keep from waking up screaming._

It was just another reason that she would be happy to leave Ferelden again when this was all over.

_Bad memories and nightmares were all this place held for her now._

She reached into her belt, removing the vial containing one of her sleeping draughts, Stroud had warned her many times not to take these more than two days in a row, but the taint…it was just so strong here, and she had not really had a chance to rest before this journey had begun.

She could not help it, she needed sleep.

She removed the small cork, and prepared to gulp down the contents.

"I wouldn't," he voice said from behind her.

She jumped.

"Wren," she spat angrily, "I don't like being spied on!"

The healer stepped out of the shadows, he recognized the foul concoction that she was about to drink, there were easier, not to mention safer ways to find sleep.

Not that this was any of his business of course, he had simply been board, and had sought her out.

"Who is spying," the healer shrugged, "I merely came to see if you wanted company. The others…well let us just say that I would prefer less cheerful company."

A hint of a smile played across Bethany's face, the others had lapsed into amusing stories. She had not been in the mood to join in herself, what she found amusing these days and what others thought was amusing was two entirely different things.

Wren sat down beside her, he removed, a small blossom from his satchel, he handed it to her.

She gave him an arched look.

"I'm not giving you flowers, if that is what worries you," he explained, "the pollen contained within that blossom, is a powerful sedative. You will find it far less detrimental to your health than those potions that you carry."

Bethany regarded the flower curiously, she did not recognize it.

"My mum discovered it," Wren explained, "She was a village healer. My birth mother had abandoned me, and she took me in, and raised me. She taught me many such things."

Interesting, typically apostates were either poorly trained, or they had served at least some time in the circle. If Wren was to be believed, he had never been placed it one, and was self-taught, which made no sense to her, she had never seen such a powerful self-taught healer before or since.

Bethany found herself growing curious.

"Was your birth mother a mage?" she asked.

"Yes," he responded, "She is a powerful maleficar, one who views Thedas as her personal playground," Wren's face soured into a scowl, he did not like thinking about his Mother, "She wanted another daughter, someone to teach her skills to. When I was born, she tossed me aside. She would send me spells to learn from time to time, but that was all so I might prove useful someday."

"That is horrible," Bethany said.

Wren nodded, it had been horrible, but it was something he had learned to live with, and he had grown stronger because of it.

_Mother was a cruel and heartless bitch, but she had taught him what he had needed to survive._

"Justin told me about your Father," Wren said conversationally, "I would be lying if I said I was not a little envious of your upbringing. Having a parent who both loved you, and could train you, it must have been glorious."

Bethany sighed sadly, it had been glorious, but then Father had died, and she had been left alone.

Thinking of her family started the old pain to rise again, she…no…she would not feel it! She would not go down that path again.

**She would **_**NOT!**_

She forced her emotions back down; she turned her face into a cold indifferent mask.

"The order is my life now," she said flatly, "My duty is all that matters. Who I was…what I was…that girl is dead. She died seven years ago, now all that remains is for the darkspawn to end this mockery of life that I have endured these many years."

"Well, that is cheery," Wren said dryly.

"It is the truth," Bethany responded, "Seven years ago I contracted the blight sickness. I would have died in the deep roads then, but my sister was too stubborn to let me go. She took me to the wardens, and they put me through the joining. It was in that moment that I became their weapon, the order's weapon. A weapon that is fated to be broken upon a darkspawn blade, it may take years, or I may die tomorrow, the only thing I know for certain is that I will fall to the darkspawn. It is my destiny."

Wren snorted.

Bethany looked at him, _what was that for?_

"Would you like some cheese with that whine?" he said coldly.

She glared at him.

"You don't understand," she growled.

"Self-pity, oh I understand that very well," he said, "When I was only fourteen I watched the Templars burn my mum to death in front of me. I felt…lost…lost and furious! I attacked the bastards. I killed all five of the knights who murdered her. When that was done, it was only then that my birth mother came to me."

Wren's eyes turned frigid, he could see the old crone so clearly, her amber eyes, that cruel mocking voice.

"_**I am a monster!"**_

"_You are my son little bird, tis the same __**thing!"**_

Wren did not like thinking about that night, he had in fact only told Justin about it before now. He was not sure why he felt the need to tell Bethany about it.

Perhaps he knew that he could trust her, or perhaps he was simply seeking a way to get into her small clothes.

Either could be possible.

"What did she want of you?" Bethany asked him.

"To remind me that it was my destiny to serve her needs," he spat, "I was blood of her blood, and that meant my only interest should be furthering her plans."

"You disagree with that, I take it?" she asked.

Wren nodded.

"I'm in control of my fate, not my mum, not my birth mother, and certainly not destiny. I'm no one's pawn," Wren turned to her then his eyes cold, "You should not be one either; you are too powerful a mage to allow yourself to be manipulated so."

Bethany shook her head, it was easy for him to say, he did not have the darkspawn taint flowing through his veins.

The taint bound her tighter than any chain.

"If only I could be as free as easily as you are," she smiled wanly, "There is no true cure for the darkspawn taint, I cannot be saved from it, and all I can do is endure."

Wren rolled his eyes, more self-pity…wonderful.

"Then endure," Wren said crossing his arms, "If you cannot free yourself from this, then why don't you simply try to enjoy the simple pleasures of life. You are not dead yet Bethany Hawke. Why not try to find some pleasure in this life?"

She did not respond; there was really nothing that she could say.

_Why couldn't she simply try to find a bit of happiness? Why did she have to hide behind her duty all the time?_

Perhaps, it was because that no one would accept her as she was now. It had been hard enough before when she was simply a mage, now that she was a warden as well...

No one wanted anything to do with a twice cursed warden mage!

"Thank you for trying to talk to me," she said sadly, "but I know who I am. I am a grey warden, and I will die fighting the darkspawn, there is nothing else left for me."

Wren considered that.

"If you know how the story ends anyway, why not have some fun while you are still here. There is no reason you cannot sate your desires for pleasure. I say again, why aren't you out enjoying what you still have?"

Enjoy life? It seemed ridiculous; she had lost too much, seen too much. However he did have a point, she had thought out simple pleasures in the past, would it hurt her to do so again?

She…she did not think so.

Thanks for the flower," she said, rising from where she sat, she arched her back making the bones pop.

Wren ignored the view, mostly.

"I'm suddenly tired, she informed him, "I think I will try your suggestion and get some sleep. Thanks again for the flower."

He nodded, happy to be of service.

She returned to her bedroll, she lay down and pulled out the small flower. She placed it close to her nose and mouth, and squeezed it as Wren had suggested. The pollen was released. At first she felt nothing, but then…

Her world spun, she felt extremely drowsy, the world started to fade. She had only enough time to lay back and get comfortable.

Sleep took her into its dark embrace, and embrace that would last for almost six hours and be completely dreamless.

Bethany found that extremely useful.

They, after all, had another big day tomorrow.

By then they should reach the village of Harper's Ford.

Then…the joining could begin.


	12. My Warden Sister

**Chapter 12: My Warden Sister**

The Grey Wardens had finally been able to reach the port village of Harper's Ford. They had emerged from the blightlands suffering from both injuries and lack of sleep. The spawn had attacked them several times more before they left, but they had weathered those storms, and emerged victorious.

Bethany sighed, to finally not be assault by the taint. To breathe air that did not stink of it, to not feel the scaly touch of it under her fingers, and best of all to not feel it humming in her blood with every step on the tainted ground.

_**That **__was a prize worth anything._

She felt that they had emerged from a month long nightmare; she said a silent prayer to the Maker for granting her the strength to endure it.

_Of course, she had not done it alone._

She glanced back at Wren, the healer had been Maker sent to her it seemed, his potions had allowed her to get the first truly goodnight sleep that she had experienced in almost six years. The potions that the warden gave her always left her feeling disconnected; it felt like that she had only rested enough to function, and nothing more.

Wren noticed her look and nodded to her.

She gave him a hint of a smile. The first true smile she had shown in many weeks.

She knew how other saw her. They saw her as an angry and bitter person. She had every reason to be bitter of course, but that was not all she was. She could be nice when she desired to, Fenris had seen that, so had Nathaniel. Of course she had not had a lot of opportunities to be nice over the last few years. She had found herself moving from battle to battle with barely time to wash the blood from her face and hands. She had seen too much, stood before the funeral pyres of too many friends and allies.

_It was easy to be surly under such conditions, to feel that life was nothing but pain, one long bad dream._

A certain healer had helped her move past that.

It felt like Wren, or Birdie as Justin liked to call him, had given her the means to finally awaken. To see Ferelden with fresh new eyes, they still had a long way to go, but now…now that she had finally got the chance to rest…

_The journey did not seem as daunting anymore._

She felt ready to do her duty, to help the others find a way to stop this Gaston Delance once and for all.

After what she had experienced in Kirkwall, she was more than eager to give the Templars a bloody nose.

Of course, there was still the matter of the joining. Both Serene and Bradley needed to be formally brought into the order.

Bethany said a silent prayer for the two recruits. She had seen too many brave young men and women die over the years.

She had no desire to add the Templar and bard to that list.

Of course in the end, it was not her call, the two recruits would either survive, or they would not.

That was just the way it was, all she could for them now was hope…

And pray.

IOI

Harper's Ford was a busy place; the Blight eight years earlier had driven so many Fereldans to the sea. With so much farmland lost to the darkspawn, fishing had become one of the few industries that could still feed a family.

The docks were full of fishing boats, both under sail, and some under construction. Merchants traded their wares for the fishermen's' choice stock. Oil, bread, fruits and vegetables, all were traded here. The smell of fish and the sea was so strong that even the buildings reeked of it.

Not that Bethany minded; it was nice to see life returning to her old homeland, to know that the darkspawn had not won. Anything was better than the smell of the taint and death.

The mage found herself walking next to Serene, their cart and horses had been left near the stables of Harper's Ford. The group made their way to the local inn. They would remain there until the Ferelden wardens arrived sometime tomorrow.

Then the joining would take place.

Then they would see if they gained two knew wardens, or sent them on their way to the Maker.

Bethany glanced over at Serene, if she was in the elf's shoes she would be sweating buckets. The chance of death was very real. Bradley seemed resigned to his fate. Bethany had done her best to prepare him for what was to come.

He had accepted it whole heartedly.

_If I die Mistress Bethany, I will die a righteous man trying to do something good with my life!_

She found herself hoping that he did succeed; wardens with his zeal were few and far between.

They could always use someone who truly believed in the cause.

Serene seemed oblivious to what she was about to face. She had spent the last few days travelling in silence. The warden mage would have thought that she was coming to terms with what she would soon be facing if she had not seen the look on the bard's face.

She seemed…distant. Her steps were light, her eyes warm, with a hint of a smile on her lips as she stared at a point in front of her.

Serene was lost in the most honeyed of daydreams; she had eyes for only one thing…

One person.

Bethany shook her head.

"Serene?" Bethany said.

The elf did not seem to hear her.

Bethany cleared her throat loudly.

Serene?"

"Hm?" the elf replied still not really hearing her.

Bethany reached out and pinched the elf on the arm.

She jumped.

"Ow," Serene spat, "What was that for?"

Because you need to be more aware of your surroundings," she said flatly, "There are more things in this world than Justin's ass."

The tips of the elf's ears turned pink.

"It is a fine ass though," she said sheepishly.

"I had not noticed," Bethany said coolly.

If anything, her little trick seemed to work, Serene was paying attention again, trying not to stare too much at their fearless leader. Not that her ruby-colored eyes did not wander back to those swaying hips from time to time.

"I should not need to tell you what a bad idea it is to start a relationship with a commanding officer," Bethany said quietly.

"I did not think that fraternization with fellow wardens was forbidden?" the elf said, she sounded hurt.

"It isn't," Bethany admitted, "but…it is…discouraged. We live dangerous lives Serene. Sometimes wardens must be sacrificed to accomplish missions. Relationships among those within a single unit can lead to trouble."

Serene understood what she was saying, but she did not like it.

"Plus there is a chance that what you are feeling right now isn't real," Bethany stated.

The elf looked aghast.

"You do not know my heart," she grumbled.

Bethany felt a little sorry for her, for all her talents Serene was still just a young girl. If she was much over twenty summers Bethany would have been shocked.

The poor girl had a crush that was all it was, lust…not love.

She took a deep breath, and tried to make the girl understand.

"As a bard you understand what it means to manipulate someone's heart to get what you want yes?"

Serene nodded, many a time she had turned men's attraction towards her to her advantage, but that was different. She recognized that some of her marks had been handsome, but that was just art appreciation. Those men were not like…_sigh_… Justin, those men were not as strong or brave, those men had not saved her life from a darkspawn.

"Justin kept you safe during that fight on the road," the warden mage continued, "He took several bolts in the chest for you. Such bravery would be enough to impress any gi… woman."

Fortunately Serene did not seem to pick up on that little slip.

She had almost used the term girl, but did not, that might alienate the elf, and she did not want to do that.

She found herself thinking back to all those conversations she and Marian had had over the years. Not many had been about boys of course, but when they had been, her older sister had always tried to choose her words carefully.

The irony was not lost on Bethany.

_When had she turned into the big sister?_

"You may feel obligated to him for saving your life," Bethany continued, "It would be easy to think those feeling were genuine."

"But…but what if they are?" the bard asked.

The question surprised Bethany, to hear Serene speak, she was an expert in matters of the heart as well as combat.

"Would you not recognize them?" Bethany sounded puzzled, "You are a bard after all? In all those missions that your master sent you on, did you never fall in love at any of those times?"

The bard shifted uncomfortably.

"I…I may not be as…experienced as I act sometimes," she confessed, "Do not get me wrong, was well trained how to fire a man's passions, to inspire his interests, to make him want to do anything for my favor. Master Benoit made sure that I Iearned these lessons well."

The girl paused, wondering if she should continue.

Bethany waited patiently, the girl would either continue, or she would not.

She was blushing now, her elven ears twitched nervously.

"I'm…uh…I'm not as experienced as I let on sometimes," the bard confessed, "Those mission where I was sent to get close to a man. Well…I…I would drug him before things got too far along. In his food or drink, sometimes I would even use contact sedateeves, spill a little on a person's skin and he would fall asleep in minutes. Hees desires and dreams would make heem think that we had shared the night togethair."

Serene smiled shyly, she was blushing bright red now, her cheeks and ears were as red as her eyes. Plus, her accent always got worse when she was agitated.

She was agitated now.

Amusement sparkled in Bethany's eyes.

"Serene," she said dryly, "Are you telling me you have never…"

The elf nodded, taking deep breaths trying to calm herself, trying to will the color from her cheeks.

Bethany was shocked.

_Serene, their master of poison and seduction…_

…_was a __**virgin. **_

"Do not tell the othairs," she begged, "I…I would like to hold onto something of my bad reputation."

The warden mage chuckled, after all of Serene's talk about her knowledge of men…

Still, she would not tease her over this; she remembered very well the tortures Isabela back in Kirkwall had heaped on her when she discovered that Bethany had never been with a man.

She would not subject someone else to that.

Besides, it hurt nothing keeping the girl's secret. It might even help them become a better unit, maybe even friends.

_Provided she survived the joining of course._

"I won't say a word," Bethany promised, her lips quirked up slightly.

"Merci," the elf said with a relieved sigh.

The two women fell silent then, they walked saying nothing.

Serene it seemed could not stay silent for long though.

"You have known Justin a long time yes?" she asked.

"We grew up together if that what you mean," Bethany nodded.

"Was he…Were you?"

"Was I what?' Bethany asked.

"Were you two ever…togethair?"

Now it was Bethany's turn to blush.

"No…oh Maker no," she said quickly.

"Really," Serene's ears twitched, "Did you evair think…"

Bethany's eyes turned sad, any amusement she had felt earlier faded.

_Justin._

"Justin was the first boy I knew that I was not related to," she informed the elf, "He trained with my Father, and was my twin brother's best friend. I…I grew fond of him back then. When he left…when he went off to sea and did not tell us…"

She paused; she still remembered the night Carver told them that he had learned that Justin had died. She remembered the tears, the feeling that someone had torn out her heart. They had only lost Father a few weeks earlier, and now Justin…

It had been her first broken heart…

Though not her last.

'Have you thought about picking up where you left off," Serene asked, "You are here, he is here?"

Bethany frowned; she felt that cold bitterness rise up in her breast again. The indifferent mask fell over her features.

She had nothing to offer Justin now. The taint had seen to that.

She was dead; her body just had not accepted it yet.

"That ship sailed long ago elf," she said flatly, "I am still fond of Justin, though if you tell him I said that I will deny it, He is still my brothers best friend, and I…I'm grateful for that. We…are fellow wardens now, we may even become friends again, but that is all we will ever be."

"Oh," Serene responded.

Bethany did not miss the happy light that shone for a moment in the girl's eyes.

The warden mage rolled her eyes.

_Maker give her strength!_

**The girl had not even been listening!**

She focused on the road ahead; the inn was just up the road. All she wanted now was a hot meal and a warm bath.

She knew that she needed to enjoy such pleasures while she could.

Tomorrow the joining would take place, then they would see Justin's true quality, putting recruits through the joining was one of the hardest duties a commander had to perform.

_What if Bradley refused to drink? What if Serene refused to drink?_

_Could Justin do what was necessary?_

The warden mage's fingers drifted to the dagger at her belt.

Only once had she had to end the life of a recruit for refusing to take the joining.

She looked at Serene with sad eyes.

Whatever happened, she would do her duty.

A warden did what she must.


	13. What is Necessary

**Chapter 13: What is Necessary**

_The Ogre's Fall_ was busy this time of day.

It was the only tavern in in the village of Harper's Ford, the one place that the people of the village could gossip, drink, and get the occasional hot meal. It was also a place that had seen a lot of history in its time. The Queen Elissa Cousland met with the northern Banns here, after her victory in Highever, after she had reclaimed her Teynir, and beheaded Tomas Howe. It was here that she and her warriors met, it was here that they had decided to ally themselves with King Alistair and the Warden Commander Solona Amell, in that moment Ferelden was reunited as the Blight was brought to a close.

It was here that the lost garrison had decided to stay, to await the arrival of their Ferelden brothers.

_They would wait, and that evening, the joining of Serene and Ser Bradley would take place._

Justin had sent word to Amaranthine, they still had to be careful of course, Delance's men still watched the roads, with luck Commander Solona's people would arrive undetected.

The warden commander was uneasy, he…he still had bad memories of his own joining. After he had survived, he had promised himself that he would never put another soul through such an ordeal.

_Time, and the duties of command, had made a liar out of him._

The young commander sighed heavily; he tried not to think of the faces of his fellow recruits that day, the ones who never left that chapel in Cumberland alive.

There had been five recruits during his joining, and only two had walked out, him and one other. He feared for the survival of Serene and Bradley both had proven themselves to be very useful. He hated to lose their skills, but the joining sadly did not take that into account.

_The recruits would either survive, or they would not._

Bradley had retreated to his room to pray, and to ask for the Maker's protection in the coming hours. Serene spent her time cleaning her weapons. She wanted them to be ready when they left this place, and proceeded with the next phase of their mission.

Justin found himself watching the elf, she…she had been very kind to him when he had been injured. She had helped nurse him back to health. At first, he assumed that she was simply trying to gain his favor, but even after she realized that trying to butter him up would not work, she still had stayed.

Perhaps there was more to the elf then met the eye. Perhaps underneath all that false flirting, and cool competence, there was actually a warm caring young woman.

Justin did not like to think himself a fool. He did not think the bard was trying to manipulate him. Only her strength and her courage could save her now.

Not that he minded the beauty part, he thought with a slight smile that was just icing on the cake.

She noticed that he had been watching her; she looked up and smiled shyly. He blushed and turned away.

Maker what was wrong with him, he had been with women in Llomerryn after all, none as beautiful as Serene of course, but that was neither here nor there.

He felt like a bastard, forcing the joining on her, but it was not his call now. She was a conscript; her place was now in the Grey Wardens. Stroud had not saved her life for charities sake after all. The senior warden had felt that she had it in her to survive. He had to trust in her to do the same.

He had no choice. He could not let her go; Bethany and Colo would not stand for that.

What he felt did not matter now; she would go through the joining.

_Whether he liked it or not, he supposed it did not matter, after all, in a few hours she may very well be dead._

He…he did not want to think about her dying, about her falling dead choking to death on darkspawn blood.

He wondered what he would do if that happened? The elf was skilled make no mistake, she would be missed, but also…he would miss her presence, not to see her smiling face in camp, or to hear her sweet voice raised in song as they travelled.

That was the trap of command he supposed, he was destined to send his people to their deaths, either in battle…or in the joining.

Bethany came down the stairs; she had spent most of the night on watch. Even though they were in civilization, it was still possible that Delance might try something here, not that the mage was helpless of course.

Justin frowned.

He hated seeing her like this. Any innocence that Bethany Hawke had possessed had burned away years ago. The wardens had turned her into a deadly weapon sure…

But at what cost to the woman herself.

She joined Colo and Merrill for an early dinner, the Dalish seemed happy to have her company. Colo had also taken a shine to her; the two had spent many a night in camp playing chess into the wee hours of the morning, when they had not been on watch of course.

_Stroud had been right he realized; Bethany was a __**fantastic **__warden._

Both Merrill and Colo respected Bethany, the recruits followed her orders without question, even Wren listened when she spoke, a surprise given his friend's feeling about authority.

_This made what he had to say to her even easier._

He pushed all thoughts of Serene out of his mind and focused on what he needed to do.

He hoped that Bethany would be pleased.

IOI

This is sooo exciting," Merrill cooed, "I'm honored that you want to include me in this joining ritual Bethany."

The warden mage gave the Dalish a sad look; she might not feel the same in a few hours, not if things did not go well.

Bethany steeled herself, hardened her heart.

She would do what needed to be done.

"Betts," Justin said coming over to join them, "May we speak?"

She barely even looked at him.

"Of course Commander," she responded, "What do you need of me?"

"I wanted to discuss your future within the garrison."

She gave him a wary look.

"My future is to kill darkspawn," she said dryly, "As is any Grey Wardens."

"True enough," he nodded, "But there is more to being a warden than that."

"Really," she said with a cruel smirk, "You could have fooled me."

Justin's mouth fell open, for a moment…just a moment Bethany had sounded like her brother Carver.

That was **not** a compliment,

Merrill giggled.

Colo chuckled; the large Antivan shook his head.

Commander Torrik would have called her insolent; Justin simply realized that she was just being herself.

Another reason to miss the old Bethany.

Regardless, he pushed forward; he would not let her distract him.

"I'm promoting you to Lieutenant Commander Betts," he said with a acidic smile, "Don't be an ass."

The warden mage's eyes widened.

"Ooh!" Merrill squealed, "That is wonderful Lethallan, congratulations!"

"It is well earned _Bella,_" Colo added.

Bethany did not seem to think this a reward.

"I…I'm flattered Justin, but surely Colo would be a much better choice," Bethany said, "He has been with the garrison longer than I."

"And you have been a warden longer than I," the Antivan responded, "You have embraced our teachings completely. I can think of no one better to take this post."

"You led well when I was injured Betts," he reminded her, "You got us through the Blightlands no problem. Such skill should be rewarded. You are a perfect candidate for the lieutenant's spot. All in favor say aye?"

"Aye," Merrill said excitedly, this was so much fun!

"Aye," Colo said smirking.

"Nay," Bethany said coldly.

"Two to one, the ayes have it," Justin said smiling, "It seems that you have been out voted Betts. Best just take the job and be happy about it."

Bethany frowned. She could see no way out of this promotion, rank had never mattered to her, her job was to kill so she killed.

That was that.

Many times Stroud and the warden commander had tried to promote her, She had refused those promotions. She preferred to be on the front lines.

It was easier that way, an officer rarely found their death in the thickest fighting, and that is what she had sought for so long.

If she could die defending the new wardens so be it, she considered that a good death. She had no desire to command herself.

Now…it seemed that she had no choice.

She would not be able to duck this promotion.

She sighed heavily, and nodded.

Lieutenant Commander Bethany of the Lost it would be.

"Yay Bethany," Merrill squealed.

The newly minted lieutenant rolled her eyes.

"Since you have trusted me with this burden," She began, "I find it necessary to bring up a uncomfortable point Commander, would you care to discuss this in private?"

"No secrets here Betts," he reminded her, "We're all in the same boat after all."

Bethany nodded, so be it, it was his funeral.

"We need to discuss the joining," she said flatly, "We need to know if you are prepared to do what is necessary."

"The joining is taking place Betts. Have no fear on that score."

The mage frowned.

"That is not what I'm asking," she drew her dagger from her belt, she sat in front of Justin.

He looked at the blade like it was a poisonous serpent.

"I am asking are **you **prepared to do what is necessary," she repeated, "If one of the recruits refuses to drink are you prepared to …"

She tapped the dagger with her finger.

Justin paled.

"It will not come to that," he said.

"Are you certain?"

"I said it won't come to that Betts," he snarled.

She gave him a sad look.

"Justin, I…I know you like I knew my own brother. I know how you act around people. I know how you behave when you…like someone…when you lo…," Bethany did not finish the sentence, she did not need to.

She moved on, despite the pain.

"I…I know you have been watching Serene," she glanced sympathetically over at the elf, "If she tries to back out of her duty, are you prepared to…"

"I said that won't happen, Betts," he growled.

Merrill looked nervously, what had been a celebration of Bethany's promotion had turned ugly.

"Colo talk sense into her," Justin spat.

The Antivan crossed his large arms; he did not like taking sides but…

"She is right Commander," he said, "I mean no disrespect, but the Lieutenant is right to be concerned. You are new to the order, this part of command…it can be difficult."

Justin looked at his fellow warden like he had been stabbed in the back.

"Whose side are you on?" he asked.

"I'm on our side," the Antivan reminded him, "Our ways are hard Justin, but they are necessary."

Justin grumbled, the beast within clawed impotently.

He recognized the truth of their words.

He did not like it, but he realized the truth.

Bethany gave him a sympathetic look.

"If you can't do this yourself, I understand," she said, "If you wish to remain here, Colo and I will handle the joining, none of us will think less of you."

Justin's temper flared.

"You almost act like you want this to go bad."

"I don't," she insisted.

"Why are you so eager to do this?" he whispered angrily, "Do you hate our order so much that you would not mind killing a recruit? Would you enjoy it?!"

Bethany's eyes narrowed in fury. Her eyes flared with magic, they turned the color of fresh blood!

_That…had been a mistake._

_Justin had just made a very big mistake._

Her voice became silky and dangerous, Justin had over stepped his bounds with her.

"I do not desire this," she answered, her voice a lethal purr, "But I _**will**_ do my duty, do not doubt that. The first man I ever loved thought that I would not; Darren believed that I would choose my feelings over my vows. That I would let him back out of the joining at the last minute. He thought that he could use me."

Bethany's face became a cruel empty mask.

"Darren… was wrong."

It took them a moment, but they all realized what had happened, what Bethany had had to do.

Justin's eyes widened.

Merrill gasped; her eyes and mouth went round with shock.

Colo put a comforting hand on Bethany's shoulder, he understood better than the others.

The mage ignored it, she did not want their pity, she did not want anyone's pity.

She wanted Justin's understanding. She wanted to spare him from knowing her pain.

She tapped the dagger lightly with one finger.

"I killed the first man I ever loved with this dagger Justin," she whispered her eyes bright with unshed tears, "If you care at all for the elf, I would spare you that pain…my pain, but don't ever…_**EVER…**_think that I enjoy this. "

Justin was speechless, how…how could he respond to that?

_**How could anyone respond to that?!**_

Bethany seemed to deflate; she looked tired, tired and miserable.

"I don't want you to become like me, any of you," she said her voice cracking with pain.

"It is not too late; you don't have to become a monster. You…you do not have…you do not have to become like me."

Bethany wiped at her face defiantly, she would not cry…_**she would not!**_

Justin felt…he felt like a complete and utter fool. He…he had not understood until now, why she acted the way she did, why she kept everyone away from her.

Now…now he understood, or at least, he was beginning to understand.

He touched her hand.

"I will do what is necessary," he promised her, "And you are not a monster Betts, you are a Grey Warden. We do things that others can't or won't because we are strong enough to endure them. That does not make you a monster; it makes you one of us."

"You are one of us," Merrill repeated, "We won't abandon you."

"Our little sister is right," Colo agreed, he gave Bethany's shoulder a reassuring squeeze, We are together in this _Bella_."

She gave them a wan smile; her anger was gone, only infinite sadness remained.

"Very well," she said, "Do not say I did not offer to take this burden from you…should things go bad."

"They won't go bad," Justin tried to reassure her.

The mage shrugged.

"We will see," she whispered.

IOI

That night at sundown, word was sent to the Ogre's Fall.

_The Ferelden Wardens had arrived._

Justin, Bethany, and Merrill led Serene and Ser Bradley out of the inn towards an old warehouse near the docks.

It was here that the joining would take place.

It was here that their lives would be decided.


	14. The Joining

**Chapter 14: The Joining**

Serene was terrified.

Justin and Bethany led them towards the old warehouse, where the joining was set to take place.

The bard trying to be strong, but all of Bethany's warning kept coming back to her. The joining was an ordeal, and it could take her life as easily as any darkspawn she faced in battle.

More and more, she started regretting her choice to follow Stroud. He had saved her neck from the noose sure, but…

Now she faced a different kind of death.

The only one who understood what she was going through was Ser Bradley. Yet, he remained stoic in the face of death. He had wanted to die since the moment they had met. He had therefore already made his peace with it.

Serene had not!

_She did not want to __**die!**_

So she babbled on nervously, trying to keep herself calm, Bradley followed close behind her. He whispered prayers to the Maker asking for the strength to make it through this.

Serene wished she shared his faith. Her first memories of childhood had been of growing up poor and starving in the Alienage back in Val Royeaux. Her Father had taken ill, and could no longer work. Mother did what she could, but their five children seemed doomed to suffer.

The day that Master Benoit had heard her singing in the marketplace had been the luckiest of her life.

It got her out of the Alienage, out of the squalor. She had to leave her family sure, but…

At least now, they had one less mouth to feed.

She had only been six years old then, yet she left her old life without fear.

Her master had called her his peaceful one, his little Serene.

The name stuck.

She tried to remember that little girl now, she tried to be brave.

_Stroud would not have chosen her if he did not think that she had a chance to survive._

Her heart still beat faster when they finally arrived at the warehouse. Normally, they would have used a chantry to perform the ceremony, but with the problems with the Exaltednists they decided not to take the chance.

Bethany rapped loudly on the door with her staff.

The door opened.

Serene took one final deep breath.

It was time.

IOI

Justin looked down on a dwarven woman with a heavily tattooed face, and a suit of heavy plate.

She gave him a warm welcoming smile.

"Good evening," She said in a cheery voice.

"I'm Justin, Commander of the Grey of the Lost Garrison, this is my Lieutenant Bethany."

"Sigrun," the dwarf said nodding, "Warden Lieutenant of Ferelden, We received word that you needed supplies for a joining ritual?"

Justin nodded, "We have two new recruits here."

Sigrun smiled at Bradley and Serene.

"Wonderful," she said, "Fresh meat for the grinder, eh?"

Neither the Templar not the elf responded. Though Serene did look a little green.

Justin felt a pang of sympathy for the bard, the next few minutes would likely be some of the hardest of her life.

Sadly there was nothing he could do for her now.

All she could do was go through the joining.

And hope for the best.

Both Merrill and Sigrun seemed oblivious to what was to come. Bethany gave the recruits her most reassuring look. They had to be brave, and trust in their abilities and strengths.

_In the end, that was all that would save them._

"Well," Sigrun said clasping her hands, "No time like the present, follow me and we will get started."

The dwarf led them to the office at the back of the old warehouse. The room had been emptied out, only a table remained. The only light came from two candles set on the tables edges, between them sat the joining chalice.

A young warden mage looked up as they entered; he had brown hair and nervous eyes.

Sigrun nodded in greeting.

"This is Florian," she informed them.

"Finn," he corrected her, "I prefer to be called Finn."

"Finn has finished the binding magics," she informed Justin, "All that is required now is the two vials for the recruits."

Justin produced both. He sat them next to the Joining chalice.

Sigrun stood by the door. It was her job to make sure that none of the recruits refused to drink.

If they did, she would act accordingly.

Bethany gave Justin a concerned look; she still did not think that he could do this. It was hard, he did not deny that, but he knew his place and his duty as Commander.

What needed to be done; would be done?

He stepped up before the recruits, it was now time.

"And so at last," he said with great reverence, "We come to the joining. Know this recruits, the Grey Wardens were formed during the first Blight, when the Archdemon Dumat had pushed our world to the brink of annihilation. So, it was…"

Justin paused…this would be the point that he would truly see these recruits quality.

"So it was that the first Grey Wardens drank the blood of the darkspawn, and mastered the taint within.

IOI

Bethany watched the color drain from Serene's face.

It was something she had seen many times in the last seven years, that moment when a recruit or conscript realized exactly what they had gotten themselves into.

She had never had to worry about it herself, she had barely any memory of her joining, all she remembered was Stroud pouring the foul substances down her throat.

In a way, she and Merrill had much in common in that way both had had no choice in joining the order.

It was either join, or die.

She suspected that Serene had thought that she would be able to escape and return to her life in Orlais once she had what she wanted from them. It did not work that way, the joining bound you to the order, the taint was a chain that was stronger than any metal in Thedas. You could never escape your brothers and sisters, Anders had learned that the hard way. That business in the Vimmark Mountains had likely accelerated his descent into madness.

Bradley's expression was grim, yet he seemed unafraid, he likely saw this as just another step in finding his way back to righteousness.

Justin turned to her.

"WE say only a few words before the joining, but they have been said since the first. Betts, if you would be so kind?"

She nodded, it wasn't the first time she had said these words over recruits.

She bowed her head respectfully, the others followed. Bethany glanced up at Serene; she could see the scared animal look in the girl's eyes.

I'm sorry, she thought, but there is no turning back now.

Bethany spoke the words.

"Join us brothers and sisters, join us in the shadows where we stand vigilant, join us as we carry the duty that cannot be foresworn, and should you perish, know that your sacrifice will not be forgotten…"

Her eyes found the two recruits, they were sad and solemn.

"And that one day…we…shall join you," she finished.

Justin added the first vial of darkspawn blood to the chalice; he held it up before him.

"Bradley step forward," he ordered.

The young Templar obeyed without question.

He took the chalice from Justin's hands.

"From this moment forth Bradley Reinhart," Bethany said reverently, "You…are a Grey Warden."

"So let it be," the young man said quietly.

He put the cup to his lips, and drank deep of the contents.

He handed it back to Justin.

It was then…that it began.

Bradley began to convulse, he struggled to remain standing, but it was a losing battle, any warden knew that.

The former Templar fell to his knees, gasping for breath, his milky white eyes staring at nothing.

He fell to the ground with a clatter of armor.

Serene looked like she was going to be sick.

Merrill watched with morbid curiosity, this was her first joining after all.

The mage Finn approached him; he held a small mirror before the boy's mouth.

He pulled it back, finding the glass had fogged up.

Finn smiled.

"He will live commander," the mage informed him.

Bethany let out a breath that she had not realized that she was holding.

One down, one to go, she thought.

Bradley groaned weakly, surprisingly, he was already waking up.

"He looked around at his new brothers and sisters, sputtering at the foul taste still in his mouth.

"Damn," he said quietly, "That…that was like nothing you could have described."

Bethany nodded, it this, the Templar was right.

Justin refilled the chalice.

He turned to face the bard.

"Step forward Serene," he said offering her the cup.

The elf's eyes were wide with fear.

Bethany knew what was coming.

She readied her dagger.

IOI

Serene looked around the room, looking for somewhere to escape to.

She saw nothing.

"Serene," Justin repeated, "Step forward."

She backed away from him.

"Non," she spat, "Non…I…I want no part of zis!"

Bradley gave her a nervous look; he glanced over at Bethany and Sigrun. Both the dwarf and the mage had drawn their daggers.

Serene had noticed it to.

"There is no turning back," Bethany said coldly.

"How can you expect me to do zis?" the elf demanded; "How can you expect me to poison myself…and for what?"

"For the good of all of Thedas," Sigrun answered, the dwarf was no longer smiling, she understood the grim realities that they had to face.

Serene looked at Justin, her eyes pleaded for help.

He looked away.

"You made an agreement Serene," he reminded her, "Your life for service, you must live up to that!"

"You have to drink," Bethany informed, "You will leave here a Grey Warden, or not at all."

Serene's ruby-eyes widened.

"You…you would keel me! Over zis?"

"If I must," Bethany informed her.

Her eyes went back to Justin.

"Commandair please," she begged, "Don't let her…"

"You must drink," he repeated, "Please Serene."

"He is right elf," Bradley groaned, he was a bit unsteady on his feet, but he would clearly recover.

"You have an obligation," the new warden said, "Don't make the Commanders do something they will regret."

Serene's lower lip quivered, she…she did not want to do this!

Sigrun was behind her, the dwarf was ready to stick her blade into the elf's back on Justin's order.

One nod from the commander, and it would all be over.

Serene whimpered; she looked at the chalice.

Possible death by that blood or death at the hands of her fellows…

There was no way to win, she was trapped.

"Serene," Bethany said, her eyes were cold, her blade drawn.

"GET BACK!" the elf spat.

Everyone paused.

She held out her hands.

"Give me the cup," she said angrily, "I'll drink."

Justin relaxed slightly, and held it out to her.

She took it in her tiny hands, she looked defeated, broken.

She looked at Bradley.

"Does it hurt?" she asked him.

"Yes," he coughed, "But you will find your way through, I believe in you. We believe in you."

She looked at the others. No one here wanted her to die.

She looked down into the dark contents of the chalice.

She winced.

There would be no coming back from this, even if she survived…

She would be forever changed.

She took deep breath, gathering her courage.

She gave Justin a sad smile.

"Good bye Justin," she said.

She drank the cup dry.

At first she felt nothing, she felt a little dizzy but…

_**AGONY!**_

Serene staggered, she gripped her head, whimpering in pain, it felt…oh Maker…It felt like she was be cooked from the inside out!

The world vanished; there was just shadow and flames.

The air filled with the stench of death and decay. Before her a massive dragon stood on a peak.

Its pale baleful eyes glared down at her…into her.

Serene screamed.

The world fell away; the shadows consumed her, dark tainted fingers clawed at her body.

She tried to fight, but it was no use.

She fell hard to the floor of the warehouse.

The world turned black…and faded away.

Serene faded with it.

IOI

Justin stared in horror.

The elf fell hard to the ground hitting her head.

The room was completely silent.

Finn stepped forward.

She looks so still, Justin thought, too still to just be unconscious.

He felt his heart lurch painfully.

Finn pressed his mirror to her lips, checking for breath.

Bethany stood beside Justin; she put a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry," she whispered to him.

Finn frowned. He looked at the two commanders.

"It is over," he said, she is…"

The elf's eyes sprang open.

**She shrieked like a maddened banshee!**

Finn staggered back, barely escaping the dagger the elf had drawn from her boot.

She flung the blade nearly hitting him in the eye.

The elf backed up against the wall.

She was shrieking in Orlesian.

Despite the situation, Justin could not help but feel relief.

Serene had done it.

**She had survived!**


	15. Comfort

**A/N: A little mature here, nothing too graphic though. Consider yourselves warned.**

**Chapter 15: Comfort**

"Do you need anything else Miss?" the Bartender asked, "I'm about to close down for the night."

Bethany gave the man a sullen look, she had only just sat down, but…she needed something, anything…

Something that would help her forget.

"Do you have any…Aggreggio?" she asked.

"Tevinter wine, well yes, it is expensive though, five silvers a glass.

Bethany placed a sovereign on the table. The man's eyes widened, he quickly scooped up the coin before the young lady changed her mind. He hurried to the back, emerging with the Aggreggio.

He sat it down next to her.

She gave it a cool look.

"Leave the bottle, please," she said.

"Yes warden," he replied going to finish up his work.

Bethany sighed; she shook her head, trying to clear the images from her mind. Trying to fight back the tears unshed by a little girl almost ten years ago, it did not work of course, well the wine would do the trick, she was sure of it.

She…hoped.

She poured herself a glass and downed it with one gulp. The harsh liquor burned down her throat.

It helped…but not much.

She poured herself another.

_This might…take some time._

IOI

Two hours ago she had been pleased, the joining was over, and Bradley and Serene had both survived. The group was heading back to the tavern for rest and food.

Bradley did not look so good, he was walking sure, but it was unsteady. She and Merrill had to help him, he was pale and sweating, he would definitely need to rest so that the joining could finish its work.

Serene had it worse.

The little elf was burning with fever, Both Bethany and Finn had used magic to bring it down, but it rose quickly again.

_The bard had not taken to the taint very well, not that anyone truly did._

After her initial awakening, she had collapsed, unable to walk. Justin had been forced to carry her back, she moaned weakly in his arms. The commander seemed…distracted, he was even blushing, a little.

Bethany had rolled her eyes_, Maker…he was worse than Carver had been around a girl he liked._

Justin had hoped to find Wren when they returned, but the healer was not there. He had sent him after supplies this afternoon and he had not returned yet.

Finn had offered to help them see Serene through the worst of her joining, but Bethany had waved him off, her healing magic should be more than adequate to help the sick bard.

They carried her up to her room and put her to bed.

Bethany checked her with a frown, she truly was burning with fever, healing magic was helping, but they needed to cool her down.

Bethany kicked the others out of the room, only Merrill stayed behind.

They undressed Serene, hoping that would help cool her off, and placed a cold cloth on her head.

Once that was done, the others were allowed back in.

Justin looked down at the elf; his eyes were dark with worry and guilt.

Bethany had informed him that she would be fine; she survived the initial joining, as long as the nightmares did not drive her to do something foolish, she would recover.

Not that Justin understood that, she realized that this was the problem with wardens less than a year after their own joining. They still took it personally when one of their own died.

He blamed himself for putting her through it in the first place, Bethany realized, not that he had much choice, she was a conscript, and she was needed.

_That should have been all that mattered._

Serene's struggled ceased a short time later, she slipped into a deep sleep, her brow furrowed as the taint changed her, the first of the dreams taking hold, but beyond that…she seemed that she would be fine.

They were all exhausted, stressed, and irritable, all of them likely needed to find some comfort, or space.

The group had broken up after that.

Colo had taken Bradley back to his room, the former Templar would need sleep as well, by morning the changes would be complete. The large Antivan had agreed to watch over the boy. Merrill would stay with Serene to make sure that she needed nothing.

Justin looked tired, but wanted to stay with the elf as well.

Bethany had frowned, she had hoped to speak to the Commander alone, the Ferelden Wardens had provided them with targets of opportunity against Delance's forces already here in Ferelden.

_They still had work to do._

Still, Justin would not be dissuaded. He would remain.

Bethany went downstairs with the Ferelden Wardens' notes.

Someone had to get something done.

She read the reports of unusual Templar troop movements, it was clear that these were more than simply the local Knight-Commander shifting around his forces. Templars were moving in places that they should not have been, setting up checkpoints on roads that should not have been needed.

They claimed to be hunting apostates, but if they were, they were certainly brining a lot more force to then they had in the past.

Eventually, Bethany's thoughts turned to Justin, her childhood friend, and…perhaps her first crush.

_There, she had admitted it, when she was younger she had had feelings for Justin Oslin. The more she thought about it, she realized that she had been uncharitable to him, he…he had done nothing wrong really; he had gone to sea to make something of himself. It would have been nice if he had sent word that he was alive, but not many people were proud to admit that they had turned to raiding, or privateering as Justin had called it._

She hated to admit it, but she was starting to feel…lonely. She wanted someone to talk to.

Justin had always been open to her in the past, someone she could trust, someone she liked.

She had been unfair to him, she realized, she wanted to apologize.

She put her work aside and went up to check on the others.

She checked on Bradley first.

Colo nodded when she entered, the new warden groaned softly in his bed, sweat beaded his brow. He was nowhere near as bad as Serene had been, but he was still suffering.

A quick healing spell brought that down and eased his sleep.

She smiled softly, it was not often that she could help; typically she used her powers only to destroy.

She was surprised to see Merrill there as well, asleep in one of the chairs. According to Colo, Serene had regained consciousness a little while ago. She was greatly improved from when they had brought her back from the joining. She had been talking, and asked to speak with the Commander alone.

The commander had agreed to hear her.

Justin had dismissed the Dalish, promising to sit up with Serene for the rest of the night. Merrill had left right after the Commander had given the bard her warden oath, the pendant that all wardens received after a successful joining.

Bethany smiled slightly, trust Justin to Mother hen one of his recruits.

She decided to see if he needed anything, maybe sit with him, in case he grew tired of watching the sleeping bard.

She just about to enter when…

She heard it.

_**Ughhhh! **_

_**I…I…OHHHH! **_

_**EHHHHH!**_

Bethany stopped.

She paused right outside the door. She was surprised to hear the sound of moaning coming from inside.

_Strange, Merrill had said Serene had recovered?_

The door was unlocked, the room was dark, Justin had no doubt blown out the lights so the elf could get some sleep.

She had to be quiet, she did not wish to startle Serene, she knew from experience just how bad the nightmares could be.

_So, she opened the door…quietly, and carefully._

Bethany poked her head inside the room.

It **was** dark; the lanterns were doused; only the light of the moon illuminated the little room. The elf was thrashing in her bed, moaning softly.

Bethany's eyes narrowed.

"**Nevair,"** she heard Serene moan, _"I…I have nevair…ooooh!"_

_The elf was talking in her sleep, but where was Justin? He was supposed to be watching her? Had he slipped past her in the hall when she was in with Bradley?_

She did not see him… at first; the chair next to the bed was empty, a pile of armor, clothes and weapons next to it.

Two piles actually….

_Now where had those…?_

"_Do you like that?" _

She was surprised to hear a male voice, Justin's voice, it sounded husky, like he was panting,

"_Does __**that**__… feel good?"_

"_Oui,_" she heard Serene murmur, _"Oui and yes, that…that…feels sooo good!"_

Bethany nearly gasped.

That is when she realized…

If she was looking for Justin…

_Then she was not looking in the right __**place!**_

Justin had not left after all.

At that moment, Serene must have kicked at the sheets, causing them to slide back.

The covers were pushed back just enough.

She could not see the elf, only her hands and arms, that and a man's broad shoulders, and his bare well-muscled back. Long elven fingers traced red lazy lines on his skin, rising up to play with the short curly brown hair on the man's head.

Bethany's eyes widened in shock!

It seemed… that she had found the Commander.

**That…**_**that son of a bitch!**_

Justin was in bed with Serene, he moaned as he moved…as he writhed on top of her, Bethany could see enough to know what was happening.

The two were so lost in their desire; they did not even notice her.

"_Serene, " _Justin panted_, "Ohhhh….Sweet Maker…Sereeeene!"_

"_Justeen,"_ the elf gasped, _"Ohhhh! Justeen! More! I want! I…I want…I…oooh…__**OH YESSSS!"**_

Justin groaned loudly.

Mortified, Bethany retreated back into the hallway. She quietly closed the door behind her, so not to alert the two lovers of her presence. She could still hear them, murmuring softly to each other.

Her face burned with shame, her heart pounded.

Emotions surged through her, embarrassment, anger, and surprising…jealousy!

**How dare the elf…**

She retreated downstairs in a fury.

_So much for her apologizing to Justin._

_**She…she needed a drink!**_

IOI

Bethany sat at the table, trying to make sense of the emotional mess now going on in her head.

She had known for a while now that Justin liked the elf.

She had also known that Serene had liked him, she had tried to warn them both about the problems of such a…attraction, but apparently they had not listened.

She was scowling deeply now.

She was angry because neither of them had listened.

Justin had commanded people before…he…he should have known better!

_But…why…why was she jealous?!_

She had had feelings for Justin once, she recognized that fact. She had cried herself to sleep the night she heard that he had died.

He had tried to speak with her back in Ansburg, but she had not listened, had not wanted to listen.

Tonight…she had finally been ready to try again.

_**Justeen! More! I want! **_

She had…she had finally been ready to let go of her anger, to try and start again with him, to see if there was anything left of the Bethany he had known all those years ago.

Well, he had made his choice, hadn't he? She was no doubt sleeping in his arms, right now.

_**Ohhhh….Sweet Maker…Sereeeene!**_

The blade in her heart twisted deeper.

_So much for finding comfort tonight!_

She downed her third glass of aggreggio, still she did not feel even a glimmer of intoxication…

She hated that.

"As you grow older Bethany," Stroud had told her once, "The taint will consume everything faster, air, food, and drink."

It seemed that the taint had yet another cruel joke to play on her.

_She could no longer get drunk, and if she could, the level of alcohol might just kill her._

Once again, she thanked Marian for sending her into this wonderful life she now led!

Thank you Sis! Thank you so bloody much!

IOI

"Aggreggio, strong stuff."

She turned to glare at Wren, he was just entering, carrying several large bags with him, the supplies for the rest of their journey.

Her scowl darkened, _where was he when they had needed him?_

"Where in the name of the void have you been?" she growled.

"Doing my job," he reminded her, he stashed his packages near the door, "At Justin's orders, I might add."

She snorted loudly.

_She did not want to think about Justin 'Bloody' Oslin right now!_

She downed her fourth glass.

"You should go easy on that stuff," Wren warned, "It is not as bad as those sleeping draughts you take, but it is still bad.

She gave him an acidic smile.

I have strong constitution," she informed him, "It is ironic really, the first time I tasted this stuff was with my friend Fenris. I nearly vomited after a single sip, now…now it barely calms my nerves. Ridiculous."

She saw the look on his face, she did not like it.

"Don't get any ideas, serah," she said predatorily, "I hurt people that try to take advantage of me."

Wren gave her a puzzled look.

"Did I say something wrong?" he asked.

Bethany realized that she had been jumping to conclusions, seeing Serene and Justin…

It had rattled her.

_Why couldn't they have just locked the damn door?!_

"Are you all right?" he asked her.

"No," she said, "I…I am sorry, I'm so used to dealing with rough people, people who want something from me, if it's not magic, its fighting, if it's not fighting it is…is…well you know."

Wren grinned.

"Don't worry," he chuckled, "I would rather you not kick my ass tonight."

Bethany laughed, her first real laugh in days.

She invited him to join her.

He sighed as he sat down.

"Did the joining go well?"

She nodded.

"Bradley is still alive then?" he could not hide his disgust.

She nodded.

"Serene?"

"She is fine," Bethany spat, "Justin too, just go up and ask them, I suggest you knock first."

It took Wren a minute to digest that.

_What does she…oh…__**OH!**_

_**Stupid Captain, extremely stupid!**_

He gave her a chagrined look.

"It is like that, is it?"

She nodded, wiping at her eyes, she refused to let the angry tears flow.

"Figures," he said shaking his head.

"What?" she asked.

Wren sighed heavily.

"I love Justin like a brother, but he has three things that define him above all others. First, was his ability to find profit for his men on the high seas. The second, well, that goes with the first actually, trouble follows him like a shadow."

Bethany nodded, she knew about the shadow thing from their days in Lothering.

Wren's eyes turned cold.

"The third thing, is his uncanny knack from doing or saying something that hurts a woman. I've seen it dozens of times. He does something, and then afterwards blasts himself for it, what he likes to call his 'Nice one Oslin,' moments."

Bethany snorted, she was not very surprised by that either.

_Justin hurt people, no big surprise there, he had hurt her after all, running off like he had._

Wren turned serious, he knew he was likely walking on thin ice here, but…part of him…truly wished to know."

"Do you still care for him?" he asked her.

Her mouth became a rigid line.

_That…was a very good question._

She sighed heavily.

"I think," she begin, "I believe that I care for what we might have had. What we could have had. Before he left Lothering, I…I had a crush on him, my first truth be told," she sighed taking another drink of the aggreggio, sadly it did not help.

"I was a fool to believe that he would wait, that he would want…want someone like me."

Wren smiled wanly.

"The captain has always had a thing for women that want his protection. He likes strong women sure, but…he likes to feel like a hero, a knight defending a girl's honor."

Bethany frowned, she had stopped being like that a long time ago.

_It also made sense, he had saved Serene's life in the Blightlands, now seeing her weak and vulnerable from the joining. It…it must have been impossible for him to resist._

_She was still angry, but at least she understood that anger now._

She shook her head, she was such an idiot.

"I hear that congratulations are in order," he said changing the subject, "You have been promoted to lieutenant commander."

Bethany nodded.

"You deserve it," he said placing his hand atop hers, "If anyone can see us safely through this…I believe it is you."

She looked down at his hand.

He removed it before she blew it off with her force magic.

She smiled.

"You believe that I can do this?" she asked.

"If the Captain can't, then I have no doubt that you will," he said warmly, "You are far stronger than he described you."

She gave him a grim look, she did not entirely like what she had become.

_She could not believe that anyone else did._

"I'm colder too," she reminded him, "I've lost everything that he believed was the best in me."

Wren snorted.

"Bullshit," he replied, "You simply do not need anyone to protect you anymore. You know your limits, and continue to push them. You are stronger than Justin, stronger than Serene, that…that is the reason we will get through this…strength."

She sat back, considering his words, Wren…Birdie…had not lied to her, he respected her for what she was, he did not lament what she had been. Unlike Justin, he did not see her as some fragile figurine. She was cold, dangerous, and powerful.

That…did not seem to bother him.

She…she needed that.

She smiled softly.

"Do you find me attractive Birdie?"

The question surprised him, but he liked where this was going.

"That depends."

"On what?" she inquired

"If you are going to kick my ass if I say, yes," He answered.

"Don't worry," she said gamely, "Your ass is safe."

He smiled.

"Then…yes, I do find you attractive Lieutenant Commander."

Her smile widened, becoming more hungry.

She gave him a sly look.

"Would…Would you like to go to bed with me?" she asked shyly.

Now… it was his turn to smile wolfishly.

"Now that, is a loaded question Serah Hawke," he sneered, "There is so much to be considered."

"Are you trying to turn yes into no?"

"Not at all," he replied, "I simply do not wish to be an instrument of vengeance against my Captain and friend."

She considered what he said.

"This is not about Justin or Serene," she said with conviction, "You told me earlier that I needed to enjoy what was left of my life, to seek my pleasures where I could find them. Well…You have been right, I want a night of pleasure, no strings, no regrets," her hand covered his.

"Does the prospect of that bother you?"

He watched her fingers stroking the top of his hand.

He made a decision.

"No," he replied quietly.

Nodding, she rose from the table, she held the wine in her left hand, and let him lead with the right.

They both needed something.

Tonight, they would have it.

IOI

They went to a small boarding house not far from the Ogre's Fall. What they had to do here was for them and no one else alone.

Wren paid for a single night, and the two mages went upstairs.

As soon as they were behind closed doors, and those doors were locked.

They began.

Bethany grabbed him, pushing him up against the wall.

She fell upon him like a lioness, her mouth attacking his hungrily.

He responded kissing her, her lips, her ear, her neck.

She groaned.

_Sweet Maker…she had needed this…she needed this so very much!_

They undressed quickly, magic crashed against magic, Bethany's was a thunderstorm force magic in its purest form.

Wren's was…

Wren's was chaos, destruction and creation all at the same time, dark but burning with all the promise of life…both predator and prey.

The fury of it excited Bethany.

Soon they let go, and let themselves fall, lost in desire, and in bed.

And in that place, the two mages became one, far from the others, the taint and choices about the future…

The two of them found their comfort.

**A/N: Little hot this chapter, lol, but it has set up clearly that this story will be far different from Chant of Darkness. What is next for Bethany? Wait and see.**

**DG**


	16. After

**Chapter 16: After**

_Foolish Oslin, very…very foolish._

Justin realized this had not been the smartest thing he had ever done. Bethany's warnings had had merit after all. It was unwise for a Commander to get involved with one of his wardens, and yet…here he was…

…In bed with the lovely Serene.

He looked down into her sweet face, her pale skin, and those perfect perky elven ears. Those lovely red-eyes, which now closed, had radiated with such want and desire only an hour ago. Her hair had finally started to regrow as well, it was still short, like a boy's but a single black curl had appeared on her forehead, his finger drifted over it, pushing it back from her face.

The elf sighed contentedly.

He could not help but smile.

_She __**was **__adorable._

He had not planned this, when Serene had first awoken; when she had asked to speak with him alone, that was all that he thought they would do, talk. He had dismissed Merrill expecting the bard to have questions for him.

It turn out that she had wanted something more than just answers.

Once the Dalish had left he had turned to his newest warden.

She had been smiling.

"I am alive," she purred in that low sultry voice, a voice that had likely turned the resolve of many men back in Orlais to jelly.

"That you are," he smiled warmly, he…he had never been so grateful to see her smile. He had feared for her during the joining. He had been afraid of what he might have to do.

If he had had to watch her die, or if…if he had been forced to kill her himself…

He did not want to think about that.

He brushed her face with his finger, she murmured, leaning into to it, her own hands guiding his to the points of her ears.

Justin had felt his heart quicken, her touch was so warm, the look in her eyes…so…inviting.

_Slow down Oslin,_ his conscience chided, _the girl has just been through an ordeal, don't take advantage of that._

"Is…is there anything I can do for you?" he asked.

The elf smiled.

Justin swallowed hard.

_Maker…even that sounded suggestive…_

_Knock it off!_

"Oui," she replied, her red eyes were dark with desire, "You can come closair," she said, "I want to whispair what I have to say."

He was trying to control himself, but it was not easy.

He did as she asked and leaned in.

She sat up in bed; letting the covers fall away…he gulped.

Serene naked from the waist up was a sight no man would likely forget, not that he had time to focus on that, she leaned in closer.

She kissed him deeply.

Justin gasped, such a little thing…a kiss, but…it set his world ablaze.

Maker's breath, the girl could kiss he could say that for her. The beast within him purred excitedly. He tried to rein it in, but had little success.

Commander Torrik had warned him about this, back when Justin had begun his berserker training. A berserker's emotions were always close to the surface, when the rage came upon you, you were a killing machine, but when you were aroused.

_A berserker let go, lust and desire without fear or doubt. The warrior would lose themselves in the one they wanted, their need…their want…_

Justin felt himself losing it right now, part of him wanted that, wanted it very badly.

He tried to push her back, the beast growled in frustration.

The look on her face was pure hurt.

"Serene," he panted, "Not that I'm not….very…interested in…this, but it is not the right time."

The hurt faded, she recognized that this was not a rejection, a hint of a smile played across her face.

"You are trying to be a gentleman," she purred, "that is sweet, but you do not need to be. I…I have just come through a horrible ordeal…zee Joining, it was worse than anything I could have expected."

"I'm sorry," he said lowering his head in shame.

She raised his chin with her finger making him look into her eyes.

"You did nothing wrong," she reminded him, "You are a good man Justin, a brave man. You stayed here…watching over me…protecting me. You wished to see me safe and alive."

He nodded, he was trying very hard not to stare, Bethany had undressed her when they had brought her back from the joining…he was trying very hard not to stare at the elf's beautiful body.

"I am alive, Justin," she said in a husky voice, "I…I wish to share that with someone. Someone…someone I care for," she leaned in again; she kissed his neck, working up, to lick playfully at his ear.

Justin groaned with desire. He was fighting…but he feared it was a losing battle.

"Celebrate with me Justin," she purred taking his face in her hands, "Help me enjoy just being alive! Stay with me Commander, make love to me."

The beast was clawing now, hungrily trying to get out, he…he needed…

She kissed him again on the lips.

"This…this is a bad idea," he panted.

"Oui," she said playfully.

"I'm you Commander, I…shouldn't…"

"Oui," she repeated, kissing him again.

"I…I…we…"

"Oui?" she asked.

Justin stared into those red-eyes, that beautiful face.

He growled hungrily.

"Oui," he snarled.

He pulled her in, returning her kiss, his mouth devouring hers.

She moaned softly.

All resistance had collapsed. He rose only once, to douse the lights and take off his shirt and trousers. She watched him, hungrily awaiting his return, awaiting him in her bed…their bed.

They had made love fiercely after that.

Now…as he lay here, with this sweet beautiful girl in his arms, he realized that if this had been a mistake…

It was one he would have happily repeated.

Serene opened her eyes, she smiled warmly.

"Are you okay?" she asked him.

He nodded, he was more than okay, and it had been a while since he had last been with a woman, back before he had joined the order.

It had been too long, far too long…

It had been nice to let go.

He grinned at her.

Her ears twitched with amusement.

"What are you thinking?" she asked.

His smile turned playful.

"I…um…I think…I think that someone was a good girl… before tonight," he said.

Serene blushed, her cheeks to her ears turned red. This…this had been her first time.

"Did…did I not please you?"

"No," he answered, "Just making an observation, I did not mean to embarrass you."

He kissed her forehead and the tip of her nose, trying to sooth her pride.

She snuggled deeper into his arms, her expression thoughtful.

"In Orlais," she said, "Bards are seen as tools of the great game, toys of the nobility. My master would not have complained if I had used my…skills…my body to accomplish my goals."

"But you never did?" Justin replied.

"Non," she said shyly, "maybe…maybe I am just a hopeless romantic at heart, but I…I wanted to save myself for a good man, a kind man."

She looked up at him, joyful tears in her eyes.

"I…I think I was waiting for you."

Now, it was his turn to blush. Yet, he felt bad…she did not know him, not really.

He was not what she thought he was.

"I'm…I'm not a good man Serene," he told her, "I was a pirate, a raider, and a thief. I'm also trouble; it follows me where ever I go. I…I appreciate your confidence in me, but I'm not…a good man."

The elf grinned. She considered what he had said; only a good man would make such a statement.

It fired her passions, awakened her desire a new, her fingers drifted over him, hoping to awaken his as well.

"You…you are good enough," she purred.

Justin seized her again, taking her for the second time that night.

The elf cried out in pleasure.

Justin was a good man…

Just…not too good.

IOI

Bethany lay on her stomach, the bed that she had shared with Wren was soft and comfortable, and they had both found the comfort they had sought…

Still…sleep eluded her.

The healer slept peacefully next to her, spent from their revels. She was just about to get up, find her clothes, and leave.

That is when he awoke with a start. He glanced around the room, as if hunting for someone in the shadows.

No one was there of course.

She turned to face him

"Bad dream?" she asked.

He sighed heavily.

"You could say that," he replied lying back down. He looked over at the beautiful woman lying next to him. He ran his fingers over her, stopping at an ugly scar on her left shoulder, from the marks it looked like someone had closed a bear trap over it.

"A hurlock bit me," she informed him, "It was in my second year in the order, two scouting groups were dealing with a broodmother in the Free Marches."

"Broodmother?" he asked.

"You don't want to know," she replied, "Two of our group died in that fight. My friend Arika was burned to death, another warden was melted," Bethany frowned, "I was moving to help my friends when the hurlock bit me, if I had not been moving, it likely would have torn out my throat. I…I still almost bled to death."

Wren shivered, he often wondered why she was the way she was. Why she was so cold. All he needed to understand was laying out for him to see.

Bethany's body was a road map of pain, scars, burns, and welts decorated her back and arms, a rather ugly looking one graced her right thigh. It was clear just from looking at her, that the poor woman had been through the void and back.

Few would be hard pressed not to feel sorry for her.

She frowned, she did not need to read his mind to know what he was thinking.

"Save your pity," she sniffed, "I don't want…or need it." She turned her back to him.

He chuckled lightly.

"What," she asked sullenly.

"You don't make it easy," he answered, "To get close to you."

"Alone is better," she replied, "It does not hurt as bad."

Now he was frowning.

He knew what that was like, trying to shut down his heart, not wanting to care.

He had been like that since his Isabela had left.

"It can be better," he agreed, "Sometimes."

She shivered.

"Would you like me to go?"

He shook his head, though he doubted that she could see, he ran his fingers down the length of her arm.

"Please stay," he whispered.

Her brow furrowed, considering the rules they had set before this, she had thought…

"Why, do you want me to?" she asked.

'Because, I would like it if you did," he replied, "I…I like being here, I like being with you."

She stiffened, she was not sure how best to respond.

"Would you like to stay?" he asked, "I will not force you."

Her lip twitched, not quite a smile, but close.

'I…I think I…would like that."

He smiled.

"Permission to hold and comfort you, Lieutenant Commander?" he said playfully.

Now…now she did smile.

"Granted, " she said coyly, "but…just this once."

He pulled her into his arms, curling into her, he kissed the back of her neck.

She sighed…contentedly.

This had been different from her previous experiences, she…she had never been with a fellow mage before. She had felt his magic clash with her, he might not have been as powerful as she was, but his magic was clearly powerful, and…

…Strangely…familiar.

Bethany could not put her finger on it, she had sensed Wren's power before, but…could not remember when or where.

She did not worry, it would come to her eventually.

She settled into his arms, enjoying the warmth, enjoying just being close to someone again. She felt herself drifting off to sleep, she would not need a sleeping draught tonight.

Wren had made sure of that.

She smiled.

Tonight had been a pleasant experience.

She had enjoyed herself, and perhaps…

…Would be open to do this again.

IOI

He watched her drift off to sleep, his eyes sad.

He would be lying if he had said he had not thought about this before, he had wanted the powerful warden woman since before they had left Ansburg.

At first it had been simple sexual curiosity, but that had changed as he had gotten to know her.

Bethany Hawke was a strong and interesting woman.

That is why he felt so bad about this, about lying to her,

She had asked him if he had had a nightmare, he had not spoken truthfully.

It was not a nightmare, it had been a summons.

His birth mother had wanted to speak with him.

No sooner than he had fallen asleep, he felt himself being pulled into the raw fade.

The islands drifted around him, in the distance he could make out the spires of the Black City.

Mother was waiting for him, she was dressed in the battle armor he had seen her in all those years ago, the black crown gracing her brow, sitting atop her gray head.

Her amber eyes burned into his,

She smiled at him with savage glee.

"Your choice of bed fellows have improved, dear boy," she smirked.

Wren glared at her, who he chose to sleep with was none of her business.

"That is none of your concern," he replied.

He half expected her to strike him, normally mother did not tolerate back talk.

She cackled at his insolence. Apparently she was in a good mood this eve.

"There was a time I saw use in the Hawke girl," Mother smirked.

Wren's eyes widened.

"You know Bethany?"

Mother nodded.

"The wardens stole that potential, the taint in her blood makes her useless to me, tis a shame… such power… wasted. "

"Wasted, what do you mean?"

Mother smiled, it was clear that she was not going to answer him.

"What do you need," he asked sullenly.

"To remind you of your duty," she purred, "You must continue to watch your friend, the Missionary's son still has value to me, protect the elf as well," Mother grinned, "She might yet prove useful as well."

"I don't understand," Wren said, "First Justin, now Serene, and Bethany, what game are you playing at Mother?"

All joy vanished from her face; she did not like be questioned.

She backhanded him; the blow snapped his head back.

Apparently, she was not in **that** good of a mood.

He glared coldly at the cruel witch.

"Tis not important that you understand dear boy," she snarled, "only that you obey your mother, like the good son you are."

One day he would be stronger, one day he would rip all her secrets from her lying tongue!

But that…would be another day, for now…he would play along.

"Yes…Mother," he said bowing.

Smirking, she turned away from him, her body began to shimmer.

"Return to your warden girl now," she purred, "But don't forget who it is that you belong to, my little bird."

Wren had watched her vanish.

Oh he knew who he belonged to all right.

And one day, Andreas Wren, the son of Flemeth, would show his mother as well.

She would not enjoy that experience, he thought.

It…would be her last.


	17. Riding with Daisy

**Chapter 17: Riding with Daisy**

The wardens rode out of Harper's Ford, ready to move on to the next stage of their mission.

Justin and Bethany had discussed where they would go next. It had not been the most pleasant of conversations.

Justin had no idea why Bethany was acting so mortified around him, she seemed angry, but at the same time a little bit sad.

He was also surprised to see how close Birdie was staying to her, typically his friend chose to keep his distance, he did not like being in the thick of things.

Yet, there he was right at Bethany's side. He supported her decisions; in fact, he supported anything that she brought up.

It was definitely something new for the healer.

Both Commander and Lieutenant agreed that they had to hit the Exaltednists someplace that it would hurt. Since, the Ferelden wardens had noticed an increase of apparently non-sanctioned Templar activity around the city of Orzammar, it was decided that that is where they would go first.

They were off to visit the halls of the Dwarven Kings.

Hopefully they would find victory there…

And give Gaston Delance a bloody nose in the process.

IOI

Merrill was excited.

She had never been to Orzammar before. Varric had told her about it sure, but she was not sure how far she could trust her old friend's opinion of the place.

"You would not want to go to Orzammar Daisy," the dwarf had said, "It is nothing but cramped tunnels filled with nug shit and body odor, and everyone think they are better than everyone else because their great grandfather made water clock or something."

_Perhaps we should invest in some nose plugs, she thought._

Regardless of their destination, she found herself enjoying the journey west, towards the Frostback Mountains. When she had been travelling with Hawke they never went very far from Kirkwall. Merrill always wondered about, with all of Thedas stretching out before you, why would you not want to travel?

She had never truly liked her life in that place; too many memories haunted it now. The Keeper, her clan, even Hawke she was glad to be gone from Kirkwall.

Her life in that place had never been exciting.

Part of her had always wanted to be like her friend Isabela, next to her…Merrill's life had been a stale dry biscuit.

That had all changed now; she was a mighty Grey Warden trying to stop a mad Templar who wanted to conquer all of Thedas.

You did not get more exciting than that.

Not that they could travel as wardens of course. Delance had people still looking for Bethany. Justin suspected that the roads here in the north were being watched closely.

Fortunately, Serene had a plan.

Merrill felt almost giddy.

_This truly was __**exciting!**_

IOI

The group made its way traveling in disguise. They were not wardens right now; they were just a Templar and his tranquil assistant bringing a tevinter mage, his bodyguards, and two serving girls to the tower of Kinloch Hold.

Ser Bradley wore his Templar armor, pretending to still be a part of their order. Bethany wore robes of a tranquil mage. Wren and Serene had done a marvelous job disguising her. A blonde wig hid her dark hair, and, through the application of makeup and a few herbs to irritate the skin, it appeared that Bethany had a tranquil brand on her forehead. To complete the disguise, Wren cast a spell on Bethany; it temporarily froze her facial muscles, and turned her voice into a cold monotone.

To be perfectly honest, it creeped Merrill out a bit.

Wren wore Tevinter mage robes, these, like the tranquil robes that Bethany wore had been acquired from the healer's friends in the independent mage collective. Colo and Justin each wore sets of non-descript plate armor, the kind that profession bodyguards might wear. While Serene and Merrill wore the jackets and leggings of elven servants.

Merrill had giggled the first time she saw how she looked. Serene had added make-up to cover her Dalish tattoos.

It had been the first time in years since she had seen herself without them.

She looked so funny.

Serene seemed to enjoy this part of the plan. The bard confessed that she loved travelling in disguise.

"No one would question a pair of elves in plain servant's garbs," she said.

"You're still beautiful,' Justin had told her warmly.

Serene blushed, the elf turned pure scarlet.

Bethany had rolled her eyes and tried to ignore the two.

Merrill was shocked.

Had Serene bonded with the Commander?

_Oh Creators,_ she thought, _I'm surprised that Bethany had not turned the two into toads._

Merrill found herself staring at the new Lieutenant's back. She wondered why Bethany was so grouchy all the time. Were her boots too tight? Had she stubbed her toe? Hit her head on a low beam?

Merrill could not say for certain.

She and Bethany had never been close back in Kirkwall, but neither had they been enemies.

She sometimes missed the shy young mage that had spoken so happily of the past, and of wanting to be normal.

She missed that girl.

She did not know who Bethany was now.

IOI

They had been on the road for about an hour when they came across the Templars. They had pulled a cart across the road, blocking all through traffic.

Bradley called them to a halt just outside of arrow range.

Merrill glanced around, she saw only six Templars, but that meant nothing. She could not see over the hill to the right of them.

Twenty Templars could be hiding there, and they would not know it until it was too late.

Bradley and Bethany rode out to talk to them.

After a few minutes, two Templars came up alongside to expect their cart, and verify the presence of a Tevinter mage.

Wren bowed respectfully to them.

The Templars began a search of their belongings.

It was unlikely that they would find their warden armor and weapons, they were well hid inside the cart, and Serene made sure that the men searching them had their minds on things other than their work.

Merrill did as Serene and Justin had instructed. She was not to speak unless spoken to, and she was only to draw her dagger if Justin ordered her to.

Serene moved around the young soldiers. The elf had left the top three buttons of her jacket unbuttoned, and had elected not to wear a breast band.

She moved so that the Templars would have clear view of her cleavage. She came off as a shy innocent elven girl.

The Templars responded just as she had wanted them to.

They were more interested in Serene than their search.

One even grabbed her behind, Serene squealed and hid behind Colo.

Justin's eyes turned flinty.

Uh oh, Merrill thought.

She braced herself for trouble.

Fortunately Bethany was there, she said something loud enough for Justin to hear.

He looked at her, as did the Dalish.

Merrill flinched.

The spell that Wren may have affected Bethany's face, but it had done nothing to her eyes, those were cold and cruel.

The look promised what would happen if Justin did anything to mess this up, if they survived, Bethany would make him wish that he had not if he ruined this for them.

Merrill bit back a whimper; Bethany could give Keeper Marethari a run for her coin when it came to cold scowls, scowls that turned your legs to jelly.

Justin must have felt it too; he stood down from his aggressive stance.

Bethany's posture relaxed.

Merrill let out a sigh of relief.

_Praise the Creators!_

The rest of the search went by quickly, the Templars bought the forged orders Wren had acquired for them. They let the wardens pass.

No one said anything until they were safely out of earshot.

Bethany rode up to Justin, she still glared at him with those cold eyes.

"Serene was in no danger," she heard Bethany say, "You could have gotten us all killed."

Justin smiled sheepishly.

"You know the way you glared at me just then, you reminded me of your Mum. Only Leandra Hawke could scowl like that, and only when Carver and I did something really stupid."

Bethany shook her head. On one hand, she took such a statement as a compliment, on the other…

"Shut up," she grumbled.

He gave her an amused smirk.

Shut up…what?" he said.

She sighed; he **was** still her commanding officer.

"Shut up, ser," she added.

She fell back to stay close to Wren.

"That's better, "Justin chuckled.

Merrill blinked; she did not understand how Bethany and Justin could be so hostile to each other and still act friendly.

She figured she would never know.

It was likely, just a human thing.

IOI

It was just after dark when the wardens finally made camp, they had kept up with the disguises for the rest of the day, but now they had passed by Lake Calenhad.

It was unlikely that anyone would believe their story now.

Merrill tended the fire, while everyone took turns getting cleaned up. Bethany abandoned her tranquil disguise the first chance she got.

She could not take it anymore, wearing those robes, speaking in that voice.

It was the stuff of nightmares, even for her.

Colo sat down beside the Dalish.

Merrill smiled, of all the Grey Wardens it was Colo that made her feel the most like she had found a new home.

"How are you doing little sister," he asked.

The Dalish frowned, she did not know why Colo chose to call her his little sister, and for an elf she was quite tall. Of course, Colo might not know that, he was just so big after all.

Everyone was little to him.

"I'm doing fine," she told him, "The Creators have smiled on our mission so far, hopefully we will reach Orzammar without incident."

"You should not say such things Merrill," Bethany said, "You might jinx our chances."

The elf's eyes widened.

"Oh, I would not want to do that. I take back what I said. If that would work, perhaps I should offer up an apology to someone, or Maybe I should say wish luck to our enemies, even though I would not want that…or…"

She paused, Bethany was giving he the look, she knew it well, her sister used it as well.

"I will just shut up now," the Dalish said sheepishly.

Bethany did not quite smile, but her lips did turn up slightly.

"Don't worry about it Merrill. We just need to be careful from here on in. If Delance's people are moving in Orzammar…"

Then it is important that we stop them," Justin said joining them, the commander still wore his bodyguard plate.

Bethany gave him a bland look.

He lowered his head slightly.

"I'm sorry about earlier," he said to her.

"That is one of the reasons that wardens should not get involved with those in their own garrison," Bethany said flatly.

Merrill did not have to ask, who Justin was involved with.

Justin's brow furrowed, he glanced over to his tent, where Serene was currently napping.

He looked chagrined.

"I care for her Betts," he told his old friend.

"I know that, I saw that," she said shifting uncomfortably, "Look…I cannot tell you how to command, but please…tread lightly with this."

"We can handle it."

"Really," the warden mage said, "Tell me Commander, what if the only way to save the mission meant leaving Serene to die, could you do that? If it meant that only she would die and we would all live, could you do that?"

Justin shifted uncomfortably.

"It…it is not an easy decision is it?" she said, "Wardens have to be prepared to make the tough call, being a good Commander means that sometimes, you need to order your people to their deaths. I know I could do it, it would tear me up inside, but I could do it, how about you?"

He gave her a cold look.

If it came to that, I would be prepared to sacrifice myself."

"Sometimes, that is not an option, sometimes you are needed to survive. Could you do it? Could you sacrifice Serene? Could you sacrifice me?

Justin rose, he returned to his tent. Merrill watched all this with a concerned gaze.

She knew that Bethany was right, the keeper had taught her as much as well.

Sometimes part must be sacrificed to save the whole.

Merrill hoped that Justin would be ready when the time came to make that decision.

Though she hoped that when the time came, it would not be she that paid the price.

She still had much to make up for.

She hoped…that there was still time.


	18. Gherlen's Pass

**Chapter 18: Gherlen's Pass**

Bethany was a confusing woman.

Wren smiled slightly to himself, those words were an understatement of course. The warden mage had many traits that he had come to respect. She could be cold and ruthless when she wanted to be, but at the same time…when the mood struck her, she could be warm and yielding. Enemies found her to be implacable, if someone threatened the group; she destroyed them without fear or mercy. To her allies she could be compassion itself; she pushed herself hard to keep them all alive, sometimes to the point of exhaustion. She was also a tigress between the sheets, but…that was neither here nor there, the night they had spent together…it had been…fantastic.

She was fearless and yielding, cold and warm, seductive and destructive…

She was all these things and more!

So…what had happened here on the road to Orzammar should have been no surprise to him then.

The group had finally made it passed Lake Calenhad. Finally they could abandon their disguises and proceed on to the dwarven kingdom without fear. Not that the way was entirely clear however. Ferelden was still a dangerous country. The blight almost a decade ago had left much chaos in its wake.

Travelers still needed to be wary, that was simply the way it was.

They had been ambushed at the entrance to Gherlen's Pass, the only road leading to the city of Orzammar. Their attackers had been…not what many would have expected.

Wren chuckled.

Only in Ferelden could a person expect to be attacked by a pack of wild, yet extremely intelligent dogs.

The Mabari fell upon them like a storm.

Mabari were Ferelden's greatest export, bred by Tevinter mages long ago, they were war dogs capable of understanding and carrying out complex orders. They imprinted on a single master and obeyed his or her orders without question.

They were both fierce and intelligent fighters. During the Blight, many Fereldans had been killed. Their war hounds had been left to fend for themselves. Most had died without anyone to command them, of course the few that did survive turned feral, they formed into packs like wolves. Some even started attacking humans for food.

Like the ones who had attacked them this morning.

The group had been victorious, they had suffered only minor injuries, thankfully, Wren was able to have them healed and ready to move again before anyone could blink.

Wren cursed under his breath, one of the mongrels had torn his favorite shirt! Part of him wish more of the flea ridden beasts would try to attack them, he was eager to punish them for that.

One by one the group sounded off, letting Justin know they were still breathing.

Bethany had been a little late in her sound off; Justin had to repeat himself before she acknowledged him.

Something had caught the warden mage's eye; she left the group, pursuing something she had seen out of the corner of her eye.

She had managed to trap it inside an old fallen tree. She kneeled down to look inside.

A low growl emerged from within.

"Don't be frightened," the mage cooed her voice soft and soothing, "It is okay, no one is going to hurt you," she lightly patted the ground before her, snapping her fingers with her left hand.

The growl turned into a soft whimper, the others approached to see what had drawn their new Lieutenant's attention.

After a bit of coaxing, the object of her interest finally emerged.

A small Mabari emerged from the tree.

Wren wrinkled his nose in distaste.

The beast was small, with dirty caramel colored fur. It did not appear very old either; its large puppy eyes regarded them with a mix of fear and suspicion.

This one was not like the others that had attacked them, it was thin, almost painfully so, it was clear that it had not enjoyed a share of the food like its dead compatriots.

_A runt then, _Wren thought_, likely abandoned for its size._

Bethany was finally able to lure it in with a strip of dried beef. Her hand gently stroked its fur while it devoured the small meal. The pup shivered with fear and cold.

Bethany wrapped it in her cloak.

Its brown eyes turned to her gratefully.

"It is all right," she purred, "You are safe now."

The pup whimpered and leaned in closer to her.

Wren rolled his eyes.

_Manipulative little beast!_

IOI

Justin had not wanted to bring the dog along, it was too small, he said.

Unfortunately the Commander was out voted on this. Both Serene and Merrill did not want to see the little creature turned away, or put out of its misery. Bradley and Colo also saw the value of the new arrival; few could deny it after fighting a hard Mabari charge. Bethany promised to watch over it, with care, and a little love, it could become a great asset. Mabari grew fast, she reminded him, and soon they would have another dangerous weapon in the Lost Garrison's arsenal.

The puppy looked at Justin; those huge sappy eyes invaded his soul.

"It doesn't fight fair," Justin said with a snort.

Serene approached him; she ran her finger down the front of his chest plate.

"Please Commander," she said giving him the most seductive of looks.

Her touch weakened his resolve, but it also promised great pleasure the next time they stopped.

_How could he not surrender?_

"You don't fight fair either," he snorted.

The elf smiled.

"Of course not," she replied, giving him a small kiss on the cheek.

The Commander shook his head; he knew when he was beaten.

"Fine," Justin had sighed, "it can come."

Pleased with herself, Bethany picked the dog up and loaded it in their cart, it was a bit of a load truth be told, even Mabari runts were big, this one came up to her knees already, it was all feet and muzzle.

The pup settled into the straw, it whimpered when she tried to leave it.

Bethany smiled; she remembered a trick her Father had taught her. He had used it to help with Mari's war hound Jester.

She tore a small strip of cloth off the bottom of her gambeson; she laid the blue and silver fabric beneath the dog's nose. It breathed deep of her scent, comforted by its presence.

_There, she thought, not only will the pup not be afraid, but this should speed up the imprinting process._

She had to admit, the thought of having her own Mabari war hound filled her with joy. Her sister Marian had had one after all, and they were a lethal pair.

Bethany was quite pleased with this find.

It would not take long for the pup to grow big enough to be useful in a fight.

Then Justin would see how useful the dog could be.

IOI

"He is simply adorable," Merrill gushed, "Have you decided on a name yet?"

Despite herself Bethany chuckled.

"Actually Merrill," she said quietly, "I…think that he…is a she."

The Dalish blinked she looked up and down at the pup, it ignored her of course, too busy drinking, they had encountered a trader a few hours ago; Bethany had purchased an empty water skin, and a small bottle of milk. She had wet her finger and let the pup have a taste, then…held up the sack filled with milk, next to her finger again, the dog licked at her finger, but then realized that there was more in the water skin, that got it to drink.

Simple yet effective.

"Ohhh," Merrill murmured, her elven ears turning a little bit pink, "My apologies Milady," she whispered to the dog.

It did not respond of course, it had other things on its mind.

The warden mage smiled.

Milady huh, she thought, that…that wasn't a bad name.

_Milady it would be._

They had decided to stop for the night, they were still about another three or four hours away from the gates of Orzammar, but the pass was still likely wet and icy, not the kind of road one wanted to take in the dark.

That was alright, Bethany thought, it would give them all a chance to settle in and regain their strength before heading into the dwarven city.

Orzammar was not a place that the unwary should enter.

She had made the journey here several times over the years, mostly for the callings of senior wardens. Orzammar was ruled by Bhelen Aeducan, a ruthless man, but fair…provided you did not threaten his powerbase. He respected the Grey Wardens as much as any dwarf, eight years ago, the Warden Mage Solona Amell had placed him on the throne.

Traditionally wardens did not get involved in politics, dwarven or otherwise, but the situation had been different back then, there had been a Blight to defeat.

Wardens did what they must.

Bradley took the first watch, while the others settled in. Wren kept to himself as always while she and Merrill sat near the fire.

Justin had retired to his tent to rest; Serene had gone to see if he needed anything shortly after that.

The elf had slipped inside.

Not long after the first sound of moaning emerged.

Bethany had rolled her eyes.

_Could the two of them be any less discreet?_

There was nothing she could do of course, Justin had made his decision. She had warned them and said her piece, beyond that there was nothing she could do.

An evil smile split her lips.

She considered seeing if Milady would go pee on them while the two slept.

A petty revenge perhaps, but it would be amusing.

She put such thoughts out of her mind; she had no desire to see Justin angry at the little Mabari.

Bethany glanced over at Wren. The healer spent his time going through his supplies, Orzammar would be an excellent place to restock, he needed to know what they needed.

The warden mage frowned.

They had not discussed their interlude back in Harper's Ford. She did not regret what had happened, she had needed comfort, and he had supplied it. It…it had been an enjoyable experience.

She had also enjoyed being held after, it…it was a rare thing to find a man not intimidated by her blighted magic or her reputation.

Merrill glanced over at Justin's tent, the elf's green eyes narrowed.

"I have some interesting herbs I've collected," the Dalish offered, "They cause a bad skin rash if exposed to bare skin, I could get you some if you like…for their bedroll I mean."

Bethany laughed.

"That is not nice Merrill," she replied, "Besides I thought you liked Justin and Serene?"

The Dalish shrugged.

"I figured you might want to…well…I don't know," Merrill said wringing her hands, "I… I know what it is like to care for a man and have him chose another."

A quick cloud of sadness passed over Bethany's features.

"That was a long time ago Merrill," she informed her friend, "I…I am a different person now. Justin is a different person now. I hold no grudge against him or Serene."

"Okay," the Dalish nodded, "But my offer still stands if you change your mind."

Bethany smirked.

_Good to know._

Bradley came over to them; they had a small pot of tea brewing over the fire. He reached out to get himself some.

He nearly dropped the tea pot; his hand was shaking so bad.

Bethany eyed him suspiciously.

The young warden looked pale, he was sweating, despite the cold, and she might have been wrong but it looked like his eyes were watering.

"Bradley?" she asked.

"Huh?" he responded, he shook his head trying to focus, "I…um…ah…is…is there something you need Mistress?"

The warden mage frowned. She asked Merrill to take care of Milady for a moment. She needed to speak with Bradley in private.

The former Templar agreed, he suspected what she was going to ask him, he…he had hoped that he could hold out until they reached Orzammar tomorrow.

No such luck he supposed.

IOI

"How much lyrium do you have left?"

The former Templar fidgeted, most people did not know about the Templar addiction to lyrium, but…given Bethany's ties to both the wardens and the Champion…he should not have been surprised that she did.

"Not much," he confessed, "I…I have been trying to ration it, but…I'm…I'm still almost out. I…I am starting to get the first symptoms."

The mage nodded, she had seen a few Templars enter the warden ranks, those first few days of lyrium withdrawal could be very bad. Some bartered with the warden mages so they could keep taking the stuff.

There were other options of course.

"We need to see Wren," she told him, "Now."

The Templar nodded, though he doubted what help the healer could be, he was not exactly Wren's favorite person.

IOI

"Is there something I can do for you Lieutenant?"

Bethany gave Wren a long list of ingredients, the healer listened closely as she said them out loud, common enough herbs and roots, but not the kind widely asked for.

He sneered at the Templar…was this something for him? Did Bethany expect him to actually help Bradley?

Fat Chance.

"May I ask what you need these items for," he asked her.

"I need you to brew a potion for me. Mages use it sometimes to counter the negative effects of too much lyrium in the field. It…it also can be used to help the symptoms of lyrium withdrawal. It is no cure, but it will keep Bradley here in fighting shape."

The healer looked at the Templar…the former Templar; yes…he could see the first signs of lyrium withdrawal taking hold.

He did not see the problem; let the little Templar suffer a bit.

Wren gave her a cool look.

"May I ask why I should care?"

Her brown eyes turned hard.

"Because Justin and I need everyone in fighting shape," she said quietly, "I doubt if Justin is aware of this problem and I would rather keep it that way."

Wren smiled.

"You have an interesting sense of humor, Beth," he said quietly, "Forgive me, but I see little reason to aid Bradley in this. He started taking lyrium willingly, let him live with the consequences of his own actions."

The boy's temper flared.

"You think I don't," he growled.

Wren smirked at him.

"Guilty conscience…good," the mage sneered, "Nice to see one of you realize what bastards you all are."

Bradley was about to leave, it was clear there would be no help here.

Bethany stopped him, she moved closer to Wren, whispered so that only he could hear.

"I know you hate them," she began, "But Bradley is not just another Templar anymore, he is a warden trying to make up for the pain he caused in Kirkwall. "I'm asking you…not as a warden, or as an officer, I'm…I'm asking you as someone who trusts you, who has thought comfort with you. Please…help him…for me."

Wren's brow furrowed.

That was not fair!

He almost refused, but…he realized that there was an opportunity here. He…he had enjoyed their time together. Perhaps he should be the bigger man here.

She would be grateful for his help that might serve his ends later on and…if that gratefulness led to another lovely night together?

Who was he to deny himself that?

"Oh…all right," he promised, "I will prepare the potion for you."

She smiled.

"Thank you," she said.

He gave her an arched look.

"You could have just ordered me, you know?"

"I want to be sure that the potion will actually work," she confessed, "You might have decided to be sloppy in its creation, I want to ensure both Bradley's safety…and yours."

He smirked, the veiled threat was a nice touch, feed his ego, but remind him who was still in charge.

Wren found that alluring. He loved a woman who was not afraid to pull rank.

"I will get started immediately," he promised, "You will have your potion tomorrow." He handed her a familiar looking blossom.

She looked at it curiously.

"So you can sleep tonight," he offered, "We need you clear headed tomorrow."

She and Bradley left him them to his work, he glanced up hoping that she would turn.

She would turn, he did not doubt that.

She did…she gave him a grateful look over her shoulder.

He smiled.

He recognized that he should not be doing this, he had a mission of his own to complete, but…alas…he could not help himself.

Bethany was a very intriguing woman.

How could he not be interested, and if it helped his own plans later on…why not?

She would be a most powerful ally.


End file.
